Chapter 3: Dating
I hate this chapter.
Last time, Kelsey set up three dates that all happen at around the same time! Whomp whomp!
I mean, her whole characterization so far has been "Oh, woe is me, I'm not good enough for Ren, who could ever love me," so, you know. Good to know she's a hypocrite on top of all her other fantastic characteristics.
It's just annoying to me that "BEAUTIFUL BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT" is still such a common character type.
Anyway.
Chapter Three: Dating
Ugh.
DATE 1
Ughhhhhhh.
We can only expect good things from a start like that.
This is Kelsey's date with Artie, the NiceGuy TM stereotype who thinks that of course any girl would be HONORED by his mere presence and because he's such a NICE AND SMART GUY. I'm not disputing that this kind of person exists, but he's wrapped up in a Fat Nerd TM stereotype coupled with Houck's utter inability to write dialogue that sounds like it comes from a human. So, he ends up being an incredibly unrealistic character that Kelsey is allowed to dislike because he's just so Awful. He legitimately feels like a cartoon character.
Kelsey drives to campus and thinks about how she really doesn't want to go out with Artie, and how she feels roped into the date. Considering she at no point said yes, she'd probably be justified in not going. But, I mean, that's pretty rude, so I get why she feels obligated.
When she gets to the language lab, he tells her that he has a package to drop off at the mail room for "an old friend," whatever that means.
They start to walk to the post office. When Kelsey asks if he has a car, since it's a mile and a half away, he says that they're too expensive in a dismissive way.
Uhh, what post office would even be open right now? It's in the evening, and they're not going to the campus mail room. Plus he has a package, so it's not like you can just drop it off like you can a letter.
Kelsey asks who the package is for to make some small talk and he says it's for an old girlfriend, who he's still in touch with. Also, they both date around a lot and Artie's just so good with girls, you guys.
"I date lots of girls. You should see my day planner. I've got dates lined up for years."
See, I told you.
The walk is long and cold because it's Oregon in October. Artie pulls out gloves and Kelsey is annoyed when he doesn't let her use them. Kelsey asks if they're going to eat at a restaurant nearby and he says, no, they're going back to campus. Whomp whomp!
They walk all the way back, and Artie tells her all about himself without asking her a single question. Because we're really supposed to dislike this guy, you see. Kelsey zones out and starts thinking about "him" and their conversation where he told her to stay with him in India. This has the added bonus of reminding us that he gave her an anklet with a bell on it to use in their quest.
She thinks about how she's having second thoughts about leaving, but the fact that he hasn't tried to call means that he obviously doesn't care enough about her to convince her to come back. Bitch, you told him not to! He's acting very out of character and actually respecting your wishes, but still!
Artie leads Kelsey back to the campus library and grabs a movie he rented from the front desk.
"Isn't this a great idea? We can watch a movie, and I don't have to spend a dime!" He grinned while my mouth dropped open. "It's very clever, don't you think?"
Because we're supposed to dislike him!
I pursed my lips. "Oh, it's very clever, alright."
I quickly shut my mouth and bit back a sarcastic reply.
But you just said a sarcastic reply! That's what you just did, in the previous sentence! Editing, what's that?
To be fair, Kelsey does clarify that she's not annoyed that he isn't spending money on a date, it's because he's very smug about it. Given that Kelsey is used to being treated like a princess by Ren, the richest, hottest guy imaginable, I'm not a hundred percent convinced. More like eighty percent.
Kelsey's a bit of a gold digger, is what I'm saying.
The movie turns out to be Brigadoon starring Gene Kelly.
Oh, great, another pointless date because it's obvious she's going to get with Ren in the end!
This one is the date with Jason, where she's going to a football game with him.
I wore my red WOU sweatshirt and also brought a thicker coat and a red cashmere scarf and gloves that I had found tucked in a drawer. Normally, I would have shunned anything he had bought for me, but I didn't have time to buy new ones, and even if I did I'd be using his money anyway.
Hi, yeah, this is bad! Ren is too controlling even when they're not together! She's entirely dependent on him! Also, yeah, sure, you'd shun anything he bought you. Like your house. And your car. And your tuition.
I met Jason in the parking lot and immediately began cataloguing his good qualities. He was cute, a little on the skinny side and shorter than average, but he dressed decently and was smart.
All of his good qualities are based on how he looks (with the exception of "smart," which is an informed trait that we never see, and he comes off as more of a "meathead jock" stereotype), which are additionally qualified by saying that he's short and skinny. Nice.
He compliments her cars by saying, "Nice wheels!" which exactly zero college students would say, ever. Then they walk over to a tailgate party he and his friends are having. Jason offers Kelsey a beer, which she refuses. He grabs a hot dog and asks if she's not a drinker. Which is a fair question in college! It does get kind of annoying if people repeatedly ask you, but it's still a normal question. Kelsey doesn't take it very well.
"Umm, I guess not. I'm underage first of all. Secondly, alcohol lost all appeal for me when my parents were killed by a drunk driver a few years back."
"Oh. Sorry." He grimaced and scooted his beer out of sight under the chair.
This is actually kind of nice of him? He's handling being chewed out pretty well.
Kelsey immediately apologizes for being mean and says she'll be nicer at the game. But she thinks about how Ren is just so much better than anyone else alive.
I knew my parents' death wasn't something you should normally bring up on a first date, but . . . I knew he would have reacted very differently from the way Jason did.
Then she flashes back to a nightmare where her parents died, and when she woke up to Ren comforting her. This didn't happen in the first book, by the way.
They eventually make their way over to the football field, and Kelsey whines about how she prefers books and movies to football. Which, fair, but it's still not fun to read about her complaining constantly. After the game, they watch the homecoming parade, and Kelsey gets annoyed that Jason is checking out the pretty girls on the floats.
The scent of sandalwood drifted over the bleachers, and a silky soft voice whispered in my ear, "You are more beautiful than any woman out there."
Uh, what? This is never explained, and it gives me horrific New Moon flashbacks where Bella hallucinated Edward everywhere, also for no reason. I'm guessing that this might have been in an earlier draft, and then someone told Houck that this was too similar to New Moon, but this got left in. It's weird.
She is absolutely miserable for the rest of the game (I'm sensing a theme for this book, here), but when it's over she doesn't turn Jason down for another date. That's about all there is to say about this one, since Jason isn't as cartoonishly disgusting as Artie.
DATE 3
Smash cut to Halloween, and now Kelsey is getting ready for her date with Li. We get to hear her outfit in detail that would put Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way to shame:
Reluctantly, I pulled back the door to the closet that I vowed never to open and found a long-sleeved, burnt orange top designed to look like a short trench coat. It was accented with wood buttons and a tie belt. To go with it were a pair of dark blue stretch denim jeans. They fit perfectly, like they'd been tailored just for me. A dark pair of boots sat in the bag and, slipping those on, I twirled in front of the mirror. The outfit made me look tall and chic and well . . . stylish, which was not my norm.
You're missing a comma in there, Houck.
She drives to the studio and meets Li in the parking lot. He compliments her looks, natch, and when Kelsey tells him that she can follow him to his grandmother's house in her car, he literally sprints to the car door to open it for her. Now, I'm not one to say that opening doors for women is some horrible sexist thing to do, but if you make that much of a show of it, and then comment on how doing it is so great, I'm getting a bit annoyed about this one.
"Whew, almost didn't make it!" He grinned at me again. "My grandfather always taught me to open doors for ladies."
This is trying too hard. It's annoying.
They get to Li's grandparents' house, and once they're inside Kelsey gets to meet Li's grandmother. She's busy cooking a whole bunch of Chinese food for the group.
"Kelsey, this is Grandma Zhi. Grandma Zhi, huó Kelsey."
If he's speaking Chinese with his grandmother, why does he call her "Grandma Zhi" instead of nainai or yenai? Also, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think “佸” is the right word here. I'd think it would be more like, "这是 Kelsey" or something much simpler.
Li dipped his finger into a simmering pot, and she picked up a wooden spoon and smacked him lightly across the knuckles.
Wouldn't that be really hot? Considering a simmering pot is literally boiling? Ouch!
They go into the next room where a bunch of Li's friends are setting up Catan. They're explicitly referred to as all being Asian, which is actually relevant for a later comment. Li introduces Kelsey to the rest of them.
One guy wagged his eyebrows, "Alright, Li!"
Just once, can we have a male character that doesn't objectify Kelsey? Every single male character thinks she's just the most attractive thing ever. Also, that shouldn't be a comma, because you can't waggle your eyebrows to conjure dialogue out of thin air.
The other guys' names are Wen, Shen, and Meii, which is a weird combination of pinyin and Wade-Giles, but I guess this is more excusable with names because they tend to get translated to English differently. Also, all of these are surnames, which shows that Houck really has no idea how Chinese names work.
Despite the fact that this is Kelsey's first time playing Catan, she wins with almost no help from any of the other players, because she's the main character and nothing bad can happen to the protagonist! That's ridiculous!
After the game, Grandma Zhi sets the table for them, and it's absolutely filled with stereotypical Chinese takeout food: "fried rice, pot stickers, steamed pork dumplings, vegetable stir fry, and miniature shrimp egg rolls." Li and Kelsey small talk a bit while they eat dinner, and Li asks what she did over the summer. She says that she interned in India. This isn't an interesting conversation, because we as the readers already know this information. Li says that he's been working at the studio with his grandfather in order to save for medical school, since he already graduated (he majored in biology, so Li and I are kindred spirits). He's twenty-two, and his other friends are still in college studying various STEM majors.
"You guys sure are . . . goal-oriented."
Is, uh, is this because they're Chinese? This seems troubling to me.
They talk a bit, and Kelsey notices a bunch of wushu trophies. Turns out they're Li's, because Li is too good for this book. Now it's time for more games!
The guys had set up a new game that was much easier to learn. I lost, but it was really fun. By the time the game was done, it was past midnight.
Oh, uh, I guess we're done, then. Why bring up the second game if you're not going to do anything with it, or even tell us what it is?
Li asks Kelsey if she wants to come to the next session in a couple of weeks, which she accepts. Kelsey thinks about how she might grow to really like Li as she's driving back home. Then she goes to bed.
I rolled onto my side, cuddled under my grandmother's quilt, and accidentally knocked my white stuffed tiger off the bed.
Symbolism! Ham-fisted, unsubtle symbolism! She thinks about just leaving it on the floor, but:
My resolve only lasted five minutes, and I berated myself for being weak. Leaning over the bed, I cuddled my stuffed tiger to my chest, apologizing profusely for even thinking about it.
Aaand, ruined!
That's the end of the chapter.
Closing Thoughts
Wow, absolutely fuck all happened this chapter! There is exactly one thing this chapter that leads to a plot point later on. Try to guess what it is, it's literally impossible.
Next time, Chapter Four: A Christmas Present! An old friend returns, and more pointless drama happens that does absolutely nothing.
Last time, Kelsey set up three dates that all happen at around the same time! Whomp whomp!
I mean, her whole characterization so far has been "Oh, woe is me, I'm not good enough for Ren, who could ever love me," so, you know. Good to know she's a hypocrite on top of all her other fantastic characteristics.
It's just annoying to me that "BEAUTIFUL BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT" is still such a common character type.
Anyway.
Chapter Three: Dating
Ugh.
DATE 1
Ughhhhhhh.
We can only expect good things from a start like that.
Kelsey drives to campus and thinks about how she really doesn't want to go out with Artie, and how she feels roped into the date. Considering she at no point said yes, she'd probably be justified in not going. But, I mean, that's pretty rude, so I get why she feels obligated.
When she gets to the language lab, he tells her that he has a package to drop off at the mail room for "an old friend," whatever that means.
They start to walk to the post office. When Kelsey asks if he has a car, since it's a mile and a half away, he says that they're too expensive in a dismissive way.
Uhh, what post office would even be open right now? It's in the evening, and they're not going to the campus mail room. Plus he has a package, so it's not like you can just drop it off like you can a letter.
Kelsey asks who the package is for to make some small talk and he says it's for an old girlfriend, who he's still in touch with. Also, they both date around a lot and Artie's just so good with girls, you guys.
"I date lots of girls. You should see my day planner. I've got dates lined up for years."
See, I told you.
The walk is long and cold because it's Oregon in October. Artie pulls out gloves and Kelsey is annoyed when he doesn't let her use them. Kelsey asks if they're going to eat at a restaurant nearby and he says, no, they're going back to campus. Whomp whomp!
They walk all the way back, and Artie tells her all about himself without asking her a single question. Because we're really supposed to dislike this guy, you see. Kelsey zones out and starts thinking about "him" and their conversation where he told her to stay with him in India. This has the added bonus of reminding us that he gave her an anklet with a bell on it to use in their quest.
She thinks about how she's having second thoughts about leaving, but the fact that he hasn't tried to call means that he obviously doesn't care enough about her to convince her to come back. Bitch, you told him not to! He's acting very out of character and actually respecting your wishes, but still!
Artie leads Kelsey back to the campus library and grabs a movie he rented from the front desk.
"Isn't this a great idea? We can watch a movie, and I don't have to spend a dime!" He grinned while my mouth dropped open. "It's very clever, don't you think?"
Because we're supposed to dislike him!
I pursed my lips. "Oh, it's very clever, alright."
I quickly shut my mouth and bit back a sarcastic reply.
But you just said a sarcastic reply! That's what you just did, in the previous sentence! Editing, what's that?
To be fair, Kelsey does clarify that she's not annoyed that he isn't spending money on a date, it's because he's very smug about it. Given that Kelsey is used to being treated like a princess by Ren, the richest, hottest guy imaginable, I'm not a hundred percent convinced. More like eighty percent.
Kelsey's a bit of a gold digger, is what I'm saying.
The movie turns out to be Brigadoon starring Gene Kelly.
It looks fun in a cheesy 50s musical kind of way.
At exactly the halfway point, Artie puts his arm on the back of Kelsey's chair as he makes his move. I will admit that this next bit made me chuckle:
I peered at him out of the corner of my eye. He had a slight smirk on his face. I imagined he was mentally checking off a list in his planner.
Maybe it's just the formatting, but the physical checklist is pretty funny to me.
Alright book, you get one point. It's not that good, but it's better than any of the other bits of humor from the last book.
She thinks about running out of the library, but since that would be rude, she suffers for the rest of the movie. Artie tries to ask her out again, but she says she's busy. He tries a different day, but she says she doesn't know her schedule.
"Look, I have a terrible headache, Artie. I'll see you in lab next week, okay?"
"Okay, sure. I'll call you later."
I quickly slipped into my car and shut the door. Grinning, because I knew I'd never given him my phone number, I drove through the quiet streets of Monmouth and up the mountain to my peaceful home.
What happened to all that talk of being frank in the first book? You made a big deal of always being able to say what's on your mind. Granted, you didn't exactly do that in the first book, either, but it was an informed character trait that we were supposed to believe.
DATE 2
This one is the date with Jason, where she's going to a football game with him.
I wore my red WOU sweatshirt and also brought a thicker coat and a red cashmere scarf and gloves that I had found tucked in a drawer. Normally, I would have shunned anything he had bought for me, but I didn't have time to buy new ones, and even if I did I'd be using his money anyway.
Hi, yeah, this is bad! Ren is too controlling even when they're not together! She's entirely dependent on him! Also, yeah, sure, you'd shun anything he bought you. Like your house. And your car. And your tuition.
I met Jason in the parking lot and immediately began cataloguing his good qualities. He was cute, a little on the skinny side and shorter than average, but he dressed decently and was smart.
All of his good qualities are based on how he looks (with the exception of "smart," which is an informed trait that we never see, and he comes off as more of a "meathead jock" stereotype), which are additionally qualified by saying that he's short and skinny. Nice.
He compliments her cars by saying, "Nice wheels!" which exactly zero college students would say, ever. Then they walk over to a tailgate party he and his friends are having. Jason offers Kelsey a beer, which she refuses. He grabs a hot dog and asks if she's not a drinker. Which is a fair question in college! It does get kind of annoying if people repeatedly ask you, but it's still a normal question. Kelsey doesn't take it very well.
"Umm, I guess not. I'm underage first of all. Secondly, alcohol lost all appeal for me when my parents were killed by a drunk driver a few years back."
"Oh. Sorry." He grimaced and scooted his beer out of sight under the chair.
This is actually kind of nice of him? He's handling being chewed out pretty well.
Kelsey immediately apologizes for being mean and says she'll be nicer at the game. But she thinks about how Ren is just so much better than anyone else alive.
I knew my parents' death wasn't something you should normally bring up on a first date, but . . . I knew he would have reacted very differently from the way Jason did.
Then she flashes back to a nightmare where her parents died, and when she woke up to Ren comforting her. This didn't happen in the first book, by the way.
They eventually make their way over to the football field, and Kelsey whines about how she prefers books and movies to football. Which, fair, but it's still not fun to read about her complaining constantly. After the game, they watch the homecoming parade, and Kelsey gets annoyed that Jason is checking out the pretty girls on the floats.
The scent of sandalwood drifted over the bleachers, and a silky soft voice whispered in my ear, "You are more beautiful than any woman out there."
Uh, what? This is never explained, and it gives me horrific New Moon flashbacks where Bella hallucinated Edward everywhere, also for no reason. I'm guessing that this might have been in an earlier draft, and then someone told Houck that this was too similar to New Moon, but this got left in. It's weird.
She is absolutely miserable for the rest of the game (I'm sensing a theme for this book, here), but when it's over she doesn't turn Jason down for another date. That's about all there is to say about this one, since Jason isn't as cartoonishly disgusting as Artie.
DATE 3
Smash cut to Halloween, and now Kelsey is getting ready for her date with Li. We get to hear her outfit in detail that would put Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way to shame:
Reluctantly, I pulled back the door to the closet that I vowed never to open and found a long-sleeved, burnt orange top designed to look like a short trench coat. It was accented with wood buttons and a tie belt. To go with it were a pair of dark blue stretch denim jeans. They fit perfectly, like they'd been tailored just for me. A dark pair of boots sat in the bag and, slipping those on, I twirled in front of the mirror. The outfit made me look tall and chic and well . . . stylish, which was not my norm.
You're missing a comma in there, Houck.
She drives to the studio and meets Li in the parking lot. He compliments her looks, natch, and when Kelsey tells him that she can follow him to his grandmother's house in her car, he literally sprints to the car door to open it for her. Now, I'm not one to say that opening doors for women is some horrible sexist thing to do, but if you make that much of a show of it, and then comment on how doing it is so great, I'm getting a bit annoyed about this one.
"Whew, almost didn't make it!" He grinned at me again. "My grandfather always taught me to open doors for ladies."
This is trying too hard. It's annoying.
They get to Li's grandparents' house, and once they're inside Kelsey gets to meet Li's grandmother. She's busy cooking a whole bunch of Chinese food for the group.
"Kelsey, this is Grandma Zhi. Grandma Zhi, huó Kelsey."
If he's speaking Chinese with his grandmother, why does he call her "Grandma Zhi" instead of nainai or yenai? Also, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think “佸” is the right word here. I'd think it would be more like, "这是 Kelsey" or something much simpler.
Li dipped his finger into a simmering pot, and she picked up a wooden spoon and smacked him lightly across the knuckles.
Wouldn't that be really hot? Considering a simmering pot is literally boiling? Ouch!
They go into the next room where a bunch of Li's friends are setting up Catan. They're explicitly referred to as all being Asian, which is actually relevant for a later comment. Li introduces Kelsey to the rest of them.
One guy wagged his eyebrows, "Alright, Li!"
Just once, can we have a male character that doesn't objectify Kelsey? Every single male character thinks she's just the most attractive thing ever. Also, that shouldn't be a comma, because you can't waggle your eyebrows to conjure dialogue out of thin air.
The other guys' names are Wen, Shen, and Meii, which is a weird combination of pinyin and Wade-Giles, but I guess this is more excusable with names because they tend to get translated to English differently. Also, all of these are surnames, which shows that Houck really has no idea how Chinese names work.
Despite the fact that this is Kelsey's first time playing Catan, she wins with almost no help from any of the other players, because she's the main character and nothing bad can happen to the protagonist! That's ridiculous!
After the game, Grandma Zhi sets the table for them, and it's absolutely filled with stereotypical Chinese takeout food: "fried rice, pot stickers, steamed pork dumplings, vegetable stir fry, and miniature shrimp egg rolls." Li and Kelsey small talk a bit while they eat dinner, and Li asks what she did over the summer. She says that she interned in India. This isn't an interesting conversation, because we as the readers already know this information. Li says that he's been working at the studio with his grandfather in order to save for medical school, since he already graduated (he majored in biology, so Li and I are kindred spirits). He's twenty-two, and his other friends are still in college studying various STEM majors.
"You guys sure are . . . goal-oriented."
Is, uh, is this because they're Chinese? This seems troubling to me.
They talk a bit, and Kelsey notices a bunch of wushu trophies. Turns out they're Li's, because Li is too good for this book. Now it's time for more games!
The guys had set up a new game that was much easier to learn. I lost, but it was really fun. By the time the game was done, it was past midnight.
Oh, uh, I guess we're done, then. Why bring up the second game if you're not going to do anything with it, or even tell us what it is?
Li asks Kelsey if she wants to come to the next session in a couple of weeks, which she accepts. Kelsey thinks about how she might grow to really like Li as she's driving back home. Then she goes to bed.
I rolled onto my side, cuddled under my grandmother's quilt, and accidentally knocked my white stuffed tiger off the bed.
Symbolism! Ham-fisted, unsubtle symbolism! She thinks about just leaving it on the floor, but:
My resolve only lasted five minutes, and I berated myself for being weak. Leaning over the bed, I cuddled my stuffed tiger to my chest, apologizing profusely for even thinking about it.
Aaand, ruined!
That's the end of the chapter.
Closing Thoughts
Wow, absolutely fuck all happened this chapter! There is exactly one thing this chapter that leads to a plot point later on. Try to guess what it is, it's literally impossible.
Next time, Chapter Four: A Christmas Present! An old friend returns, and more pointless drama happens that does absolutely nothing.
To quote Undertale...
ReplyDeleteDATING START!!!
DATING... STOP?