Chapter 4: A Christmas Present
Welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, Kelsey went on three different dates. That's literally it. One of them is plot relevant, and by that I mean that one of them leads up to something plot relevant.
No, it's not the one you think it is.
Nothing enjoyable happened, either, so it's not like we got any entertainment out of it. Artie is cartoonishly Nice Guy-ish, and Jason is so boring that despite the fact that this is my third time reading through this book I had to check that this is actually his name. Li is pretty cool, I guess. We learned nothing new about Kelsey other than she apparently lets everyone walk all over her instead of just Ren.
Chapter Four: A Christmas Present
So here's some more confirmation that Kelsey celebrates Christmas, at least. This is a continuation of my question from the last book, when Kelsey literally met the goddess Durga and then didn't even think about the fact that all Judeo-Christian religions, and every religion that isn't in the Indian subcontinent, are all fake.
But that's just me, using my brain, I guess. It's not important.
Kelsey says that now Halloween is over, she's spending most of her time working for finals. We've seen her speak about very few assignments, and she's gotten major assistance from Mr. Kadam on all of them. I'm not sure what she's actually doing. This would, again, be a decent place to have Kelsey learn something that might come in handy for her quest later on in the book, or at least foreshadow something, but nope! Kelsey's life outside of Ren is completely meaningless, so we don't get to hear about it unless she's dating other boys, which makes her think about Ren.
Artie is still being persistent.
"Somehow, he tracked down my cell phone number and called me at exactly 5:00 pm every evening. Sometimes, he waited for me after class. The guy would not take a hint.
Oh, like how Ren has acted in every single interaction you've had with him, even when you made it crystal clear that you didn't want him touching you or kissing you? Wait, I guess it was okay for Ren because he's hot, while Artie is gross and fat. Double standards!
Kelsey's been on a few other dates with Jason, which we don't get to hear about because he's also not hot like Li or Ren. She knows that they're not super compatible, but she's not opposed to casual dating in the meantime. This isn't a super common idea for YA protagonists to have, so props for being different, I suppose.
Li also asks her out for a real date with just the two of them instead of as part of a group. Kelsey is kind of blindsided by this and accepts, and Li asks if she's really actually into him or not.
I thought for a minute about what to say next. "Well, to be honest with you, I think you're great, and I like you a lot. In fact, you're at the top of my like list. But, I don't know if I can be serious with anyone right now. I just sort of broke up with someone recently, and it still hurts."
"Oh. It's hard to get over things like that. I understand. I'd still want to see you, though. I mean, if you think you'd like to go out with me and you're ready to."
Why is Li about 100 times better than any of the other real love interests in this stupid series?
Li tells her that there's a theater that plays old martial arts movies. Because Li is a side character, and his only interests can be related to martial arts and nerd hobbies.
Kelsey is still going to wushu classes, and says that "if someone attacked me, I might actually be able to fend them off." After only a few months of class. Sure.
Who needed tiger protection? I'd just kick my enemy in the face.
Two problems. One, that's just about the worst place to try to kick someone if they're attacking you? Showy stuff like that looks cool in movies but is not good for a real fight. Legs or groin are where you want to aim in a real fight.
Two, she never uses wushu in the book again. She still relies on "tiger protection" because she's useless.
After class one day, Li moves in for a kiss, but Kelsey turns away, because Drama. Li isn't bothered by it, and actually gives her space. If we remember the stupid conversation from the last book where Kelsey was furious with Ren when he asked permission to kiss her, Kelsey should now be really angry with Li, but consistent characterization is for chumps.
Isn't all this stuff riveting?
It's okay, though, because Mr. Kadam calls her up with some Plot. He's managed to translate another part of the prophecy!
The prophecy talks about something called "the test of the four houses." Specifically, a house of gourds, a house of temptresses, and two houses involving "some sort of winged creatures." He's not sure exactly what that means because metal or iron is mentioned later on. He asks her to do some research about what the tests could be referring to. Ah, I can hear you say, this is when something Kelsey learns about in class could be useful! You utter fool, I say. That would require foresight. No, Kelsey learns nothing from her research, and only understands what the test of the four houses is when she actually gets there.
She spends Thanksgiving at Sarah and Mike's, which gives Kelsey some more time to make fun of Sarah's cooking.
"So what's new? Any hot guys you want to tell us about at school?" Sarah teased.
So, like, does Kelsey have any platonic friends at all? She spends all of her time going on dates and moping at home.
Kelsey specifically responds that she's going out with Li and Jason, which makes Sarah and Mike...weirdly excited.
Jennifer has also invited both Li and her to Thanksgiving dinner, so Kelsey ducks out and meets Li at Jennifer's house. It's not very exciting and most of it is spent talking about pie.
After dinner, Jennifer basically corners Kelsey in the kitchen (while the girls do dishes because this book has some weird hangups with gender roles) and asks how things are going with Li. I'm not sure why Jennifer is gossiping like a teenager, considering she's middle-aged, married, and has kids. Kelsey gives a non-committal answer, and Jennifer intuits that it's about Ren. She and Kelsey talk about Ren, and Kelsey admits that she ended up leaving him, that he was ~so perfect~ and that she loved him.
Then they see Li in the doorway, who overheard the whole thing. Whomp whomp! He stomps out of the house, and Kelsey goes to talk to him. He asks if she's still in love with Ren, and Kelsey says that she thinks so.
He visibly deflated.
"But, Li, it doesn't matter. He's gone. He's on another continent. If he wanted to be with me that badly, he could be, and he's not."
YOU! TOLD! HIM! NOT! TO!
What is it with Kelsey pushing Ren away and then getting mad that he respects her wishes? That's super weird and not a great relationship dynamic you're pushing, Houck.
Li eventually decides that it'll be easier if they slow down a bit, and see how they do as friends for a while before getting into a serious relationship. Li is literally so much better than Ren??
Li smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "You're worth waiting for, Kelsey. And just for the record, the guy was crazy to let you leave."
AAUGH, it's almost like sometimes people break up and don't want to be in a relationship anymore! If the alternative is literally kidnapping, it's not crazy! Wait, Ren already kidnapped Kelsey.
Scene break! Kelsey does research for Mr. Kadam and finds nothing useful. Told you.
Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Kelsey goes with Li to his cousin's wedding.
Red parasols, golden Chinese fans, and fancy origami decorated the dining room . . .
One of these things is not like the others! One of these things just doesn't belong!
It looks like Houck did a bit of research for Chinese food symbolism:
Fish to symbolize abundance, a whole lobster to represent completeness, Peking duck for joy and happiness, shark fin soup to grant wealth, noodles for long life, and sea cucumber salad for marital harmony. Li tried to get me to taste sweet lotus seed buns that symbolized fertility.
Uh, pretty sure shark fin soup is illegal in the US.
Now, I'm not an expert in what kinds of food are typically served at weddings, but the list seems to be cobbled together from foods served on different holidays.
Scene break! It's Christmas now, and we get a catalogue of the gifts Kelsey has received: jogging gear from Sarah and Mike and a scarf and gloves from their kids. Kelsey has purchased a martial arts movie set for Li, which is nice. She's also decided that she's going to kiss him at the end of their date. Oooh!
The doorbell rings, and Kelsey tells Sarah and Mike that Mr. Kadam said to expect a package that day, so she goes to open the door.
Standing on the front stoop was the most beautiful man on the planet. My heart stopped and then galloped thunderously in my chest. Anxious cobalt eyes explored every feature of my face. Lines of tension and stress faded from his expression, and he breathed deeply like a man who had been underwater for too long.
Oh, shit, Ren's back! He hugs her and Kelsey calls him her "warrior angel" again.
Sighing, he whispered only one word, "Kelsey."
And with that, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
What a worthless chapter. Nothing happens in it, and then Ren shows up. That's...literally it. It feels like filler because it is filler. All the stuff with Li is completely worthless, because he does nothing important. All the wushu stuff means nothing, all of Kelsey's schoolwork means nothing, any relationship Kelsey has with anyone but Ren means nothing. Which makes it such a drag to read through, because it's all pointless. There's no plot, we don't learn anything about any of the characters that we don't already know, and nothing entertaining happens.
I guess we get to live vicariously through Kelsey and go on lots of dates?
Next time, Chapter 5: Return! Ren's back, and I still hate him.
Last time, Kelsey went on three different dates. That's literally it. One of them is plot relevant, and by that I mean that one of them leads up to something plot relevant.
No, it's not the one you think it is.
Nothing enjoyable happened, either, so it's not like we got any entertainment out of it. Artie is cartoonishly Nice Guy-ish, and Jason is so boring that despite the fact that this is my third time reading through this book I had to check that this is actually his name. Li is pretty cool, I guess. We learned nothing new about Kelsey other than she apparently lets everyone walk all over her instead of just Ren.
Chapter Four: A Christmas Present
So here's some more confirmation that Kelsey celebrates Christmas, at least. This is a continuation of my question from the last book, when Kelsey literally met the goddess Durga and then didn't even think about the fact that all Judeo-Christian religions, and every religion that isn't in the Indian subcontinent, are all fake.
But that's just me, using my brain, I guess. It's not important.
Kelsey says that now Halloween is over, she's spending most of her time working for finals. We've seen her speak about very few assignments, and she's gotten major assistance from Mr. Kadam on all of them. I'm not sure what she's actually doing. This would, again, be a decent place to have Kelsey learn something that might come in handy for her quest later on in the book, or at least foreshadow something, but nope! Kelsey's life outside of Ren is completely meaningless, so we don't get to hear about it unless she's dating other boys, which makes her think about Ren.
Artie is still being persistent.
"Somehow, he tracked down my cell phone number and called me at exactly 5:00 pm every evening. Sometimes, he waited for me after class. The guy would not take a hint.
Oh, like how Ren has acted in every single interaction you've had with him, even when you made it crystal clear that you didn't want him touching you or kissing you? Wait, I guess it was okay for Ren because he's hot, while Artie is gross and fat. Double standards!
Kelsey's been on a few other dates with Jason, which we don't get to hear about because he's also not hot like Li or Ren. She knows that they're not super compatible, but she's not opposed to casual dating in the meantime. This isn't a super common idea for YA protagonists to have, so props for being different, I suppose.
Li also asks her out for a real date with just the two of them instead of as part of a group. Kelsey is kind of blindsided by this and accepts, and Li asks if she's really actually into him or not.
I thought for a minute about what to say next. "Well, to be honest with you, I think you're great, and I like you a lot. In fact, you're at the top of my like list. But, I don't know if I can be serious with anyone right now. I just sort of broke up with someone recently, and it still hurts."
"Oh. It's hard to get over things like that. I understand. I'd still want to see you, though. I mean, if you think you'd like to go out with me and you're ready to."
Why is Li about 100 times better than any of the other real love interests in this stupid series?
Li tells her that there's a theater that plays old martial arts movies. Because Li is a side character, and his only interests can be related to martial arts and nerd hobbies.
Kelsey is still going to wushu classes, and says that "if someone attacked me, I might actually be able to fend them off." After only a few months of class. Sure.
Who needed tiger protection? I'd just kick my enemy in the face.
Two problems. One, that's just about the worst place to try to kick someone if they're attacking you? Showy stuff like that looks cool in movies but is not good for a real fight. Legs or groin are where you want to aim in a real fight.
Two, she never uses wushu in the book again. She still relies on "tiger protection" because she's useless.
After class one day, Li moves in for a kiss, but Kelsey turns away, because Drama. Li isn't bothered by it, and actually gives her space. If we remember the stupid conversation from the last book where Kelsey was furious with Ren when he asked permission to kiss her, Kelsey should now be really angry with Li, but consistent characterization is for chumps.
Isn't all this stuff riveting?
It's okay, though, because Mr. Kadam calls her up with some Plot. He's managed to translate another part of the prophecy!
The prophecy talks about something called "the test of the four houses." Specifically, a house of gourds, a house of temptresses, and two houses involving "some sort of winged creatures." He's not sure exactly what that means because metal or iron is mentioned later on. He asks her to do some research about what the tests could be referring to. Ah, I can hear you say, this is when something Kelsey learns about in class could be useful! You utter fool, I say. That would require foresight. No, Kelsey learns nothing from her research, and only understands what the test of the four houses is when she actually gets there.
She spends Thanksgiving at Sarah and Mike's, which gives Kelsey some more time to make fun of Sarah's cooking.
"So what's new? Any hot guys you want to tell us about at school?" Sarah teased.
So, like, does Kelsey have any platonic friends at all? She spends all of her time going on dates and moping at home.
Kelsey specifically responds that she's going out with Li and Jason, which makes Sarah and Mike...weirdly excited.
Jennifer has also invited both Li and her to Thanksgiving dinner, so Kelsey ducks out and meets Li at Jennifer's house. It's not very exciting and most of it is spent talking about pie.
After dinner, Jennifer basically corners Kelsey in the kitchen (while the girls do dishes because this book has some weird hangups with gender roles) and asks how things are going with Li. I'm not sure why Jennifer is gossiping like a teenager, considering she's middle-aged, married, and has kids. Kelsey gives a non-committal answer, and Jennifer intuits that it's about Ren. She and Kelsey talk about Ren, and Kelsey admits that she ended up leaving him, that he was ~so perfect~ and that she loved him.
Then they see Li in the doorway, who overheard the whole thing. Whomp whomp! He stomps out of the house, and Kelsey goes to talk to him. He asks if she's still in love with Ren, and Kelsey says that she thinks so.
He visibly deflated.
"But, Li, it doesn't matter. He's gone. He's on another continent. If he wanted to be with me that badly, he could be, and he's not."
YOU! TOLD! HIM! NOT! TO!
What is it with Kelsey pushing Ren away and then getting mad that he respects her wishes? That's super weird and not a great relationship dynamic you're pushing, Houck.
Li eventually decides that it'll be easier if they slow down a bit, and see how they do as friends for a while before getting into a serious relationship. Li is literally so much better than Ren??
Li smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "You're worth waiting for, Kelsey. And just for the record, the guy was crazy to let you leave."
AAUGH, it's almost like sometimes people break up and don't want to be in a relationship anymore! If the alternative is literally kidnapping, it's not crazy! Wait, Ren already kidnapped Kelsey.
Scene break! Kelsey does research for Mr. Kadam and finds nothing useful. Told you.
Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Kelsey goes with Li to his cousin's wedding.
Red parasols, golden Chinese fans, and fancy origami decorated the dining room . . .
One of these things is not like the others! One of these things just doesn't belong!
It looks like Houck did a bit of research for Chinese food symbolism:
Fish to symbolize abundance, a whole lobster to represent completeness, Peking duck for joy and happiness, shark fin soup to grant wealth, noodles for long life, and sea cucumber salad for marital harmony. Li tried to get me to taste sweet lotus seed buns that symbolized fertility.
Uh, pretty sure shark fin soup is illegal in the US.
Now, I'm not an expert in what kinds of food are typically served at weddings, but the list seems to be cobbled together from foods served on different holidays.
Scene break! It's Christmas now, and we get a catalogue of the gifts Kelsey has received: jogging gear from Sarah and Mike and a scarf and gloves from their kids. Kelsey has purchased a martial arts movie set for Li, which is nice. She's also decided that she's going to kiss him at the end of their date. Oooh!
The doorbell rings, and Kelsey tells Sarah and Mike that Mr. Kadam said to expect a package that day, so she goes to open the door.
Standing on the front stoop was the most beautiful man on the planet. My heart stopped and then galloped thunderously in my chest. Anxious cobalt eyes explored every feature of my face. Lines of tension and stress faded from his expression, and he breathed deeply like a man who had been underwater for too long.
Oh, shit, Ren's back! He hugs her and Kelsey calls him her "warrior angel" again.
Sighing, he whispered only one word, "Kelsey."
And with that, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
What a worthless chapter. Nothing happens in it, and then Ren shows up. That's...literally it. It feels like filler because it is filler. All the stuff with Li is completely worthless, because he does nothing important. All the wushu stuff means nothing, all of Kelsey's schoolwork means nothing, any relationship Kelsey has with anyone but Ren means nothing. Which makes it such a drag to read through, because it's all pointless. There's no plot, we don't learn anything about any of the characters that we don't already know, and nothing entertaining happens.
I guess we get to live vicariously through Kelsey and go on lots of dates?
Next time, Chapter 5: Return! Ren's back, and I still hate him.
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