Chapter 24: Endings and Epilogue

It's the last chapter! I'm also adding the epilogue in because it's only two pages long. This'll probably be my last post in a while (outside of a couple of posts discussing the story as a whole rather than chapter-by-chapter) because it's finals time again! I'll be finished up with school in early May, so we can hope for some more regular updates around then. With book two! I remember that there's more Kishan in the second book, and he's moderately less annoying than Ren.

Anyway! Last time, nothing much happened except for badly-written flirting (?) and us learning that the curse was kind of lifted. A quarter of it, at least. That was it.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Endings

We open with Kelsey thinking about the dinner she and Ren had the night before. She resolves to finally do something about the whole Ren situation. She repeats (again) her reasoning for not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with him: she's terrified that he's going to realize that he can do better and then dump her, breaking her heart in the process.

This would be a more valid thought process if Ren had given any indication that this is the case. He has not (outside of flirting with the waitress last chapter, but that was more to be obnoxious than anything else, which is a character flaw but not one that is ever picked up on by Kelsey). Kelsey's only argument seems to be that she thinks she isn't pretty.

I would end up crushed. Oh, it would be great for a while. Really, really great. But, it would never last. He was an Adonis, and I was no Helen of Troy.

Is it possible to mix an allusion the way you can mix a metaphor? Because Adonis and Helen of Troy have nothing to do with each other. Also, Adonis is an actual figure in Greek mythology, so you don't need to have an "an" in front of there.

She eventually decides that it's probably a better idea to head back to Oregon to give Ren time to see what else is available to him. With that in mind, she meets up with Mr. Kadam so they can drive back to Ren's house. Mr. Kadam apologizes for being late with some mysterious "paperwork" and he's obvious enough about it that even Kelsey picks up that he's not telling her everything.

But forget that! Human Ren's back on screen! With all the fashion of the early 2010s!

Ren wore a brand new pair of dark-indigo, purposely faded, urban-destruction designer jeans.

These sound absolutely hideous and I love them. Also, there shouldn't be a hyphen between "dark" and "indigo".

His shirt was a long-sleeved, buttoned-down, crisp, oxford-style and was obviously of high quality.

OOF. "Oxford" should be capitalized because it's a proper noun (I checked). That sentence is missing a noun, since "Oxford-style" is an adjective (because it's hyphenated). Even without the hyphen, there's usually a noun following the descriptor (like "shirt" or "shoe").

It was blue with thin white stripes that matched his eyes perfectly.

Not those pants, though, if they're indigo, which is a purplish color. Also, the way this is written makes it seem like the white stripes in the shirt match his eyes, when it's clearly supposed to be the blue.

He'd rolled up the sleeves and left his shirt open at the collar.

Not gonna lie, this is a great look. Even if your clothes don't match, Ren.

It was also an athletic cut, so it fit tightly to his muscular torso, which made me suck in an involuntary breath in appreciation of his male splendor.

I don't think I've ever seen the words "male splendor" outside of badly-written fanfiction, and even there it only ever refers to a specific part of the, ah, male anatomy.

He looks like a runway model. How in the world am I going to be able to reject that? The world is so unfair. Seriously, it's like turning Brad Pitt down for a date.

This was published in 2011, and while Brad Pitt is very attractive, I'm not sure he would have been the first choice for an eighteen-year-old girl. Like, Thor came out in 2011. Captain America came out in 2011.

On a side note, I'm going to go have an existential crisis because Thor and Captain America came out in 2011.

Kelsey complains to herself about what she's decided to do.

"Figures. The guy is a tiger for three hundred and fifty years and emerges from his curse with expensive taste and keen fashion sense too. Incredible!"

Who talks like this? Seriously, say this out loud. It sounds ridiculous.

Ren hears her because he has super tiger hearing and smirks at her, because he's annoying.

Mr. Kadam chats away happily in the car on the way back about how he's glad that Ren can have at least some semblance of a human life now. Kelsey thinks about how Mr. Kadam has dedicated his life to Ren to such a degree that he's a slave to the tigers as much as to the curse.

The thought occurred to me that I was in danger of becoming a slave to a tiger as well. Hah! I'd probably like it too.

Kinky. Also, you're missing a comma before "too."

Is it just me or is there a lot more grammatical errors in this chapter than the others?

I rolled my eyes at the thought. I disgust myself. I'm so darn weak!

Well, it's better than "gads," so I'll let it slide.

They get back home and Kelsey decides to go to bed for the night since they'd been driving all day. She takes Fanindra out of her backpack and places her on a pillow overlooking the pool so she has a nice view. Aww.

She also takes out the Golden Fruit and thinks about how she's hungry, but that she's also too lazy to go to the kitchen. She gets ready for bed, and there's a plate of cheese and crackers next to her bed, which she chalks up to Mr. Kadam leaving her a snack while she wasn't in the room.

The next day, Kelsey goes down to the kitchen to get some food, and she finds Ren making a sandwich. He's gotten every vegetable out of the refrigerator and every condiment out of the cupboards, and he's loaded it all onto one sandwich. Which sounds nasty, but you do you, Ren. He's wearing an apron, which is an admittedly funny image that I don't hate.

He says that he heard her get up and that he made a sandwich for her. Kelsey refuses his concoction and asks him where the peanut butter is. He hasn't used any of the jars with English writing on them, which makes Kelsey realize that he can't read in English.

Um, if we're getting into this at the end of the book, I have another question. How can he speak English? Yeah, he was in a circus for a long time, but I can only assume that most of them weren't English-speaking, because he toured around Asia for a while. And while it does help to listen to what people are saying, you can't pick up everything that way. And Ren has a remarkably good grasp on English, to the point where he understands slang (but not specific references).

On that point, how does Kishan know English? He's been in a jungle by himself for literally the entire time he's been a tiger. He doesn't even have Ren's excuse that he was around a lot of other people.

If it hadn't been brought up, I wouldn't really question it. But, like the religion issue, it's out in the open now, and it's annoying me.

Kelsey says that if he can't read the jars he should just open them up and smell them.

"See? That's why I need to have you around. I need a smart girlfriend."

I sputtered, "Ren, I am not your girlfriend!"

Ren knows that Kelsey's not into being in a romantic relationship with him. That's literally what the last few chapters have been about. Ren's being very pushy and I hate him.

Ren makes her a peanut butter sandwich, and digs into his disgusting monstrosity.

I blinked at it and laughed. "You're eating a Dagwood."

"What's a Dagwood?"

"A giant sandwich named after a comic strip character."

Blondie began syndication in the 1930s.

Kelsey tells Ren to meet her on the veranda at sundown.

He froze with the sandwich halfway to his mouth. "A secret rendezvous? On the veranda? At sundown?" He arched an eyebrow at me. "Why, Kelsey, are you trying to seduce me?"

You have to pick one way or the other, Houck. Either Ren understands cultural references, or he doesn't. He doesn't know what a Dagwood is, but he can quote a line from The Graduate with no trouble? He didn't even know who Shakespeare was.

Kelsey brushes him off and tells him to be there. They clean up the kitchen together, and as Kelsey is cleaning some dishes he goes up behind her and starts sniffing her hair.

He smelled my hair, kissed my neck, and murmured softly in my ear. "Mmm, definitely peaches and cream, but with a hint of spice. I'll go be a tiger for a while and take a nap, and then I can save all my hours for you this evening."

Rather than clarify that this is really not what the meeting is going to be about, or even having the conversation now, Kelsey just goes with it.

He quotes some Romeo and Juliet at her, and Kelsey is shocked that he knows it. He points out that she read it to him before, and she's surprised he remembered. It's not that surprising, Kelsey, he cares about you so he remembers what you say. Unlike you, who can't remember speaking to a literal goddess, apparently.

She spends the rest of the day thinking about how she's going to break the news to him. There's a list of vague platitudes along the line of, "It's not you, it's me."

Heck, I even tried "I'm allergic to cats."

I'll admit, I laughed at that.

She decides that she can't come up with a good excuse.

I decided that the best thing to do was be straightforward with him, and tell him the truth.

Um, yes? I've been saying this since you started fighting. Four chapters ago.

That's who I was. I faced things, got on with the hard parts, and moved on with life.

Which is exactly why you've been avoiding talking to him for days, purposefully not breaking up with him, and lying to him as to why you've been mad at him?

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY THAT YOUR CHARACTER ACTS A CERTAIN WAY DOESN'T MAKE THAT TRUE. This is pretty much the exact opposite of the characterization we've gotten of Kelsey so far!

Mr. Kadam isn't around the house, and Kelsey prepares her break-up look. There's more clothes in her closet, and do you want more description of clothing with way too many adjectives? You're in luck!

I came out with a mulberry, small-scale, plaid, cotton blouse trimmed in black silk, and some slim-leg black pants cropped at the ankles.

I think a few of those can be taken out. Also, what does "small-scale" even mean?

The charitable thing to do would be to make myself as homely-looking as possible, which would probably make it much easier on him, but I didn't want his parting memories of me to be that I was a frumpy mess dressed in tomboy clothes.

Except he's already seen you as a frumpy mess in tomboy clothes? When you were camping out in the jungle for days on end without access to clean clothes or a shower or anything? Am I actually losing my mind?

I do have some feminine pride after all. I still want him to squirm. At least a little.

What does this even mean???

Also, that's kind of mean?

Kelsey watches the sun set through her window. It's pretty.

I sighed and spoke aloud, "The only thing missing is one of those fruity, tropical drinks with pineapple, cherries, and an umbrella." Something fizzed next to me on a side table. It was a curved, frosty glass containing a cold red-orange fruit drink, complete with umbrella and cherries! I picked it up to see if it was real. It was. I sipped it cautiously, and the bubbly sweet juice was perfect.

um hi what

Ren comes into the room (not even a knock, the jerk) and any thought of mysteriously-appearing magical fruit drinks disappears from Kelsey's head now that he's in her immediate vicinity. He smells like sandalwood and jasmine (which, if you remember, is that mysterious smell Kelsey noticed aaaaaall the way back at the circus before she knew that Ren was a dude). Instead of immediately getting down to business and letting Ren down before he gets the wrong idea about this meeting (oh, wait, too late for that), they just sit there for a while and enjoy the breeze.

Kelsey asks him to sit across from her, and then he starts massaging her feet. 

Kelsey psyches herself up to break up with him, and says that there's something they need to talk about.

I blew out a breath. "You see, I can't . . . reciprocate your feelings. Or your, ummm, affections."

He laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, what I mean, is I--"

He leaned forward and spoke in a low voice, full of meaning, "Kelsey, I know you reciprocate my feelings. Don't pretend anymore that you don't have them."

That's great in a love interest. Someone who completely invalidates your concerns by thinking they're funny and then saying that you're lying!

I mean, he's right, but that's almost worse, because it means that his feelings toward Kelsey matter more than her misgivings about the relationship. Nice.

When did he figure all this out? Maybe when you were kissing him like an idiot, Kells.

Yeah. That's called "leading him on," Kelsey.

She admits that she's attracted to him but insists that it would never work out. Because she's too attracted to him. Here, look:

"Because I'm too attracted to you."

She uses a hysterical metaphor to try to explain to him how she feels. She says that to someone who's starving, a radish would look really tasty. But if there was a buffet in front of him, he'd never even think about taking the radish.

Ren paused a moment. "I don't get it. What are you saying?"

"I'm saying . . . I'm the radish."

"And what am I? The buffet?"

It's not that hard to figure out, Mr. "I have a great love for poetry and Shakespeare" Smartypants.

I tried to explain it further. "No . . . you're the man. Now . . . I don't really want to be the radish. I mean, who does? But I'm grounded enough to know what I am, and I am not a buffet. I mean, you could be having chocolate eclairs, for heaven's sake."

"But not radishes."

"No."

"What . . ." Ren paused thoughtfully, "if I like radishes?"

"You don't. You don't know any better."

This metaphor is destroying me from the inside out.

At the same time, I think it could work. The basic building blocks are there: Kelsey has low self-esteem, and she thinks she's not good enough. Sure. But the problem is, we don't know why Kelsey has such low self-esteem. I can only guess that it's from her looks, because she only ever starts thinking about how she's not good enough for him when she starts thinking about how hot he is. But...we don't know what she's so insecure about. I speculated earlier in this spork that it might be because she's a bit curvier than most people (~Rubenesque~ even; thanks, Ready Player One, for that fun term) but she's described later on as being "slim." So that can't be it. The only other thing about her physical appearance that we know is that she has brown hair and she wears braids with ribbons in them. That's...pretty much it, actually.

Plus, literally every single male character constantly tells her how beautiful she is? Ren says it constantly, and Mr. Kadam constantly compliments her on how nice she looks, and Ren fought with Kishan over the fact that Kishan thought she was pretty.

So, no, I don't know why Kelsey is insecure outside of "teenage girl." Which, having once been a teenage girl, I totally understand, but there's usually something a teenage girl can pinpoint about her appearance that she doesn't like. Kelsey never does this.

The only other thing I can think of outside of appearance is that Kelsey doesn't appear to have a ton of money like Ren does. She brings up actresses and supermodels a lot, and these people tend to have a lot of money in combination with being gorgeous. But Ren seems to be content playing Sugar Daddy and just buying her things, so it's not really that, either.

"I'm also really sorry that I've been so rude to you. I'm not normally. I don't know where all the sarcasm comes from."

Ren raised an eyebrow.

"Okay. I have a cynical, evil side that is normally hidden. But when I'm under great stress or extremely desperate, it comes out."

Is that why you've been sarcastic throughout the entire book? Before you knew that Ren was human? And is that why you were constantly being rude about your foster mom's cooking and making fun of her for being crunchy?

Lol remember her foster parents? I don't think she's talked to them since she got to Ren's house the first time.

She admits that she's been trying to push him away, and it looks like this is the first time that Ren notices this. But he got angry in Kishkindha when she was pushing him away, didn't he? That's because he knew she was pushing him away. The problem wasn't that he didn't know what was going on, the problem was that he didn't know why.

I just want some semblance of consistency. Please.

I could hear the frustration in his voice but pressed on. "Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but you could be going out with some supermodel-turned-actress. Haven't you been paying attention?"

Angrily, he shouted, "Oh, yes, indeed I am paying attention! What you're saying is that I should be a stuck-up, rich, shallow, libertine who cares only about wealth, power, and bettering my status.

There shouldn't be a comma before "libertine." Also, this word is giving me flashbacks to Maradonia.

That I should date superficial, fickle, pretentious, brainless women who care more about my status than they do about me.

Painting a rather broad brush, there, Ren. Stereotyping! Also, please put the thesaurus down.

And that I am not wise enough, or up-to-date enough, to know who I want or what I want in life! Does that about sum it up?"

I squeaked out a small, "Yes."

Ren tells her that she's wrong about her feelings. He says that she's different from everyone else that he's seen over the centuries that he's been a tiger.

"You were special."

Oof. Also, we've literally had this conversation before, back when he first revealed himself as human to Kelsey.

Kelsey says that it's probably because of the curse, and that he sensed that she was important and is misinterpreting his feelings.

"I highly doubt it. I've never felt this way about anyone, even before the curse."

Um, doesn't that prove Kelsey's point? If he's never felt this way before, he wouldn't have anything to compare it to, so it could actually just be that he's misinterpreting his feelings?

This was not going the way I wanted it to. Ren was the dark side, the forbidden fruit, my personal Delilah--the ultimate temptation.

Holy mixed metaphors, Batman! Also, the Biblical allusions are just making me more annoyed because we still haven't had a discussion about how other modern religions play into the setting.

Just wait until the next book, it gets even more confusing.

She tells him that she's going back home to Oregon, both for protection from Lokesh and to give him some time apart from her. Ren gets angry and says that he won't let her leave (shooting holes in the whole "you're free to leave anytime" jazz both he and Mr. Kadam had been spouting before). Kelsey says that she's happy to help them find the three other MacGuffins when they need her to.

He's angry (shocker) and Kelsey says that she'd like to go to bed. She does have one final thing to ask of him:

"It would be easier on me if I didn't see you, I mean as a man."

There should be a comma after "I mean," but okay. She says, "Take care of yourself," and walks away. How he's going to be able to leave when he's in the veranda attached to her bedroom, I have no idea, but we don't see him for the rest of the scene. Maybe he jumped off the balcony or something.

She goes and cries in the bathroom for a bit, and it's very purple.

Gut-wrenching spasms shook my body. My eyes, nose, and mouth all leaked simultaneously as I allowed myself to feel the empty despair of loss.

She wakes up the next morning and can't bring herself to leave her room because she's So Sad and doesn't want to deal with Ren, so she decides to write in her journal instead. Her stomach growls and she wishes that she has some of Mr. Kadam's crepes. 

She looks over and there's some crepes sitting next to her.

That's just too convenient.

This is the third time this has happened. I'll excuse the first time, but this is stupid.

She decides to test this out, and asks for some chocolate milk, which appears.

This time, I tried to think something.

That's how it's happened the first three times. We already know this works.

She tries to wish for some new shoes, but nothing happens. But when she thinks about a strawberry milkshake, one appears out of nowhere. So it only works with food.

Marvel at Kelsey's brain trying to figure out what's going on:

What is doing this? The gada? Fanindra? Durga? The Fruit? The Fruit! The Golden Fruit of India! Mr. Kadam had said that through the Golden Fruit, the people of India would be fed. The Golden Fruit provided food!

Why does it take her so long to figure this out? Food wasn't appearing out of nowhere after getting the Fruit, and now that they have it, food is appearing out of nowhere. Nothing else has changed.

Not even going to mention the fact that they've had it for several days before it started doing this without food showing up out of nowhere, but I think that's a plot hole more than anything else.

Let's factor in the analysis that I did when Mr. Kadam told us the story of the Golden Fruit in the first place. The way he explained the story, the fact that Hanuman had possession of the Fruit means that it worked as it was supposed to by providing food.

"One fruit from that tree ripened quickly and became golden, and that Golden Fruit was taken and hidden by Hanuman, the half-human, half-monkey king of Kishkindha. As long as the fruit is protected, India's people will be fed."

Remember that the fruit was on a golden tree when Kelsey stole it from Kishkindha. I can only guess that the fact that the fruit was growing off of a tree in Kishkindha means that this was part of the process Hanuman used to protect the fruit and give food to India.

And now Kelsey has separated the fruit from the tree and is using it to make snacks.

Kelsey wishes for a radish, and then once she gets it, she throws it in the trash. Not content to let this bit of effective symbolism stand on its own, Houck tells us exactly what it means, removing any bit of subtle symbolism this has.

I mumbled ironically, "See? Even I don't want a radish."

It almost worked before that.

She stops herself from going to tell Ren about the fruit, and says that she'll wait for Mr. Kadam to get back to share it with both of them.

I dug into my crepes and enjoyed my meal--all the more special because it was magical.

So, like, it creates actual food out of nothing, and it's not like a fairy gold kind of situation. Where does the food come from? How does it work? Screw conservation of mass! I guess because it's a divine gift, it doesn't really matter.

Because it's convenient, Mr. Kadam gets home right after this, and Kelsey gets him to wish for some food. He says he would like a bowl of his mother's stew, and it appears in front of him. He thinks it's cool. Kelsey says that she'd like him to arrange her trip home. She gives the excuse that it's because of Lokesh, but even Mr. Kadam knows how little impact he's had on the story and thinks its for a different reason.

This causes Kelsey to finally talk to someone about her problems, and she spills the entire problem she's been having with Ren with Mr. Kadam. She's embarrassed that she told him all of this stuff about Ren, but he says that she shouldn't worry about it. She asks him not to tell Ren.

"Rest assured, I will never break your confidence." He chuckled. "I am very good at keeping secrets, my dear. Don't despair. Life often seems hopeless and too complicated to hammer out a happy result. I only hope I can offer you some of the peace and harmony that you have given me."

Mr. Kadam only exists for exposition and to make Kelsey feel better. He's not allowed to do anything else.

He says he'll arrange her trip back home, and says that she always has a place at their home.

"If it's not too forward of me, I consider you as a daughter." He laughed. "Or perhaps, granddaughter would be more accurate."

Mr. Kadam is biologically in his early forties. If Ren is allowed to be seen as a twenty-three year old, Mr. Kadam is allowed to be portrayed as someone who's middle-aged.

Kelsey hugs him, and he suggests that she go relax by the pool while he makes the travel arrangements. She agrees, and swims around for a while. The Golden Fruit has an area of effect, apparently, since it still works outside when it's up in her room.

As she's floating in the pool, she sees a tall figure walk up, and she tells Ren off for coming to see her.

"You don't want to see me? And after I came all this way?" He clicked his tongue. "Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Someone needs to teach you some manners, Miss."

I gasped, "Kishan?"

He grinned, "Who else, bilauta?"

I mean, you can't grin a sentence, but still! Kishan's back! He's one of the less obnoxious characters so far!

Kelsey gets out of the pool and hugs him. Kishan also blatantly checks her out, which she doesn't mind for some reason.

Hey, I said he was less obnoxious. He's not perfect.

Kelsey gets changed out of her swimsuit, and brings back a couple of root beer floats for herself and Kishan, using the Golden Fruit.

She could be giving food to starving populations, and she's just using it to make snacks. To be fair, she did just find out that the Fruit is able to do this, but the thought literally hasn't crossed her mind so far.

Kishan explains why he's there--after meeting Kelsey, he wasn't content to just live his life as a tiger anymore. Because Kelsey is Special.

"I understand. How did you figure out you had six hours, and how did you get here?"

I keep saying that Kelsey doesn't speak like a human. Here's another example. Neither of these things are really related to each other, and they're phrased really awkwardly.

Kishan says that he'd been turning into a human and sneaking into villages to see how things had changed since he'd left it.

He sighed sadly. "The world has changed much since I was last a part of it."

This alone makes Kishan a more interesting character than Ren.

One day after spending time in the village he waited for his time to be up, but it never came. He tested it out to see how long he had, and it was six hours, which tipped him off to the fact that Kelsey and Ren had succeeded in what they were trying to do. After that, he got someone in the village to call Mr. Kadam, who had come to pick him up. This was the mysterious "paperwork" that Mr. Kadam had been working on, and that's why he was mysteriously missing.

Want to know how Kishan figured out Mr. Kadam's phone number despite not knowing how to use a phone? Me too!

I said, "Well, I'm glad you're here. This is your home, and you belong here."

He looked off soberly into the distance. "I guess it is. For the longest time, I felt no spark of humanity in me. My soul was dark. But, you, my dear," he reached over, took my hand, and kissed it, "have brought me back to the light."

That's not how dialogue tags work. Also, love triangle!!!

Kelsey says that it was just because he felt bad about Yesubai. Kishan asks to hear about what they've been up to since he saw them at the waterfall, and Kelsey fills him in on everything that's happened. Kishan wants to know what exactly is going on between Kelsey and Ren, and when Kelsey says they're not together, Kishan is happy about it.

He grinned. "Good!" He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "That means you're free to go out with me. No girl in her right mind would want to be with Ren, anyway. He's very . . . stuffy. Cold, as far as relationships go."

What is it with these two that thinks that just because they're interested in someone, that means she has to also want to go out with them? And, yeah, no one in their right mind would want to be with Ren, but not because he's cold and stuffy, but because he's very pushy and manipulative. And a kidnapper.

Kelsey immediately says that she's not interested in going out with either one of them (showing a bit of backbone, for once), but then immediately backpedals and says that someone would be out of their mind not to want to date Ren.

"In fact, he's considerate, warm, drop-dead gorgeous, dependable, loyal, sweet, and charming."

I'm letting this one slide because it's supposed to show that Kelsey is wrong for not wanting to date Ren. I will say, however, that one of these things is true--he is very hot.

He ventured carefully, "I see. You may be right. The Dhiren I knew has certainly changed in the past couple of hundred years. However, despite that and your insistent claim that you will not be with either one of us, I would like to propose that we go out and celebrate tonight, if not as my . . . what is the correct word?"

"The word is date."

"Date. If not as my date . . . then, as my friend."

I grimaced.

She eventually agrees, though. Kishan suggests that they go to a nightclub in town (which town? they're out in the middle of nowhere in the jungle, remember? the closest town is a tiny village) to celebrate. Kishan excitedly runs off.

I yelled, "Wait, Kishan! I don't even know what to wear!"

He shouted back over his shoulder, "Ask Kadam! He knows everything!"

Ain't that the truth.

Kelsey gets up to go back inside and get ready, and she sees Ren watching her from a balcony. The air becomes "sultry" (described this way twice within two paragraphs) and Kelsey has to physically wrench out of it and she feels bad.

Mr. Kadam seems happy that they're going out celebrating, and Kelsey asks if he and Ren will be coming, too. Kelsey tries to duck out of it, but Mr. Kadam brushes her concerns off. He tells her that she can wear her sharara dress if she wants, so she does.

Mr. Kadam pulls out up front in a "glossy platinum Rolls-Royce" because the thing we need the most right now is more brand-name dropping. Product placement? Whatever.

Ren decides not to come with them (shocking, I know), which disappoints Kelsey.

Kishan darted out of the door. He wore a lightweight burgundy V-neck sweater over pressed khaki slacks. His hair had been trimmed to a shorter length [as opposed to a longer length?] and was cut in angled, choppy layers that had been styled to give him a dramatic fall-in-your-face Hollywood look. [Who cut his hair? Mr. Kadam?] The thin sweater showed off his muscular build. He looked very handsome.

At least we don't get five hundred different synonyms of how gorgeous he is. Kishan gets into the car and immediately starts flirting.

He leaned up between the front seats. "Hey, Kelsey, did you miss--" He whistled. "Wow, Kelsey! You look amazing! I'm going to have to beat the other guys off with a stick!"

The character who didn't know the word "date" a few pages ago now knows the very American word "wow" and correctly uses American idioms like "beating them off with a stick." That doesn't make sense.

They eat dinner, and we actually get some normal interaction between Kelsey and Kishan that isn't charged with weird sexual tension.

We had a fun time looking through the menu together. He asked me what my favorite foods were and what he should try. He translated what the menu said, and I offered my opinions. Mr. Kadam ordered some herbal tea and sat quietly, sipping it as he listened to our discussion. After we ordered our food, we sat back and watched couples swaying on the dance floor.

Granted, it would be better if we actually got to read this exchange as it happened rather than just getting a summary through narration, but I'll take what I can get.

They eat food and Kishan actually seems excited about learning how the modern world works, from listening to the music playing to trying to figure out how to pay for the food. It's tolerable, but that's because Kishan suffers from Jacob Syndrome in that he's only interesting because he's not in a lot of the book, so we can fill in interesting bits of his character on our own before it's inevitably ruined by him becoming a main character.

Mr. Kadam asks Kelsey to dance, and Kelsey actually starts enjoying herself. Kishan is tapping his foot impatiently by the time they get back, because he's entitled to Kelsey or something.

This time, the song was faster. Kishan seemed to be a quick-study as he carefully watched and copied the moves of the other dancers on the floor. He had good rhythm, but he was trying to hard to look natural. We had a good time, and I laughed through the entire song.

So, like, is he twerking or something? Wait, this is 2011, so it'll be the, uh [looks up popular dance moves in 2011), the "Cat Daddy."

I have no idea what that is.

Of course, the next song is a slow dance, and Kishan wants to keep dancing. Suddenly, she hears a low growl barely audible over the music. I don't know if any of you have been to a night club, but the way it usually works is that the music is so deafeningly loud you can't hear yourself when you're shouting as loud as you can.

A quiet but indomitable voice behind me said, "I believe this is my dance."

Of course, it's Ren! Kishan says that it's Kelsey's choice, and Kelsey chooses Ren because she doesn't want to cause a scene. Given how this went the last time, when they fought to the point where they almost died, this is probably a good call. Now that Ren's back on-screen, we get weird sexual tension back, and everything is described in loving detail instead of just summarized like it was with Kishan.

After the song is over, he pulls her outside so they can talk.

The moon made his skin glow. He was wearing a white shirt with dark slacks. The white made me think of him as the tiger.

Hey, neat, a plot hole! How did Ren get here? He can't drive, so he must have turned into a tiger and ran here. So where did he get these clothes? He said in a previous conversation that no matter what he's wearing as a man, when he changes into a tiger and back he's wearing the same white cotton clothing. Here, look:

He responded, "No, I just wanted to wear something different. Actually, when I change into a tiger and back, my white clothes reappear. If I changed to a tiger now and then switch back to a man again, my current clothes will be replaced with my old white ones.

Which, in addition to being incredibly redundant (seriously, those two sentences say exactly the same thing), means that he should be able to have a white shirt and slacks on.

Also, telling instead of showing. How great would it have been if we got a description of the moon shining through the trees, casting dark stripes of shadow onto his white shirt? It's more subtle and effective at showing us that Kelsey is seeing him as the tiger still instead of as a human instead of just telling us that's what's going on.

Anyway. He says that he's been thinking over what Kelsey said to him.

"Kelsey," he brushed a hand through his hair, [THIS ISN'T HOW DIALOGUE TAGS WORK--THERE SHOULD BE A PERIOD AFTER KELSEY] and his smile turned into a lopsided grin, "the fact is . . . I'm in love with you, and I have been for some time."

We been knew.

He says he doesn't want her to leave, and gives her a present. It's an ankle bracelet with a bell on it, which he bought so they wouldn't have to search for a bell again.

Is it telling that his gift to her is useful for helping him and nothing else? Because it's true.

He starts kissing her and begging her to stay in India with him. So, uh, I guess he didn't listen to what she had to say, because she's already explained why she doesn't want to.

It's all very Dramatic:

I felt my resolve crumbling. I wanted him, wanted him badly. I needed him too. I almost gave in. I almost told him that there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to be with him. That I didn't think I was capable of leaving him. That he was more precious to me than anything. That I'd give up anything to be with him.

Precious, you say?

He says that he doesn't think he'll be able to survive without her, which solidifies Kelsey's resolve. She actually makes a semi-decent point, here, I think:

"Don't you see, Ren? That's exactly why I have to go. You need to know that you can survive without me. That there's more to life than just me. 

Which, yeah, if the sole reason for why she's leaving isn't because she thinks he'll dump her for a supermodel, would actually work. It's nice to see a protagonist trying not to foster a weird co-dependent relationship, even if this explanation only works in my head.

She goes on to ruin it and show that this isn't what she means.

You need to see this world that's opened up to you and know that you have choices. I refuse to be your cage."

Because now it's clarified that this is only really about Romance.

She goes on about how she doesn't want to be a cage to him.

I wept openly now. "I'm sorry, Ren, but I won't do that to you. I can't. Because . . . I love you too."

She goes back inside to join Mr. Kadam and Kishan, crying, and they leave to go back home. I guess they just leave Ren there to find his own way back because the car trip back isn't described. She cries and goes to sleep.

She starts packing the next morning. She decides not to bring the sharara dress, the gada, or the Golden Fruit with her, but she does bring Fanindra because she considers her a friend now. Aww. She thinks about leaving behind the anklet Ren gave her, but decides to bring it home to remember Ren.

She goes downstairs and gets in the car with Mr. Kadam and they start to drive away, and she looks at the house as they leave.

Just then, a deafening, heartrending roar shook the trees. I turned in my seat and faced the desolate road ahead.

And with that, we end the final chapter.

Yeah, that's how it ends. WHAT??????????

This is the first book in the series! You still have to tell a complete story in a book when you're planning on writing a series! Heck, even Twilight had a self-contained story! If you stopped reading after the first book, there's still an ending!!!!

Wait, let's see if the epilogue finishes things up...

Epilogue: Shadow

The immaculately dressed man stood at his penthouse office window. He gazed upon the city lights below and clenched his fist.

Or, we'll switch over to Lokesh's point of view. Sure. Well, I'm curious to see what he's up to, at least.

He lived in a city of twenty-nine million people, the most densely populated city in the world, but

Hold on, that's not right. I'm guessing that Houck means he lives in Delhi, because it has a population that's somewhat close to 29 million (in actuality it's closer to 27 million), but it's not the most densely populated city. That would be Manila. And if we're strictly talking about megacities, Tokyo has a much higher population.

Anyway.

He lived in a city of twenty-nine million people, the most densely populated city in the world, but the generations rose and fell like so many waves upon the beach, and he stood alone, a rocky, unmoving sentinel, letting the waves of humanity pass him by, hardly noticing them at all.

Which is admittedly a decent reason for him being evil! He lives for so long that he's stopped seeing other people as people. That's pretty cool, actually. It's more motivation than we usually get for purely evil two-dimensional villains.

How do you find one small person in a city of millions, let alone a world of billions?

So, he's looking for Kelsey. He knows she exists, and he's going to have to try to find her. Who knows how long she has, and when he'll be able to accomplish such a difficult task.

A quiet chime announced his returning assistant who entered and bowed. [needs comma] He stood and said only two words, the words his employer had been longing to hear from the moment he had seen the vision and caught a glimpse of an old foe and a mysterious girl.

"We found her."

Huh. I guess that was easier than I thought.

And with that, we're done.

Closing Thoughts

WE DID IT! WE MADE IT THROUGH TO THE END!!!!!!!

Was it worth it? Was it worth it??

No! This book doesn't work as a standalone story! What did we end up accomplishing?

"We did a thing and it sort of worked, and there wasn't an antagonist so there wasn't any pressure to do anything."

Kishan was a pointless character because he didn't do anything. He wasn't even there as a second love interest, really, because he was only in a few chapters in the book (unlike Jacob, who was in a large portion of Twilight before showing up more in New Moon).

The Golden Fruit magical powers that just showed up in this chapter don't resolve into anything meaningful, either. It has some neat powers that they just use to make snacks, and it doesn't matter. It's already served its purpose as a MacGuffin.

Ren and Kelsey's relationship doesn't resolve, either. It's obvious that they're going to end up together at some point because True Love or something, but Kelsey leaves at the end of the book. They spent the last few chapters at each other's throats! That's a weird ending for the first book in the series!

Oh, fun fact: the acknowledgements list many editors. I was apparently wrong with assuming that there were two (which I incorrectly based off of the FAQ page). The acknowledgments list FIVE EDITORS. AND THERE ARE STILL THIS MANY ERRORS.

WHAT.

All that being said, I feel like some of my previous entries were maybe too hard on Houck the author rather than the book itself. Houck seems like a really pleasant person who's really proud of the series that she's written--and as much as I've been pointing out how it's not a very good series, I'm honestly very happy for her that she's been able to create a successful series of books. I haven't done that. My novel that I'm working on sucks. Even if I'm not able to enjoy her book, there's a lot of people that are, and more power to them.

That being said, these books have their problems, and even though I, at least, didn't enjoy the book the way it was intended, I've still gotten a lot of entertainment out of Tiger's Curse. It's the book that got me into the sporking scene years ago, and working my way through has really made me think about writing in such a different way.

We have a teaser for the second book in the series, too.

Will Kelsey be reunited with her beloved Ren?

Or will she discover a new love?

Will Ren and Kishan be freed from the tiger's curse once and for all?

Their true destiny awaits as the Tiger Saga continues with . . . 

TIGER'S QUEST

Oh boy, I can't wait!

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this spork. It's my first attempt at one, and even though the schedule was irregular, I'd like to thank everyone for reading. I'll be back soon with the second book, and I hope you'll enjoy that too.