Chapter 16: The Ocean Teacher
Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, Kelsey and Kishan had yet another training sequence, and met with the Ocean Teacher. They haven't actually had a conversation with the Ocean Teacher yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
Also, Plot actually happens in this chapter! Nice!
I mean, it's Plot that isn't surprising in any way, since we already know what the Ocean Teacher will do because it's in the prophecy. But he actually does it. Which means that in the very next chapter, Kelsey and Kishan actually do stuff for real! Which means I can stop saying, "I promise that stuff is going to happen soon!"
After this chapter, anyway. This is our last majority-exposition chapter in the book. Joy.
Chapter Sixteen: The Ocean Teacher
Kelsey is just so Shocked that the old monk from before is the Ocean Teacher that Mr. Kadam has to physically guide her to the table to eat breakfast. I'm not exactly sure why she's so shocked, since in this series "old monk" means "wise mentor." See Phet, supra, Book One.
Kishan was already eating, not caring that I had caused a scene. Figures. The tigers only care about two things--food and girls. Usually in that order.
Is "Ren and Kishan eat a lot" funny yet? Huh? Huh?? Laugh, dammit!!!!!
Mr. Kadam sits Kelsey down at the table (seriously, I have no idea why she's so affected by this), and the Ocean Teacher continues to fill up his plate at the buffet. Oh yeah, they're at a buffet, because I don't think I mentioned that before.
He finishes eating breakfast, and starts expositing about his mother. Wait, what--
Finally finished, he carefully wiped his mouth and said, "You know, my favorite memories of my mother are winding the threads for her weaving, assisting her in tending the sheep, and helping her stir the breakfast porridge. I always think of my mother while eating breakfast."
Wow, that sure was random.
Hey, do you want to know the entire backstory of this character who's only in this chapter and never shows up again? No? Too bad!
(At least it's not forty pages long and about a plane this time.)
The Ocean Teacher grew up on a farm, and his mother made cloth to sell at the market. His name was originally Jigme Karpo (which appears to be a combination of names of famous Tibetan figures, making this the equivalent of naming your character Abraham Washington) until he was found by the monks. See, Houck researched the procedure for finding the next Dalai Lama, and just...did the same thing for finding the next Ocean Teacher. Basically, he picked up the old Ocean Teacher's book, which means that he's the reincarnated Ocean Teacher.
"What happened to you then?"
Mr. Kadam interrupted and patted my hand, "I am curious as well, Miss Kelsey, but perhaps he only has a short time to spend with us, and we should focus on other matters."
HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S RICH COMING FROM MR. KADAM
At least he's trying to focus the narrative, finally. I shouldn't be too angry, but the fact that it's only just now that Houck is like, "Oh, we can't waste any more time!" is. Just insane. THEY'VE BEEN FUCKING AROUND AND SIGHTSEEING FOR LITERAL MONTHS AT THIS POINT.
The monk says that he can spare a few minutes to answer Kelsey's question, though. So, despite the fact that the author herself has just admitted that this doesn't matter through one of the characters, we have to read about it anyway. Why? Seriously, why? This doesn't matter at all, and it doesn't even provide characterization for the Ocean Teacher. The story just grinds to a complete halt so we can be exposited at even more.
I hate this book.
He was taken in by the monks and trained in "art, medicine, culture, and philosophy." He asks if that answered Kelsey's question, or if it "generated several more."
I laughed. "It generated several more."
Please...have mercy on me...no more....
"Good!" He smiled. "A mind without questions is open to understanding."
It's also open to wasting my time.
Anyway. The role of the Ocean Teacher is to train the Dalai Lama. Hey, isn't the point of the Dalai Lama that he is the head of the order of monks, and is reincarnated, meaning that he retains all of his knowledge from his previous lives? Meaning that making up a fictional position that exists to be the person that has more knowledge than the guy with the most knowledge is kind of offensive? I think it might be!
Because the Ocean Teacher is firmly within the "Wise Old Mentor" character archetype, we get lots of very Deep and Meaningful statements that...don't really say anything groundbreaking, because that's hard to write.
"Yes. I've trained a couple of them. I'm a very old man, but we are not so dissimilar. I've had the opportunity to meet people from all over the world, and I find that all people are fundamentally alike. We are one human family. Perhaps we have different clothes, our skin is a different color, or we speak various languages, but that is on the surface only. We all have dreams and seek for the things that will bring true happiness. To know all the world, I just need to learn about myself."
Couple things. This is in response to Kelsey's question about if he teaches the Dalai Lamas. It comes out of nowhere and is completely irrelevant to the conversation they're having. Also, that's a whole lot of fluff to say something that's pretty non-controversial, at least to someone with an American perspective (which is the core demographic for the book, remember). It's not that deep.
Kelsey nods, interested in what he's saying, and Mr. Kadam tries to get back on track again. Which is hilarious, because now Mr. Kadam is the only one who cares about keeping the narrative on track. Despite wasting so much of my time before. Anyway, Mr. Kadam reminds him that they're here to accomplish the task set forward in the prophecy. The Ocean Teacher takes them to another room for more privacy, but this is really just to give the Ocean Teacher more time to exposit while they walk to the other room. Ugh.
Anyway. He's trained the last couple of Dalai Lamas, which means that he's 115 years old.
"I am one hundred and fifteen years old and proud of it."
"I have never met someone who lived that long." I quickly realized that I indeed knew three men who had lived that long and looked at Mr. Kadam who smiled and winked at me.
So, is the joke supposed to be that Kelsey is an idiot? Because she's coming off like a complete moron. Seriously, how do you forget something like this, even for a second? You're constantly talking about it!
They get to his private office, finally, and he pulls out a hard wooden chair to sit on. Kelsey asks if he would like a more comfortable chair, which gives us more Deep Wisdom.
"The more uncomfortable my chair is, the more likely I will get up and keep busy doing the things that need doing."
Hey, that's just from Game of Thrones! That's the whole rationale behind the Iron Throne! It's super uncomfortable to remind the king about how his job is to serve the kingdom instead of just trying to stay king! Which is relevant to the narrative because it's about a power struggle to become king! It's just pointless Wise Old Mentor Sayings here!
Anyway. Mr. Kadam thanks the Ocean Teacher for agreeing to meet with them, and the Ocean Teacher says that he's been looking forward to it.
"I must admit, I've been curious to know if the tiger's quest would happen in this lifetime."
WE HAVE A TITLE DROP, EVERYONE!
He also says that he was born near Taktser, which means "roaring tiger." Wow, that's random AND pointless! Good job!
So yeah, turns out he's been expecting them for a while.
"From before the time of the first Dalai Lama, the story of two tigers has been handed down in secret."
Um. But why though? It doesn't really have, uh, anything to do with Tibet, Buddhism, or the Dalai Lama. The princes were turned into tigers because of a secular power struggle through vague Magics that have nothing to do with Buddhism (and also possibly Hinduism, as the only connection there is that the amulet is named after Durga's tiger). Also, how did you find out about it in the first place?? The only people who were there are either dead, evil, or tigers who didn't share the story with anyone except Mr. Kadam.
The Ocean Teacher explains that the answers they gave about the medallion clued him in to the fact that these were the people he was looking for. Um, yeah? And? I kind of figured that out when it, you know, already worked and happened and I read about it.
Kelsey asks if he'll help them (which he's already said he will do, so yay repetitiveness!) and he says he will, provided they fulfill one request first. They say of course, and he asks them to tell him about the tigers. So they do, and we get to read more information that we already know!!!! Houck, you don't have to summarize the plot every couple of chapters!!!! I promise I'm paying attention!!!!!!
Kishan turns into a tiger, and the Ocean Teacher thanks him for sharing "this amazing gift." Curse, what's that? Kishan changes back and says that it's a tragedy, not a gift. We get some more Wisdom from the Ocean Teacher:
"There is a saying in Tibet, "Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength." [sic--yeah, double quotation marks again] The monk sat back in his chair and touched a finger to his temple. "Instead of wondering why this has happened, perhaps you should consider why this has happened to you. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."
You can tell how Wise he is because he uses italics when he talks.
Also, this reminds me an awful lot of another conversation I've seen somewhere...
"I wish it need not happen in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with that time that is given us."
Hmm.
(The scene from the movie is a bit more on the nose, but I can't find the exact quote for some reason. Oops.)
Also, ten people have highlighted the little speech from the Ocean Teacher. If you're curious.
The Ocean Teacher asks what happened to the white tiger, and Kelsey says that he's been kidnapped by "an enemy." Note that it's not "our enemy" or something that would imply that Lokesh has anything to do with the story.
He tilted his head, considering, "One's enemy is often the best teacher of tolerance. [. . .]"
What on earth does that even have to do with anything? Just because he's the Wise Old Mentor, it doesn't mean that he has to continually spout off Deep Wisdom for no reason where it makes no sense.
He asks what Kelsey's role is, and Kelsey burns up a flower on his desk with her lightning power. Hey, normally "using magic to destroy a beautiful living thing" is, like, Bad. But it's the protagonist, so there is no symbolism.
The Ocean Teacher is happy to see Kelsey destroy his house plant (?) and uses his medallion to open up a cabinet. Inside, there's a scroll and a jar of goo. He says that the scroll has been passed down for centuries, and that it has some instructions for him. Mr. Kadam shows him the translation of the prophecy, and it's essentially the same thing.
"I am to unfold the scrolls of wisdom, anoint your eyes, and lead you to the spirit gates."
Hey, Houck?
WE KNOW ALREADY.
This is like the third time we've heard this piece of information, and you're still treating it like it's new information.
Anyway, the scroll contains the secrets of the world. Kelsey asks if the Ocean Teacher has read it, and he says that he hasn't because they're meant for Kelsey & Co.
Mr. Kadam bent to examine the scroll in the glass. "Amazing! I yearn to examine this."
BEEP BOOP I TALK LIKE HOO-MAN
Anyway, they're not supposed to look at it until the fifth sacrifice is complete, which means they have to complete the three remaining prophecies and figure out what the last one is before the scroll will become relevant again. If they open it early, it's possible that some sort of undefined "catastrophe" will happen, and that's all the information we get.
The Ocean Teacher calls Kelsey over to anoint her eyes with the goo. He also asks Mr. Kadam if he's heard of the Chewong people, and Mr. Kadam says he hasn't, which surprises Kelsey. Instead of showing this surprise like a normal person, Kelsey "snigger[s] softly" because Kelsey is mean.
Just so you can see the kind of wonderful writing you're missing:
"The Chewong are from Malaysia . . . fascinating people. There is tremendous pressure on them now to convert to Islam and mainstream into Malaysian society; however, there are several who fight for their rights to keep their language and culture. They are a peaceful people, nonviolent. In fact, they have no words for warfare, corruption, conflict, or punishment in their language. They have many interesting beliefs. One noteworthy ideal relates to communal property. They feel it's dangerous and wrong to eat alone, so they always share their meals with each other. But, the belief that applies to you concerns the eyes."
Christmas. Literally everything except for the last sentence is completely useless information. I guess Houck wants to show off that she did research? From what I can tell, a lot of this is true, as the the Chewong are a very peaceful society, but I haven't been able to find anything about the words in their language. The real question is, what the hell does this have to do with anything? I understand being influenced by certain culture for your fantasy novel (I do the same thing), but that doesn't mean you need to spout off every single factoid about a culture if you're inspired by it.
I licked my lips nervously. "Umm, what exactly do they do to the eyes? Serve them for supper?"
Wow, Kelsey's an idiot. The Ocean Teacher literally just said that he was going to anoint their eyes. She's clearly not paying attention at all. Rude.
(Also, maybe this is a regional thing, but I know exactly zero people who use the word "supper" anymore.)
No, the Chewong believe that shamans have something called "cool eyes," which can see things hidden from ordinary view. A normal person with "hot eyes" can't see these things. This seems to be true. But it would be more effective if the conversation was just about the eye thing, as opposed to starting off with a massive info dump that doesn't actually mean anything.
Kelsey stops speaking like a human again:
"Uh, I have to warn you, I have an eye phobia. My parents had to hold me down to get drops in my eye when I had pinkeye as a child."
I mean, I'm also bad at dialogue, but I also haven't published a novel for everyone to read.
Nah, the goo is for her eyelids. It feels cold when the Ocean Teacher rubs it on. He also puts some goo on Kishan's eyelids. Sucks to be Mr. Kadam, I guess, because he doesn't get any.
Throughout all of this, the Ocean Teacher spouts trite fortune cookie sayings at the two of them, and it goes on for like a whole page. I wouldn't have a problem with this if what he says actually comes back later--for example, Kelsey could use some of the cryptic advice she receives to solve a problem or, you know, grow as a character. But none of that happens, and it's just used to show how Wise and Deep the Ocean Teacher is, even though you can read most of his dialogue on the side of a coffee mug. It's stuff like "be happy," "love conquers all," "don't lose hope." You know. Boring stuff.
He gives the scroll to Mr. Kadam, who thanks him. I'll be honest, I completely forgot this scroll existed until now, because it is not mentioned again in the next book (from what I remember, anyway).
The Ocean Teacher says that now he'll show them the way to the Spirit Gate/entrance to Shangri-la.
"Do not touch the gate until you are ready to enter, for that is forbidden."
Uh, by who? And why? Oh, you don't have an answer and you're just trying to manufacture stakes so the story has any semblance of conflict? Sounds about right.
Anyway, the monks know the locations of Spirit Gates in China and Japan, with one secret one in Tibet. Why only these places, when Mr. Kadam kept talking about Greece and the Aztecs in connection with the navel stones? Don't worry about it, that would be expecting consistency.
And we can't have that.
Anyway, the Ocean Teacher gets a map and points out the exact location of the Gate, because having our protagonists struggle to succeed is boring. Turns out the Gate is back up on Mount Everest--not the peak, but a bit above the snow line. The book doesn't tell us where that is, exactly, but that's at least 5500m in elevation (out of the total 8848m) in 2018, depending on which part of the mountain you're looking at. Uh, that's still pretty high up there, and I'm not sure how physically fit Kelsey is to be able to do that. Yeah, she's been sparring, but that doesn't translate to mountaineering.
Kelsey wonders how she could possibly do it, but resolves to do it for Ren. Oh, hey, I guess she finally remembered Ren exists.
The Ocean Teacher says that they need to have faith in order to find it.
"Kelsey, are you alright?" [This is Kishan speaking, by the way.]
"Yes. I'm just a little scared about the trip."
"Me, too. But remember, he said it requires faith."
"Do you have faith?"
See, the thing about faith is that it requires having faith in something. What does this faith refer to? The Gate being there? The quest succeeding? Durga? Each other? Whatever's going on with the whole warp/weft nonsense?
Like, I guess it sounds cool, but it's ultimately completely meaningless.
Kishan asks if Kelsey has faith, and she says that she has hope, which is probably good enough. The Drama.
They head back to their quarters and pack their bags. Mr. Kadam tells them to take the Golden Fruit to make food along the way, which is honestly a pretty good plan. Although isn't the Golden Fruit supposed to be used to feed the people of India, instead of just make snacks for our protagonists? Don't worry about it. Mr. Kadam exposits that he's tested the limits of the Golden Fruit off-screen, and that it has a 100-foot range and can make basically anything except for water. This includes hot tea and sugar-free drinks, which are, uh, mostly water.
Kelsey's carrying a sleeping bag, the Golden Fruit wrapped in her quilt, Fanindra, and warm clothes for Kishan, since changing back and forth between tiger and human poofs any clothes he's wearing into the ether.
Mr. Kadam takes them to the base of the mountain and lets Kelsey know that all of his notes are in her bag, because making the protagonist figure things out on her own is boring. Anyway, Kelsey and Kishan set off.
FINALLY. At the 54% mark. UGH.
Kishan changed into a black tiger, and we started up the mountain.
Oh, Kishan changes into a black tiger? I had no idea, you should have mentioned it before. Seriously, why is this written like this is new information? You can definitely highlight this fact through, you know, good description so it isn't boring and repetitive. Maybe talk about how he stands out against all the white snow or something.
Kelsey waves to Mr. Kadam, who's set up a camp at the base, and they start to climb up Mount Everest. And, just when things start happening, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
Hey, we're finally trying to break the curse! Over halfway through, but we've finally made it past the interminable exposition sections! We're gonna have the opposite problem from here on out, though--an entire book's worth of action is condensed down to half a book. Things get...weird, from here on out.
Next time, Chapter Seventeen: Spirit Gate! Kelsey almost dies. Hey, I thought the Matt Damon Amulet was supposed to protect the wearer from harm!
Last time, Kelsey and Kishan had yet another training sequence, and met with the Ocean Teacher. They haven't actually had a conversation with the Ocean Teacher yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
Also, Plot actually happens in this chapter! Nice!
I mean, it's Plot that isn't surprising in any way, since we already know what the Ocean Teacher will do because it's in the prophecy. But he actually does it. Which means that in the very next chapter, Kelsey and Kishan actually do stuff for real! Which means I can stop saying, "I promise that stuff is going to happen soon!"
After this chapter, anyway. This is our last majority-exposition chapter in the book. Joy.
Chapter Sixteen: The Ocean Teacher
Kelsey is just so Shocked that the old monk from before is the Ocean Teacher that Mr. Kadam has to physically guide her to the table to eat breakfast. I'm not exactly sure why she's so shocked, since in this series "old monk" means "wise mentor." See Phet, supra, Book One.
Kishan was already eating, not caring that I had caused a scene. Figures. The tigers only care about two things--food and girls. Usually in that order.
Is "Ren and Kishan eat a lot" funny yet? Huh? Huh?? Laugh, dammit!!!!!
Mr. Kadam sits Kelsey down at the table (seriously, I have no idea why she's so affected by this), and the Ocean Teacher continues to fill up his plate at the buffet. Oh yeah, they're at a buffet, because I don't think I mentioned that before.
He finishes eating breakfast, and starts expositing about his mother. Wait, what--
Finally finished, he carefully wiped his mouth and said, "You know, my favorite memories of my mother are winding the threads for her weaving, assisting her in tending the sheep, and helping her stir the breakfast porridge. I always think of my mother while eating breakfast."
Wow, that sure was random.
Hey, do you want to know the entire backstory of this character who's only in this chapter and never shows up again? No? Too bad!
(At least it's not forty pages long and about a plane this time.)
The Ocean Teacher grew up on a farm, and his mother made cloth to sell at the market. His name was originally Jigme Karpo (which appears to be a combination of names of famous Tibetan figures, making this the equivalent of naming your character Abraham Washington) until he was found by the monks. See, Houck researched the procedure for finding the next Dalai Lama, and just...did the same thing for finding the next Ocean Teacher. Basically, he picked up the old Ocean Teacher's book, which means that he's the reincarnated Ocean Teacher.
"What happened to you then?"
Mr. Kadam interrupted and patted my hand, "I am curious as well, Miss Kelsey, but perhaps he only has a short time to spend with us, and we should focus on other matters."
HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S RICH COMING FROM MR. KADAM
At least he's trying to focus the narrative, finally. I shouldn't be too angry, but the fact that it's only just now that Houck is like, "Oh, we can't waste any more time!" is. Just insane. THEY'VE BEEN FUCKING AROUND AND SIGHTSEEING FOR LITERAL MONTHS AT THIS POINT.
The monk says that he can spare a few minutes to answer Kelsey's question, though. So, despite the fact that the author herself has just admitted that this doesn't matter through one of the characters, we have to read about it anyway. Why? Seriously, why? This doesn't matter at all, and it doesn't even provide characterization for the Ocean Teacher. The story just grinds to a complete halt so we can be exposited at even more.
I hate this book.
He was taken in by the monks and trained in "art, medicine, culture, and philosophy." He asks if that answered Kelsey's question, or if it "generated several more."
I laughed. "It generated several more."
Please...have mercy on me...no more....
"Good!" He smiled. "A mind without questions is open to understanding."
It's also open to wasting my time.
Anyway. The role of the Ocean Teacher is to train the Dalai Lama. Hey, isn't the point of the Dalai Lama that he is the head of the order of monks, and is reincarnated, meaning that he retains all of his knowledge from his previous lives? Meaning that making up a fictional position that exists to be the person that has more knowledge than the guy with the most knowledge is kind of offensive? I think it might be!
Because the Ocean Teacher is firmly within the "Wise Old Mentor" character archetype, we get lots of very Deep and Meaningful statements that...don't really say anything groundbreaking, because that's hard to write.
"Yes. I've trained a couple of them. I'm a very old man, but we are not so dissimilar. I've had the opportunity to meet people from all over the world, and I find that all people are fundamentally alike. We are one human family. Perhaps we have different clothes, our skin is a different color, or we speak various languages, but that is on the surface only. We all have dreams and seek for the things that will bring true happiness. To know all the world, I just need to learn about myself."
Couple things. This is in response to Kelsey's question about if he teaches the Dalai Lamas. It comes out of nowhere and is completely irrelevant to the conversation they're having. Also, that's a whole lot of fluff to say something that's pretty non-controversial, at least to someone with an American perspective (which is the core demographic for the book, remember). It's not that deep.
Kelsey nods, interested in what he's saying, and Mr. Kadam tries to get back on track again. Which is hilarious, because now Mr. Kadam is the only one who cares about keeping the narrative on track. Despite wasting so much of my time before. Anyway, Mr. Kadam reminds him that they're here to accomplish the task set forward in the prophecy. The Ocean Teacher takes them to another room for more privacy, but this is really just to give the Ocean Teacher more time to exposit while they walk to the other room. Ugh.
Anyway. He's trained the last couple of Dalai Lamas, which means that he's 115 years old.
"I am one hundred and fifteen years old and proud of it."
"I have never met someone who lived that long." I quickly realized that I indeed knew three men who had lived that long and looked at Mr. Kadam who smiled and winked at me.
So, is the joke supposed to be that Kelsey is an idiot? Because she's coming off like a complete moron. Seriously, how do you forget something like this, even for a second? You're constantly talking about it!
They get to his private office, finally, and he pulls out a hard wooden chair to sit on. Kelsey asks if he would like a more comfortable chair, which gives us more Deep Wisdom.
"The more uncomfortable my chair is, the more likely I will get up and keep busy doing the things that need doing."
Hey, that's just from Game of Thrones! That's the whole rationale behind the Iron Throne! It's super uncomfortable to remind the king about how his job is to serve the kingdom instead of just trying to stay king! Which is relevant to the narrative because it's about a power struggle to become king! It's just pointless Wise Old Mentor Sayings here!
Anyway. Mr. Kadam thanks the Ocean Teacher for agreeing to meet with them, and the Ocean Teacher says that he's been looking forward to it.
"I must admit, I've been curious to know if the tiger's quest would happen in this lifetime."
WE HAVE A TITLE DROP, EVERYONE!
WOOOOO!!!
So yeah, turns out he's been expecting them for a while.
"From before the time of the first Dalai Lama, the story of two tigers has been handed down in secret."
Um. But why though? It doesn't really have, uh, anything to do with Tibet, Buddhism, or the Dalai Lama. The princes were turned into tigers because of a secular power struggle through vague Magics that have nothing to do with Buddhism (and also possibly Hinduism, as the only connection there is that the amulet is named after Durga's tiger). Also, how did you find out about it in the first place?? The only people who were there are either dead, evil, or tigers who didn't share the story with anyone except Mr. Kadam.
The Ocean Teacher explains that the answers they gave about the medallion clued him in to the fact that these were the people he was looking for. Um, yeah? And? I kind of figured that out when it, you know, already worked and happened and I read about it.
Kelsey asks if he'll help them (which he's already said he will do, so yay repetitiveness!) and he says he will, provided they fulfill one request first. They say of course, and he asks them to tell him about the tigers. So they do, and we get to read more information that we already know!!!! Houck, you don't have to summarize the plot every couple of chapters!!!! I promise I'm paying attention!!!!!!
Kishan turns into a tiger, and the Ocean Teacher thanks him for sharing "this amazing gift." Curse, what's that? Kishan changes back and says that it's a tragedy, not a gift. We get some more Wisdom from the Ocean Teacher:
"There is a saying in Tibet, "Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength." [sic--yeah, double quotation marks again] The monk sat back in his chair and touched a finger to his temple. "Instead of wondering why this has happened, perhaps you should consider why this has happened to you. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."
You can tell how Wise he is because he uses italics when he talks.
Also, this reminds me an awful lot of another conversation I've seen somewhere...
"I wish it need not happen in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with that time that is given us."
Hmm.
(The scene from the movie is a bit more on the nose, but I can't find the exact quote for some reason. Oops.)
Also, ten people have highlighted the little speech from the Ocean Teacher. If you're curious.
The Ocean Teacher asks what happened to the white tiger, and Kelsey says that he's been kidnapped by "an enemy." Note that it's not "our enemy" or something that would imply that Lokesh has anything to do with the story.
He tilted his head, considering, "One's enemy is often the best teacher of tolerance. [. . .]"
What on earth does that even have to do with anything? Just because he's the Wise Old Mentor, it doesn't mean that he has to continually spout off Deep Wisdom for no reason where it makes no sense.
He asks what Kelsey's role is, and Kelsey burns up a flower on his desk with her lightning power. Hey, normally "using magic to destroy a beautiful living thing" is, like, Bad. But it's the protagonist, so there is no symbolism.
The Ocean Teacher is happy to see Kelsey destroy his house plant (?) and uses his medallion to open up a cabinet. Inside, there's a scroll and a jar of goo. He says that the scroll has been passed down for centuries, and that it has some instructions for him. Mr. Kadam shows him the translation of the prophecy, and it's essentially the same thing.
"I am to unfold the scrolls of wisdom, anoint your eyes, and lead you to the spirit gates."
Hey, Houck?
WE KNOW ALREADY.
This is like the third time we've heard this piece of information, and you're still treating it like it's new information.
Anyway, the scroll contains the secrets of the world. Kelsey asks if the Ocean Teacher has read it, and he says that he hasn't because they're meant for Kelsey & Co.
Mr. Kadam bent to examine the scroll in the glass. "Amazing! I yearn to examine this."
BEEP BOOP I TALK LIKE HOO-MAN
Anyway, they're not supposed to look at it until the fifth sacrifice is complete, which means they have to complete the three remaining prophecies and figure out what the last one is before the scroll will become relevant again. If they open it early, it's possible that some sort of undefined "catastrophe" will happen, and that's all the information we get.
The Ocean Teacher calls Kelsey over to anoint her eyes with the goo. He also asks Mr. Kadam if he's heard of the Chewong people, and Mr. Kadam says he hasn't, which surprises Kelsey. Instead of showing this surprise like a normal person, Kelsey "snigger[s] softly" because Kelsey is mean.
Just so you can see the kind of wonderful writing you're missing:
"The Chewong are from Malaysia . . . fascinating people. There is tremendous pressure on them now to convert to Islam and mainstream into Malaysian society; however, there are several who fight for their rights to keep their language and culture. They are a peaceful people, nonviolent. In fact, they have no words for warfare, corruption, conflict, or punishment in their language. They have many interesting beliefs. One noteworthy ideal relates to communal property. They feel it's dangerous and wrong to eat alone, so they always share their meals with each other. But, the belief that applies to you concerns the eyes."
Christmas. Literally everything except for the last sentence is completely useless information. I guess Houck wants to show off that she did research? From what I can tell, a lot of this is true, as the the Chewong are a very peaceful society, but I haven't been able to find anything about the words in their language. The real question is, what the hell does this have to do with anything? I understand being influenced by certain culture for your fantasy novel (I do the same thing), but that doesn't mean you need to spout off every single factoid about a culture if you're inspired by it.
I licked my lips nervously. "Umm, what exactly do they do to the eyes? Serve them for supper?"
Wow, Kelsey's an idiot. The Ocean Teacher literally just said that he was going to anoint their eyes. She's clearly not paying attention at all. Rude.
(Also, maybe this is a regional thing, but I know exactly zero people who use the word "supper" anymore.)
No, the Chewong believe that shamans have something called "cool eyes," which can see things hidden from ordinary view. A normal person with "hot eyes" can't see these things. This seems to be true. But it would be more effective if the conversation was just about the eye thing, as opposed to starting off with a massive info dump that doesn't actually mean anything.
Kelsey stops speaking like a human again:
"Uh, I have to warn you, I have an eye phobia. My parents had to hold me down to get drops in my eye when I had pinkeye as a child."
I mean, I'm also bad at dialogue, but I also haven't published a novel for everyone to read.
Nah, the goo is for her eyelids. It feels cold when the Ocean Teacher rubs it on. He also puts some goo on Kishan's eyelids. Sucks to be Mr. Kadam, I guess, because he doesn't get any.
Throughout all of this, the Ocean Teacher spouts trite fortune cookie sayings at the two of them, and it goes on for like a whole page. I wouldn't have a problem with this if what he says actually comes back later--for example, Kelsey could use some of the cryptic advice she receives to solve a problem or, you know, grow as a character. But none of that happens, and it's just used to show how Wise and Deep the Ocean Teacher is, even though you can read most of his dialogue on the side of a coffee mug. It's stuff like "be happy," "love conquers all," "don't lose hope." You know. Boring stuff.
He gives the scroll to Mr. Kadam, who thanks him. I'll be honest, I completely forgot this scroll existed until now, because it is not mentioned again in the next book (from what I remember, anyway).
The Ocean Teacher says that now he'll show them the way to the Spirit Gate/entrance to Shangri-la.
"Do not touch the gate until you are ready to enter, for that is forbidden."
Uh, by who? And why? Oh, you don't have an answer and you're just trying to manufacture stakes so the story has any semblance of conflict? Sounds about right.
Anyway, the monks know the locations of Spirit Gates in China and Japan, with one secret one in Tibet. Why only these places, when Mr. Kadam kept talking about Greece and the Aztecs in connection with the navel stones? Don't worry about it, that would be expecting consistency.
And we can't have that.
Anyway, the Ocean Teacher gets a map and points out the exact location of the Gate, because having our protagonists struggle to succeed is boring. Turns out the Gate is back up on Mount Everest--not the peak, but a bit above the snow line. The book doesn't tell us where that is, exactly, but that's at least 5500m in elevation (out of the total 8848m) in 2018, depending on which part of the mountain you're looking at. Uh, that's still pretty high up there, and I'm not sure how physically fit Kelsey is to be able to do that. Yeah, she's been sparring, but that doesn't translate to mountaineering.
Kelsey wonders how she could possibly do it, but resolves to do it for Ren. Oh, hey, I guess she finally remembered Ren exists.
The Ocean Teacher says that they need to have faith in order to find it.
"Kelsey, are you alright?" [This is Kishan speaking, by the way.]
"Yes. I'm just a little scared about the trip."
"Me, too. But remember, he said it requires faith."
"Do you have faith?"
See, the thing about faith is that it requires having faith in something. What does this faith refer to? The Gate being there? The quest succeeding? Durga? Each other? Whatever's going on with the whole warp/weft nonsense?
Like, I guess it sounds cool, but it's ultimately completely meaningless.
Kishan asks if Kelsey has faith, and she says that she has hope, which is probably good enough. The Drama.
They head back to their quarters and pack their bags. Mr. Kadam tells them to take the Golden Fruit to make food along the way, which is honestly a pretty good plan. Although isn't the Golden Fruit supposed to be used to feed the people of India, instead of just make snacks for our protagonists? Don't worry about it. Mr. Kadam exposits that he's tested the limits of the Golden Fruit off-screen, and that it has a 100-foot range and can make basically anything except for water. This includes hot tea and sugar-free drinks, which are, uh, mostly water.
Kelsey's carrying a sleeping bag, the Golden Fruit wrapped in her quilt, Fanindra, and warm clothes for Kishan, since changing back and forth between tiger and human poofs any clothes he's wearing into the ether.
Mr. Kadam takes them to the base of the mountain and lets Kelsey know that all of his notes are in her bag, because making the protagonist figure things out on her own is boring. Anyway, Kelsey and Kishan set off.
FINALLY. At the 54% mark. UGH.
Kishan changed into a black tiger, and we started up the mountain.
Oh, Kishan changes into a black tiger? I had no idea, you should have mentioned it before. Seriously, why is this written like this is new information? You can definitely highlight this fact through, you know, good description so it isn't boring and repetitive. Maybe talk about how he stands out against all the white snow or something.
Kelsey waves to Mr. Kadam, who's set up a camp at the base, and they start to climb up Mount Everest. And, just when things start happening, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
Hey, we're finally trying to break the curse! Over halfway through, but we've finally made it past the interminable exposition sections! We're gonna have the opposite problem from here on out, though--an entire book's worth of action is condensed down to half a book. Things get...weird, from here on out.
Next time, Chapter Seventeen: Spirit Gate! Kelsey almost dies. Hey, I thought the Matt Damon Amulet was supposed to protect the wearer from harm!
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