Chapter 18: Good Things
Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, we got to experience one of the rare good chapters. Well, not good per se, but it was at least competent. Well, the last few pages were competent.
That changes this time around. This chapter broke me the first time I read it.
Before I start, I just want to give you a quick reminder of the worldbuilding mythology we've seen so far. The reason why will become very clear very soon.
The reason I picked this series up in the first place is because it was based on Hindu mythology, which I was passingly familiar with and wanted to learn more about, in a similar vein to the Percy Jackson series for Greek mythology and Runemarks for Norse mythology (which you should definitely check out if you want a YA book with fun characterization for Loki). Tiger's Curse is a little confused about what exactly "Hindu mythology" entails, so it ends up being a bit of a mish-mash of Hinduism, other Indian religions that remain unnamed but mostly come from Vedic texts, and Buddhism. I'm totally fine with this, because they are regionally similar and there is a fair amount of cultural crossover between them (similar to how Judeo-Christian beliefs and Islam are all Abrahamic religions). At least, that's how it looks to me, an American who has absolutely no background in religious studies.
In the first book, everything was pretty rooted in Hinduism and Buddhism. Kelsey literally meets the goddess Durga inside of a Buddhist temple, and although we never actually get to see Hanuman, they go to his realm and fight a bunch of supernatural monkeys. The Golden Fruit isn't actually from a real myth, but it feels consistent with Houck's portrayal of Hinduism, if not the actual religion itself. The only thing that doesn't actually get an explained origin is Lokesh's magic/the tiger's curse itself, since we're never actually sure if the curse comes from the amulets or from some other source of magic at Lokesh's disposal. But that's not the fault of the underlying mythology, and like the Golden Fruit, it feels consistent with the universe we've seen so far.
In the second book, Houck broadens the scope a bit when we go to Tibet, so we get to hear about Taoism (with the yin/yang symbol) and the spirit gates that supposedly come from Japan. While this is a bit dumber, considering we got absolutely no sense that anything other than Hinduism and Buddhism existed (especially when Buddhism is also very common in Tibet), I also understand that this was a way to bring in some other source material for when Kelsey goes to China. It makes sense geographically is what I'm saying, I guess.
Mr. Kadam likes to bring up stories from other cultures all the time (he's done it since the first book), and it's always seemed like he was just lecturing about mythology because he likes to talk. None of his other comparisons actually come up in the story, so it's easy to believe that, in-universe, these myths descend from the actual supernatural things we've seen so far. So, like, the story of the Garden of Eden could easily have come from the Golden Fruit, for example. So when Mr. Kadam starts talking about the Oracle of Delphi and the Aztecs, it doesn't stand out too much, you know? I certainly didn't notice it the first time I read through the book.
Ha.
Chapter Eighteen: Good Things
Kelsey wakes up, and Kishan tells her that she heals about as fast as him in here, and her legs are "pink and healthy". So, uh, there goes any fear of danger, I guess, since as long as she doesn't immediately die she'll be fine.
I had been sort of counting on Kishan's amulet to fix me, but it wasn't working like Mr. Kadam had said. Maybe Kishan's piece did something different. I'd gotten lucky.
Hey, this is what editing is for! I think Houck realized that giving Kelsey the Matt Damon Amulet killed a lot of the tension in the action scenes, and was stuck with Kelsey having it in the second book because thinking ahead in the series is completely impossible. So instead of coming up with an excuse for why Kelsey wouldn't be wearing the Amulet, she just went, "Huh, it doesn't work the way we thought, weird!" Hey, here's a couple of ideas that I came up with in about five minutes for not having Kelsey wear the Amulet:
- It's not safe to run around doing quests with the amulet on because Lokesh is after her, so she leaves it with Mr. Kadam.
- It's impossible to go through the spirit gate while wearing the Amulet.
- The whole point of the quest is to show that you "have faith," so entering the spirit gate while wearing a magical item for protection means you'd fail the quest.
These still have problems, but it's better than saying "Lol you know that thing I, the author, said? Ignore it."
They make some pancakes with the Golden Fruit, blissfully unaware of the stupidity I just witnessed.
Like Ren in Kishkindha, Kishan is able to stay human as long as he wants, because Magic. Kelsey looks at the notes prepared by Mr. Kadam, and says that their first task is to find the omphalos stone/navel stone/"stone of prophecy" (ouch) so it can point them to the tree they're looking for. She says it looks like a football, and Kishan asks what a football looks like. Comedy?
(Also, Kishan's been living in human society for a while, and lived in America for several months. During football season. He's lying if he says he's never seen a football.)
Anyway. Kelsey wants to head out as soon as possible, because finding the MacGuffin as soon as possible means finding Ren as soon as possible. They change out of their snow gear since it's pretty warm. Kishan is still wearing black, because he's a Bad Boy, which gives us this baffling exchange:
"Don't you get sick of black?"
He shrugged. "It just feels right."
"Hmm."
I legitimately have no idea what idea this is supposed to convey. Is it a joke? Is it supposed to by Symbolic of the fact that he's Dark and Tortured? I honestly have no clue.
Kelsey's legs are completely healed, and there's no scar from the bear attack. Can't have ouw pwotagonist suffew in any way. Scars are icky.
Kelsey takes a bath in some rose tea, because the Golden Fruit can't make water, remember. This is actually alright, because it's using the limitations of the Golden Fruit in an interesting way that isn't "let's eat pancakes," and it's kind of whimsical. I immediately deduct points, however, because the Golden Fruit can't make water. Tea is just hot leaves in water.
Kishan comes back from scouting and says he found a creek with a game trail, so they head off. It's very beautiful, and when Kelsey seems some narcissus growing near the water, she tells him about the Greek myth of Narcissus. We don't get to hear it, so this is pointless. There are animals everywhere, and they're super friendly. A cardinal lands on Kelsey's finger, a hawk lands on Kishan's arm (ouch), and Kelsey pets a fox's head. And then, uh...
In the afternoon, we emerged from the forest to find horses grazing in a meadow full of wildflowers. I plucked stems to make a bouquet as we walked. The horses trotted over to investigate.
Kishan fed them apples from a nearby tree while I braided flowers in the mane of a beautiful white mare.
What the actual fuck am I reading? She just said a couple pages ago that she's paying attention to the ticking clock now and wants to save Ren as soon as possible! But she still has time to play My Little Pony with some horses? Why??
They make camp for the night, planning to explore a weird structure in the distance in the morning, and Kelsey tells Kishan that it feels like the Garden of Eden.
"Ah, but if I recall, there was a snake in the garden."
Hey, so Kishan doesn't know what football is, but knows all about the book of Genesis and Judeo-Christian mythology?
Kelsey points out Fanindra and says that there's one now. Ha ha? So is she calling Fanindra, like, Satan? Is that the joke?
But, oh no, there's two of them but only one sleeping bag!! Wait, didn't we already have this scene? Anyway, Kishan says it's different now that he's a man the whole time and he'd feel weird sharing a sleeping bag with her. Because he won't be able to keep himself from "hold[ing]" her while they sleep, and all men are just completely horny all the time. They settle in on opposite sides of the fire, and he asks Kelsey to tell him another Greek myth before they go to bed. Don't worry, we get to hear this one in excruciating detail.
Basically, it boils down to something really boring. There was a beautiful woman named Chloris who had a garden but was lonely, until one day a man came to the garden, and he was really hot. He also thinks that she is hot, introduces himself as Zephyrus, the west wind, and they fall in love. He says he'll come back in the spring, which he does, and then they get married and have a kid. Yeah, this whole myth can be summed up by saying "two people fell in love and got married."
Now, this doesn't really sound like a Greek myth to me, mostly because it doesn't have nearly enough kidnapping or non-consensual sex in it. Greek myths are just Like That. More importantly, there isn't any conflict in it? Greek myths are full of disagreements between gods and mortals, gods and gods, and just about everybody.
So I looked it up! And, shocker, this isn't what happens at all! Chloris is actually abducted by Zephyrus, because of course she is. Gotta include rape in everything, you nasty ancient Greeks. Also, Chloris is thought to be the one who transformed Narcissus (and others) into flowers in some versions of the myths, so that's cool, I guess. Not that this is mentioned at all.
Somehow, Kelsey manages to stretch a story you can sum up in less than one sentence into like two whole pages. It's full of weird phrasing, I guess because Kelsey is trying to make it sound Mythical. It's annoying to read:
Her long blonde hair smelled like roses and was always adorned with a halo of flowers. Her skin was as soft as flower petals. Her lips were puckered and pink like peonies, and her cheeks--soft blushing orchids.
And:
He immediately fell in love with her and dropped to his knees before her. She beseeched him to stand. He did, and the warm wind shuffled [shuffled??] his cloak, lifted it, and enfolded both of them in its purple billows.
The whole thing is so purple we've gone into ultraviolet.
Kishan conks out about halfway through, and I don't blame him one bit. It was a bad story.
Scene break! The next morning, there's a bunch of giraffes around them! Wokka wokka! Yeah, it's treated like a joke, but again it's 1) not funny and 2) there is absolutely no punchline. There's some gorillas around too, for Reasons. They don't act scared of the two humans, and the gorillas allow Kishan to approach one of the babies. Weird!
Kelsey and Kishan wander over to the big structure they noticed the night before. It's a big wooden thing, and as they get closer, Kelsey realizes it looks like a boat. Uhh, no, we're not actually--
"I don't think so, Kells. It's too big to be a boat."
"It is, Kishan. I think it's the ark!"
"The what?"
"The ark--as in Noah's ark. Remember when Mr. Kadam talked about all those flood myths? Well, if this really is the mountain where Noah landed, then that must be what's left of his boat! Come on!"
HAHAHAHAHA WHAAAAT
I just...I'm beyond words. This is so fucking stupid. Let's see if I can break this down.
1) This story just turned into an "all myths are true" universe. "All myths are true" universes aren't inherently bad, but you have to actually do the legwork and show a variety of mythologies and folklore from the beginning, or at least explain why you're only focusing on one.
Percy Jackson does this by making the Greek gods avatars of Western culture, while explicitly stating that it's staying away from "metaphysical" religion and stuff. Dresden Files includes all sorts of different monsters and characters from different cultural backgrounds, so we can reasonably assume that different cultures' supernatural entities accompany people like Listens to Wind and Ancient Mai. This is literally what American Gods is about--showing how other cultures' gods have changed and evolved in America. The Mortal Instruments fails to do this by explicitly saying "all myths are true" and then only using vampires and werewolves.
You can't just do this with no effort to show it beforehand. I don't even know how to explain why this is a terrible idea other than just saying "my brain hurts."
2) Noah's ark supposedly landed on the top of Mount Everest, so why is it here inside Shangri-la? We know next to nothing about the spirit gates (because coming up with a consistent explanation for magic and worldbuilding is really hard, guys), but they presumably came about after the whole business with the flood, right? Since, you know, everyone died? With the exception of the five hundred different versions of the flood myth that Houck threw at us, I guess. But the spirit gate isn't even at the top of the mountain, which is where the ark was supposed to be. This makes absolutely no sense.
3) In the Bible, Noah used regular wood to build the ark. It would have rotted away by now. And the spirit gate isn't an excuse for why it's still here, because it's described as old, rotting, and falling apart, which means it's been decaying inside of Shangri-la. If it is preserved here, and was brought in later, who took it here? And why? And how?
4) The fact that Noah's freaking ark is here is irrefutable evidence that Judeo-Christian beliefs are also objectively true. Kelsey does not react to this in any way, despite being (I'm assuming) raised Christian, given some of her comments from the last book. Houck didn't think farther than "lol boat," which means the characters don't behave like actual characters. (Also, ignore the fact that Noah didn't land on Mount Everest in Judeo-Christian mythology, so the fact that it's here is just made up for this book.)
5) What the fuck?
This actually broke my brain the first time I read this. It's currently breaking my brain. My brain is soup.
It gets worse!
They explore for a bit, and Kelsey takes some pictures for Mr. Kadam. When they leave, Kelsey thinks she has something smart to say.
Later, as we left the wooden relic, I said, "Kishan . . . I have a theory. I think that Noah's ark did land here and the animals we've seen are descendants from those original animals. Maybe that's why they act differently. They haven't lived anywhere else but here."
EXCEPT THE ENTIRE POINT OF NOAH'S ARK IS THAT THE ANIMALS ON THE BOAT ARE THE ANCESTORS OF THE ANIMALS IN THE REAL WORLD BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE DIED IN THE FLOOD. IF THIS WAS THE CASE, THERE WOULD BE NO ANIMALS LEFT IN THE REAL WORLD, BECAUSE YOU JUST ESTABLISHED THAT THE ARK WAS A THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED.
Remember. This book has fans.
Kishan says that this is stupid, but not for the reasons I said. Nah, he makes it about...being horny.
"Just because an animal lives in paradise doesn't mean that it doesn't have any instincts. Instincts are very powerful. The instinct to protect your territory, to hunt for food, and to . . ." he looked at me pointedly, "find a mate can be overwhelming."
I'm ignoring the fact that the dialogue tag makes no sense, and calling Kishan out. She's not into you, dude. Stop.
Anyway, Kelsey said that food is plentiful, which means territory isn't an issue, and it doesn't look like there's ever a scarcity because she's seen flowers that bloom in different seasons all growing together. They say that they haven't seen any predators yet. This is a complete lie, because in the first scene here they hung out with a falcon and a fox, both of which are predators. God, this book is so bad.
Later, they see their "first" predators, which again, is simply not true given what happened earlier in this chapter. Editing, what's that??? Anyway, it's a bunch of lions. Kishan goes to check it out, and says that they're hanging out with a bunch of antelopes and eating apples instead of meat.
"Ah ha! [note: this is maybe the weirdest way I've seen "aha" written out] So my theory was correct. This really is like the Garden of Eden. The animals don't hunt."
Yeah, because when I think "story about Hindu mythology" and "Shangri-la," my next thought is obviously "Garden of Eden." Ugh.
Also, this isn't the Garden of Eden so this makes no sense! If we go along with the idiotic "these animals are the descendants of the ones in Noah's ark" theory, they would still, you know, hunt! Noah's ark happened way after the Garden of Eden stuff, so they'd still behave like normal animals! Stupid!
They run into other groups of carnivores--including tigers and bears, which means I can say "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" Some wolves come up for scritches. Kelsey says that she wishes Ren could see this place, which makes Kishan sad.
Later, they end up in a forest with a bunch of daffodils. They hear some flute music coming from somewhere, which is the first sign of sentient life they've seen. Oh, boy, what horrors await us with this nonsense?
They both go looking for the source of the music, and find a creature playing a reed pipe.
His eyes were bright green and set in a handsome face.
Oh good, we can't have a friendly character who's ugly.
His shoulder-length silver hair hung loosely down his back. Two small, brown, velvety horns peeped out the top of his shiny tresses, reminding me of young deer just growing antlers.
Ooh, the purple prose is back.
He was slightly smaller than an average human, and his skin was white with a slight lilac tint.
Yeah, lots of Caucasians living in Tibet and Nepal.
He was barefoot but wore pants that looked like they were made from doeskin. His long-sleeved shirt was the color of a pomegranate.
My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way...
What the fuck is happening.
He says that they've been waiting for Kelsey and Kishan to get here, and Kelsey asks who "they" are.
"Well, me for one. Then there's the Silvanae and the fairies."
What the fuck is happening.
He introduces himself as Faunus (???????) and Kelsey says that he's Pan. Faunus has no idea what she's talking about, and I have no idea what's happening. He leads them into the forest, and Kishan says he doesn't trust him. Kelsey says that she does, and because Kelsey is our Mary Sue protagonist, she's completely right.
We followed Faunus through the leafy trees and soon heard the tinkling laughter of many people. As we neared the settlement, I realized that the sound was nothing I'd ever heard people make before. It was unearthly.
I'm sorry, you've never heard people laugh before? I know that's not what Houck means, but the only word we get as description is "tinkling," which doesn't convey the sense that we're supposed to get that this sounds truly alien to our main character. But writing that is hard.
Kelsey asks Faunus what the Silvanae are, and he says that they're tree nymphs. So, uh, dryads, basically. Dunno why Houck doesn't want to use the word "dryad" if she's already done this much damage to her worldbuilding. I also have no idea why Houck is using the Roman name for tree nymphs when every other thing about them is in Greek. Faunus says that the Silvanae/tree nymphs emerge from trees when they split, and Kelsey says that only happens in her world when people chop them down. Faunus is not horrified by this, and is only disappointed when he hears about the tree genocide happening on Earth/whatever dimension we live in.
They finally end up in the Silvanae village, and it's very Beautiful. There are lots of colorful glowing lights, and as they get closer, Kelsey sees that they're full of glowing fairies, because the world no long holds any meaning.
"Kishan! Look! They glow like lightning bugs!"
[I cut out the description of their wings glowing.]
I pointed at one. "Are those--?"
"Fairy lights? Yes. They have two-hour shifts on lantern duty in the evenings. They like to read on duty. Keeps 'em awake. If they fall asleep, their lights go out."
I mumbled, "Right. Of course."
Hey, quick question, who the fuck was talking there? Kelsey is talking to Kishan, and it's phrased like his dialogue, kind of, but how would he know about fairies? It's not written like Faunus's other dialogue. Is Kishan making a (bad) joke, or is Faunus just out of character? Who knows! I sure don't!
Faunus leads them to a clearing, where a large table has been set up for a feast, and blows into his reed pipe to call everyone out to meet Kelsey and Kishan. They're all very beautiful and have the same silver hair and green eyes that Faunus has. (Presumably, they're also all various tints of Caucasian, as well.) Faunus asks if they want to eat first or bathe first, and Kelsey says she'd like a bath, which, fair.
He bowed. "Of course. Anthracia, Phiale, and Deiopea, will you take Kelsey to the women's bathing shallows?"
What the fuck is happening.
Of course, even though they're literally in fucking Tibet, and have always been in Tibet, they're named after figures in Greek mythology, because coming up with names is hard. Except for poor Phiale, who's named after a kind of plate. Sucks to be her, I guess.
They're hot, of course, and they lead Kelsey off to a waterfall. They give her a moss ball as a loofah, which is not how a loofah works. They also shampoo her hair in fragrant soap, and afterwards they massage scented lotion into her skin. Oh yeah, she's naked the whole time this is happening. I don't think Houck was going for strong lesbian undertones, but that's what I'm picking up from this scene.
One of them (it doesn't matter which one) brings her a "celadon" green dress. I had to look up what the hell "celadon" was, and it's a kind of pottery that's jade-colored. So they bring her a green green dress. There are a lot of little flowers embroidered into it, and it's very pretty.
Kelsey says it's amazing that they made the flowers look so real, and it turns out the flowers are real, because tree nymphs and nature magic and blah blah blah. Hey, you want a giant paragraph of clothes porn?
I stood transfixed. The barefoot woman looking back at me [from the mirror] had large brown doe's eyes and soft creamy white skin that glowed with good health. Sparkling green eyeshadow enhanced my eyes, and my lashes were long and dark. My lips shone with apple red gloss, and my cheeks were a beaming pink.
I just saw Joker over the weekend, and this sounds shockingly similar to his clown makeup.
Hey, is it weird that we hear a lot about the pale skin of Kelsey and characters that don't do anything, but the only time we hear about the skin color of our non-white characters is so Kelsey can lust after them?
The green gossamer dress was in the Grecian style, which made me look curvier than I was. It was draped over my shoulders, wrapped around my waist, and fell to the ground in long folds.
Yes, that is how a "dress" works. It covers parts of your body and obeys the laws of gravity.
My hair hung loose and wavy down my back, ending just above my waist. I hadn't realized that my hair had grown so long. It was adorned with flowers and butterfly wings.
These butterfly wings move, and it turns out that there are fairies hanging out in her hair holding it in place. Kelsey says that they don't have to hang out there all night, and, uh...
Phiale shook her head. "Nonsense. They are honored to hold the tresses of one as fair as you. They say your hair is soft, and it's like resting in a cloud. They are happiest when they serve. Please let them stay."
This makes me uncomfortable. So fairies are like house elves, I guess? Also, we get more characters falling over themselves about how beautiful Kelsey is (with the added bonus of using the word "fair" because oof). This is the first time we're getting this kind of treatment from female characters, though, which just adds to the undertones of the scene.
The tree nymphs give her a bouquet of flowers, and Kelsey asks if they're expecting her to get married. They laugh and ask why, and she says that this is similar to how people get married in "[her] land." I'm not sure if this refers to the real world in general, or like, Oregon, because this is not a universal marriage custom. The nymphs laugh and say that if she did want to get married, her man is very handsome. Okay, then.
Kelsey joins the rest of the Greek pantheon, and Kishan is already out there. Kelsey laughs because he looks really uncomfortable, but he doesn't recognize her at first. When he does recognize her, he laughs, which makes Kelsey angry. Double standards, much? He says it's funny because he gets to see her all dolled up, while Ren had to fight a bunch of monkeys. He runs and grabs the camera to take a picture for Ren, showing that Kishan has some self control over his raging hormones. He gushes about how beautiful she is, because we've gone almost a whole page without someone bringing it up.
Kelsey thinks about how Ren would have liked it because it's like a scene out of Midsummer Night's Dream, and compares the two of them to Oberon and Titania. Does that make Kishan Bottom in this scenario?
Faunus introduces them to Queen Dryope, who does absolutely nothing in this scene or later in the book, so this is pointless. I don't even think she has dialogue. She's named after another character in Greek mythology. Interestingly, the mythical Dryope had a kid with the mythical Faunus, so I think there's something going on between them behind the scenes. Very saucy.
Food porn! You thought it was bad enough hearing about every bite of food Kelsey takes when she's eating stuff like pancakes? Now it's time for fairy food. Instead of describing otherworldly food, it's just a lot of pastries and sweets. The finale is a giant strawberry shortcake, which is an incredibly American dish being served by Greek fairies in Shangri-la through a Japanese gate in Tibet underneath Mount Everest.
What the fuck is happening.
Kelsey asks Faunus about the ark, and he attempts to allay some of my concerns about Kelsey's theory that the animals are all descendants of the ones on Noah's ark. Apparently, some of them left through the spirit gate and became the animals in the real world, and some decided to stay. Some of the other ones are descendants of animals that decided to return through the spirit gate. The law of Shangri-la is that none of the animals can hunt each other, so this apparently makes it so that obligate carnivores were able to spontaneously and instantaneously evolve the ability to eat plant matter.
Also, this still doesn't help! We have no idea if the spirit gate on Mount Everest is the only entrance into Shangri-La. We have had exactly zero evidence to the contrary, and the only other possible locations given to us by the Ocean Teacher were in Japan and China. I don't see many giraffes or gorillas running around on Mount Everest, do you? Also, we haven't seen any examples of extinct animals running around in Shangri-La, so I guess we can assume that a lot of this has happened pretty recently in the grand scheme of things. Ugh.
Kelsey asks if Faunus knows about the omphalos stone, and he says he's not familiar with it. Kelsey asks if he knows about a giant tree, and Faunus says that there isn't one in this world, but there are places they have no control over, so it might be in one of those.
"As long as you walk our lands beneath our trees you are safe, but once you leave their shelter we can no longer protect you."
Oh, so it's not in another dimension or anything, it's just across the street and you're too lazy to explore over there. Alright.
Faunus says that if they need guidance they can go sleep in the Grove of Dreams, which gives magical convenient visions of the future. Because getting the answers directly from a magical tree is easier than making our protagonists use their brains to figure out how to solve a problem. I looked this up to see if this was a thing in Greek mythology, and all I could find were a million references to Pokemon (it's related to Jirachi, if you're curious).
There's some commotion at the end of the table, and Faunus says that they've come at a good time because a tree is splitting right now!
It's written out like it's an actual birth scene, but with a tree. It's...really weird. The tree's branches are holding the "hands" in the branches of the neighboring trees, the trunk itself is visibly contracting, and the tree is making weird rumbling groaning noises. Then one of the branches drops off and there's a baby inside.
What the fuck is happening.
It's a baby boy, and there's much rejoicing among the Silvanae. Kelsey forgets how to have a conversation like a human being.
As Faunus walked us to the Grove of Dreams, I asked him, "So now we know where Silvanae come from, but what about the fairies? Are they born from trees too?"
He laughed. "No. Fairies are born of roses. When the bloom is spent, we leave it to seed. A bud swells, and when the time is right, a fairy is born with wings the color of the bloom."
"Do you live forever?"
What a random question. It's a complete non sequitur.
Anyway, no, they're not immortal, but they live for a long time. When they die, they're buried underneath the tree that birthed them and their memories are incorporated into the tree. This does not come back later for any kind of fact-finding mission (like, uh, asking the tree if there's a giant world tree around instead of sleeping in the Convenient Vision Grove), and suggests that underneath the whimsical fairyland they're in now, there's just a gigantic mass grave right underneath their feet. Eugh.
Also, fairies live as long as their rose plant does, which means they can live for quite a while if the plant is taken care of. They're only active in the early evening for some reason, even though it would make more sense for them to be awake during the day because that's when plants, you know, photosynthesize, and they're connected to the flower's life force or whatever.
Faunus drops them off at the Grove and tells them to expect dreams that will answer their questions. But there's, uh, only one bed!! This is literally the third time we've had this conversation in two chapters. Kishan says he'll sleep on the ground, and Kelsey says that they don't know if it will work if he does. So he agrees to sleep in the bed, but only if they sleep back to back.
Kishan muttered as he stowed his backpack. I caught snippets of phrases. There was something about fairy princesses, and how does she expect me to sleep, and Ren better appreciate, etc., etc. I stifled a laugh and rolled over onto my side.
Ha ha! Purposefully leading on a guy who I know is in love with me and thinking it's funny is great!
Kelsey falls asleep and dreams about Ren, because Of Course. In one dream, he doesn't know who she is, and in another he says that he loves her.
I dreamed of a long rope lit with fire and a black pearl necklace.
Now, I've read through the first three books of the series, and I think these are referencing the other two MacGuffins after this one. But I legitimately have no idea. She also dreams that she's swimming underwater with Ren, which I guess is foreshadowing for the next book, Tiger's Voyageof the Dawn Treader.
Kelsey wakes up, dismayed that she didn't dream about the omphalos stone. More importantly (for this book, anyway), she's face to face with Kishan and he's got his arms around her!! Romance!!!
Kishan calls her "honey" and asks for a kiss before he gets out of bed. Kelsey asks if he dreamed about Durga, and he seems confused that he's talking to Kelsey. Hmm, what does it mean?? (We'll find out in a couple chapters, if I remember correctly.)
Anyway, Kishan says that he dreamed about the stone, and says that she looks pretty, because he's still a bit of a creep. Kelsey wonders why she didn't dream about the stone, and Kishan says it's probably because she had something else on her mind. Yeah, our protagonist isn't invested enough in the Plot to actually contribute anything important.
They set off to find the omphalos stone, but before they set off for real, Kishan runs back into the Silvanae village for some reason, and doesn't tell Kelsey why, but he seems happy about something. Okay then.
And with that, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
Hey, you know how I spent the entire first half of this spork whining about the fact that nothing was happening?
I would like to go back to that.
This chapter has been just such a what-the-fuck experience. None of this was hinted at before this chapter started. It just comes out of nowhere, and each scene comes together into a Mortal Kombat-style finishing combo onto my brain.
But hey, just in case you were wondering Shangri-la stopped at butchering Greek mythology...well...have fun in the next few chapters. Things are happening now at breakneck pace, which doesn't really give you a chance to process how weird it all is.
Next time, Chapter Nineteen: Bad Things! We meet a character with maybe the worst written out dialect I've ever seen in my life! Yes, this evaluation includes Circus Mario and Phet!
Last time, we got to experience one of the rare good chapters. Well, not good per se, but it was at least competent. Well, the last few pages were competent.
That changes this time around. This chapter broke me the first time I read it.
Before I start, I just want to give you a quick reminder of the worldbuilding mythology we've seen so far. The reason why will become very clear very soon.
The reason I picked this series up in the first place is because it was based on Hindu mythology, which I was passingly familiar with and wanted to learn more about, in a similar vein to the Percy Jackson series for Greek mythology and Runemarks for Norse mythology (which you should definitely check out if you want a YA book with fun characterization for Loki). Tiger's Curse is a little confused about what exactly "Hindu mythology" entails, so it ends up being a bit of a mish-mash of Hinduism, other Indian religions that remain unnamed but mostly come from Vedic texts, and Buddhism. I'm totally fine with this, because they are regionally similar and there is a fair amount of cultural crossover between them (similar to how Judeo-Christian beliefs and Islam are all Abrahamic religions). At least, that's how it looks to me, an American who has absolutely no background in religious studies.
In the first book, everything was pretty rooted in Hinduism and Buddhism. Kelsey literally meets the goddess Durga inside of a Buddhist temple, and although we never actually get to see Hanuman, they go to his realm and fight a bunch of supernatural monkeys. The Golden Fruit isn't actually from a real myth, but it feels consistent with Houck's portrayal of Hinduism, if not the actual religion itself. The only thing that doesn't actually get an explained origin is Lokesh's magic/the tiger's curse itself, since we're never actually sure if the curse comes from the amulets or from some other source of magic at Lokesh's disposal. But that's not the fault of the underlying mythology, and like the Golden Fruit, it feels consistent with the universe we've seen so far.
In the second book, Houck broadens the scope a bit when we go to Tibet, so we get to hear about Taoism (with the yin/yang symbol) and the spirit gates that supposedly come from Japan. While this is a bit dumber, considering we got absolutely no sense that anything other than Hinduism and Buddhism existed (especially when Buddhism is also very common in Tibet), I also understand that this was a way to bring in some other source material for when Kelsey goes to China. It makes sense geographically is what I'm saying, I guess.
Mr. Kadam likes to bring up stories from other cultures all the time (he's done it since the first book), and it's always seemed like he was just lecturing about mythology because he likes to talk. None of his other comparisons actually come up in the story, so it's easy to believe that, in-universe, these myths descend from the actual supernatural things we've seen so far. So, like, the story of the Garden of Eden could easily have come from the Golden Fruit, for example. So when Mr. Kadam starts talking about the Oracle of Delphi and the Aztecs, it doesn't stand out too much, you know? I certainly didn't notice it the first time I read through the book.
Ha.
Chapter Eighteen: Good Things
Kelsey wakes up, and Kishan tells her that she heals about as fast as him in here, and her legs are "pink and healthy". So, uh, there goes any fear of danger, I guess, since as long as she doesn't immediately die she'll be fine.
I had been sort of counting on Kishan's amulet to fix me, but it wasn't working like Mr. Kadam had said. Maybe Kishan's piece did something different. I'd gotten lucky.
Hey, this is what editing is for! I think Houck realized that giving Kelsey the Matt Damon Amulet killed a lot of the tension in the action scenes, and was stuck with Kelsey having it in the second book because thinking ahead in the series is completely impossible. So instead of coming up with an excuse for why Kelsey wouldn't be wearing the Amulet, she just went, "Huh, it doesn't work the way we thought, weird!" Hey, here's a couple of ideas that I came up with in about five minutes for not having Kelsey wear the Amulet:
- It's not safe to run around doing quests with the amulet on because Lokesh is after her, so she leaves it with Mr. Kadam.
- It's impossible to go through the spirit gate while wearing the Amulet.
- The whole point of the quest is to show that you "have faith," so entering the spirit gate while wearing a magical item for protection means you'd fail the quest.
These still have problems, but it's better than saying "Lol you know that thing I, the author, said? Ignore it."
They make some pancakes with the Golden Fruit, blissfully unaware of the stupidity I just witnessed.
Like Ren in Kishkindha, Kishan is able to stay human as long as he wants, because Magic. Kelsey looks at the notes prepared by Mr. Kadam, and says that their first task is to find the omphalos stone/navel stone/"stone of prophecy" (ouch) so it can point them to the tree they're looking for. She says it looks like a football, and Kishan asks what a football looks like. Comedy?
(Also, Kishan's been living in human society for a while, and lived in America for several months. During football season. He's lying if he says he's never seen a football.)
Anyway. Kelsey wants to head out as soon as possible, because finding the MacGuffin as soon as possible means finding Ren as soon as possible. They change out of their snow gear since it's pretty warm. Kishan is still wearing black, because he's a Bad Boy, which gives us this baffling exchange:
"Don't you get sick of black?"
He shrugged. "It just feels right."
"Hmm."
I legitimately have no idea what idea this is supposed to convey. Is it a joke? Is it supposed to by Symbolic of the fact that he's Dark and Tortured? I honestly have no clue.
Kelsey's legs are completely healed, and there's no scar from the bear attack. Can't have ouw pwotagonist suffew in any way. Scars are icky.
Kelsey takes a bath in some rose tea, because the Golden Fruit can't make water, remember. This is actually alright, because it's using the limitations of the Golden Fruit in an interesting way that isn't "let's eat pancakes," and it's kind of whimsical. I immediately deduct points, however, because the Golden Fruit can't make water. Tea is just hot leaves in water.
I'm sorry, Uncle Iroh, but it's true.
Kishan comes back from scouting and says he found a creek with a game trail, so they head off. It's very beautiful, and when Kelsey seems some narcissus growing near the water, she tells him about the Greek myth of Narcissus. We don't get to hear it, so this is pointless. There are animals everywhere, and they're super friendly. A cardinal lands on Kelsey's finger, a hawk lands on Kishan's arm (ouch), and Kelsey pets a fox's head. And then, uh...
In the afternoon, we emerged from the forest to find horses grazing in a meadow full of wildflowers. I plucked stems to make a bouquet as we walked. The horses trotted over to investigate.
Kishan fed them apples from a nearby tree while I braided flowers in the mane of a beautiful white mare.
What the actual fuck am I reading? She just said a couple pages ago that she's paying attention to the ticking clock now and wants to save Ren as soon as possible! But she still has time to play My Little Pony with some horses? Why??
They make camp for the night, planning to explore a weird structure in the distance in the morning, and Kelsey tells Kishan that it feels like the Garden of Eden.
"Ah, but if I recall, there was a snake in the garden."
Hey, so Kishan doesn't know what football is, but knows all about the book of Genesis and Judeo-Christian mythology?
Kelsey points out Fanindra and says that there's one now. Ha ha? So is she calling Fanindra, like, Satan? Is that the joke?
But, oh no, there's two of them but only one sleeping bag!! Wait, didn't we already have this scene? Anyway, Kishan says it's different now that he's a man the whole time and he'd feel weird sharing a sleeping bag with her. Because he won't be able to keep himself from "hold[ing]" her while they sleep, and all men are just completely horny all the time. They settle in on opposite sides of the fire, and he asks Kelsey to tell him another Greek myth before they go to bed. Don't worry, we get to hear this one in excruciating detail.
Basically, it boils down to something really boring. There was a beautiful woman named Chloris who had a garden but was lonely, until one day a man came to the garden, and he was really hot. He also thinks that she is hot, introduces himself as Zephyrus, the west wind, and they fall in love. He says he'll come back in the spring, which he does, and then they get married and have a kid. Yeah, this whole myth can be summed up by saying "two people fell in love and got married."
Now, this doesn't really sound like a Greek myth to me, mostly because it doesn't have nearly enough kidnapping or non-consensual sex in it. Greek myths are just Like That. More importantly, there isn't any conflict in it? Greek myths are full of disagreements between gods and mortals, gods and gods, and just about everybody.
So I looked it up! And, shocker, this isn't what happens at all! Chloris is actually abducted by Zephyrus, because of course she is. Gotta include rape in everything, you nasty ancient Greeks. Also, Chloris is thought to be the one who transformed Narcissus (and others) into flowers in some versions of the myths, so that's cool, I guess. Not that this is mentioned at all.
Somehow, Kelsey manages to stretch a story you can sum up in less than one sentence into like two whole pages. It's full of weird phrasing, I guess because Kelsey is trying to make it sound Mythical. It's annoying to read:
Her long blonde hair smelled like roses and was always adorned with a halo of flowers. Her skin was as soft as flower petals. Her lips were puckered and pink like peonies, and her cheeks--soft blushing orchids.
And:
He immediately fell in love with her and dropped to his knees before her. She beseeched him to stand. He did, and the warm wind shuffled [shuffled??] his cloak, lifted it, and enfolded both of them in its purple billows.
The whole thing is so purple we've gone into ultraviolet.
Ah, yes. Tibet.
Kishan conks out about halfway through, and I don't blame him one bit. It was a bad story.
Scene break! The next morning, there's a bunch of giraffes around them! Wokka wokka! Yeah, it's treated like a joke, but again it's 1) not funny and 2) there is absolutely no punchline. There's some gorillas around too, for Reasons. They don't act scared of the two humans, and the gorillas allow Kishan to approach one of the babies. Weird!
Kelsey and Kishan wander over to the big structure they noticed the night before. It's a big wooden thing, and as they get closer, Kelsey realizes it looks like a boat. Uhh, no, we're not actually--
"I don't think so, Kells. It's too big to be a boat."
"It is, Kishan. I think it's the ark!"
"The what?"
"The ark--as in Noah's ark. Remember when Mr. Kadam talked about all those flood myths? Well, if this really is the mountain where Noah landed, then that must be what's left of his boat! Come on!"
HAHAHAHAHA WHAAAAT
I just...I'm beyond words. This is so fucking stupid. Let's see if I can break this down.
1) This story just turned into an "all myths are true" universe. "All myths are true" universes aren't inherently bad, but you have to actually do the legwork and show a variety of mythologies and folklore from the beginning, or at least explain why you're only focusing on one.
Percy Jackson does this by making the Greek gods avatars of Western culture, while explicitly stating that it's staying away from "metaphysical" religion and stuff. Dresden Files includes all sorts of different monsters and characters from different cultural backgrounds, so we can reasonably assume that different cultures' supernatural entities accompany people like Listens to Wind and Ancient Mai. This is literally what American Gods is about--showing how other cultures' gods have changed and evolved in America. The Mortal Instruments fails to do this by explicitly saying "all myths are true" and then only using vampires and werewolves.
You can't just do this with no effort to show it beforehand. I don't even know how to explain why this is a terrible idea other than just saying "my brain hurts."
2) Noah's ark supposedly landed on the top of Mount Everest, so why is it here inside Shangri-la? We know next to nothing about the spirit gates (because coming up with a consistent explanation for magic and worldbuilding is really hard, guys), but they presumably came about after the whole business with the flood, right? Since, you know, everyone died? With the exception of the five hundred different versions of the flood myth that Houck threw at us, I guess. But the spirit gate isn't even at the top of the mountain, which is where the ark was supposed to be. This makes absolutely no sense.
3) In the Bible, Noah used regular wood to build the ark. It would have rotted away by now. And the spirit gate isn't an excuse for why it's still here, because it's described as old, rotting, and falling apart, which means it's been decaying inside of Shangri-la. If it is preserved here, and was brought in later, who took it here? And why? And how?
4) The fact that Noah's freaking ark is here is irrefutable evidence that Judeo-Christian beliefs are also objectively true. Kelsey does not react to this in any way, despite being (I'm assuming) raised Christian, given some of her comments from the last book. Houck didn't think farther than "lol boat," which means the characters don't behave like actual characters. (Also, ignore the fact that Noah didn't land on Mount Everest in Judeo-Christian mythology, so the fact that it's here is just made up for this book.)
5) What the fuck?
This actually broke my brain the first time I read this. It's currently breaking my brain. My brain is soup.
It gets worse!
They explore for a bit, and Kelsey takes some pictures for Mr. Kadam. When they leave, Kelsey thinks she has something smart to say.
Later, as we left the wooden relic, I said, "Kishan . . . I have a theory. I think that Noah's ark did land here and the animals we've seen are descendants from those original animals. Maybe that's why they act differently. They haven't lived anywhere else but here."
EXCEPT THE ENTIRE POINT OF NOAH'S ARK IS THAT THE ANIMALS ON THE BOAT ARE THE ANCESTORS OF THE ANIMALS IN THE REAL WORLD BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE DIED IN THE FLOOD. IF THIS WAS THE CASE, THERE WOULD BE NO ANIMALS LEFT IN THE REAL WORLD, BECAUSE YOU JUST ESTABLISHED THAT THE ARK WAS A THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED.
Remember. This book has fans.
Kishan says that this is stupid, but not for the reasons I said. Nah, he makes it about...being horny.
"Just because an animal lives in paradise doesn't mean that it doesn't have any instincts. Instincts are very powerful. The instinct to protect your territory, to hunt for food, and to . . ." he looked at me pointedly, "find a mate can be overwhelming."
I'm ignoring the fact that the dialogue tag makes no sense, and calling Kishan out. She's not into you, dude. Stop.
Anyway, Kelsey said that food is plentiful, which means territory isn't an issue, and it doesn't look like there's ever a scarcity because she's seen flowers that bloom in different seasons all growing together. They say that they haven't seen any predators yet. This is a complete lie, because in the first scene here they hung out with a falcon and a fox, both of which are predators. God, this book is so bad.
Later, they see their "first" predators, which again, is simply not true given what happened earlier in this chapter. Editing, what's that??? Anyway, it's a bunch of lions. Kishan goes to check it out, and says that they're hanging out with a bunch of antelopes and eating apples instead of meat.
"Ah ha! [note: this is maybe the weirdest way I've seen "aha" written out] So my theory was correct. This really is like the Garden of Eden. The animals don't hunt."
Yeah, because when I think "story about Hindu mythology" and "Shangri-la," my next thought is obviously "Garden of Eden." Ugh.
Also, this isn't the Garden of Eden so this makes no sense! If we go along with the idiotic "these animals are the descendants of the ones in Noah's ark" theory, they would still, you know, hunt! Noah's ark happened way after the Garden of Eden stuff, so they'd still behave like normal animals! Stupid!
They run into other groups of carnivores--including tigers and bears, which means I can say "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" Some wolves come up for scritches. Kelsey says that she wishes Ren could see this place, which makes Kishan sad.
Later, they end up in a forest with a bunch of daffodils. They hear some flute music coming from somewhere, which is the first sign of sentient life they've seen. Oh, boy, what horrors await us with this nonsense?
They both go looking for the source of the music, and find a creature playing a reed pipe.
His eyes were bright green and set in a handsome face.
Oh good, we can't have a friendly character who's ugly.
His shoulder-length silver hair hung loosely down his back. Two small, brown, velvety horns peeped out the top of his shiny tresses, reminding me of young deer just growing antlers.
Ooh, the purple prose is back.
He was slightly smaller than an average human, and his skin was white with a slight lilac tint.
Yeah, lots of Caucasians living in Tibet and Nepal.
He was barefoot but wore pants that looked like they were made from doeskin. His long-sleeved shirt was the color of a pomegranate.
My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way...
What the fuck is happening.
He says that they've been waiting for Kelsey and Kishan to get here, and Kelsey asks who "they" are.
"Well, me for one. Then there's the Silvanae and the fairies."
What the fuck is happening.
He introduces himself as Faunus (???????) and Kelsey says that he's Pan. Faunus has no idea what she's talking about, and I have no idea what's happening. He leads them into the forest, and Kishan says he doesn't trust him. Kelsey says that she does, and because Kelsey is our Mary Sue protagonist, she's completely right.
We followed Faunus through the leafy trees and soon heard the tinkling laughter of many people. As we neared the settlement, I realized that the sound was nothing I'd ever heard people make before. It was unearthly.
I'm sorry, you've never heard people laugh before? I know that's not what Houck means, but the only word we get as description is "tinkling," which doesn't convey the sense that we're supposed to get that this sounds truly alien to our main character. But writing that is hard.
Kelsey asks Faunus what the Silvanae are, and he says that they're tree nymphs. So, uh, dryads, basically. Dunno why Houck doesn't want to use the word "dryad" if she's already done this much damage to her worldbuilding. I also have no idea why Houck is using the Roman name for tree nymphs when every other thing about them is in Greek. Faunus says that the Silvanae/tree nymphs emerge from trees when they split, and Kelsey says that only happens in her world when people chop them down. Faunus is not horrified by this, and is only disappointed when he hears about the tree genocide happening on Earth/whatever dimension we live in.
They finally end up in the Silvanae village, and it's very Beautiful. There are lots of colorful glowing lights, and as they get closer, Kelsey sees that they're full of glowing fairies, because the world no long holds any meaning.
"Kishan! Look! They glow like lightning bugs!"
[I cut out the description of their wings glowing.]
I pointed at one. "Are those--?"
"Fairy lights? Yes. They have two-hour shifts on lantern duty in the evenings. They like to read on duty. Keeps 'em awake. If they fall asleep, their lights go out."
I mumbled, "Right. Of course."
Hey, quick question, who the fuck was talking there? Kelsey is talking to Kishan, and it's phrased like his dialogue, kind of, but how would he know about fairies? It's not written like Faunus's other dialogue. Is Kishan making a (bad) joke, or is Faunus just out of character? Who knows! I sure don't!
Faunus leads them to a clearing, where a large table has been set up for a feast, and blows into his reed pipe to call everyone out to meet Kelsey and Kishan. They're all very beautiful and have the same silver hair and green eyes that Faunus has. (Presumably, they're also all various tints of Caucasian, as well.) Faunus asks if they want to eat first or bathe first, and Kelsey says she'd like a bath, which, fair.
He bowed. "Of course. Anthracia, Phiale, and Deiopea, will you take Kelsey to the women's bathing shallows?"
What the fuck is happening.
Of course, even though they're literally in fucking Tibet, and have always been in Tibet, they're named after figures in Greek mythology, because coming up with names is hard. Except for poor Phiale, who's named after a kind of plate. Sucks to be her, I guess.
They're hot, of course, and they lead Kelsey off to a waterfall. They give her a moss ball as a loofah, which is not how a loofah works. They also shampoo her hair in fragrant soap, and afterwards they massage scented lotion into her skin. Oh yeah, she's naked the whole time this is happening. I don't think Houck was going for strong lesbian undertones, but that's what I'm picking up from this scene.
One of them (it doesn't matter which one) brings her a "celadon" green dress. I had to look up what the hell "celadon" was, and it's a kind of pottery that's jade-colored. So they bring her a green green dress. There are a lot of little flowers embroidered into it, and it's very pretty.
Kelsey says it's amazing that they made the flowers look so real, and it turns out the flowers are real, because tree nymphs and nature magic and blah blah blah. Hey, you want a giant paragraph of clothes porn?
I stood transfixed. The barefoot woman looking back at me [from the mirror] had large brown doe's eyes and soft creamy white skin that glowed with good health. Sparkling green eyeshadow enhanced my eyes, and my lashes were long and dark. My lips shone with apple red gloss, and my cheeks were a beaming pink.
I just saw Joker over the weekend, and this sounds shockingly similar to his clown makeup.
Hey, is it weird that we hear a lot about the pale skin of Kelsey and characters that don't do anything, but the only time we hear about the skin color of our non-white characters is so Kelsey can lust after them?
The green gossamer dress was in the Grecian style, which made me look curvier than I was. It was draped over my shoulders, wrapped around my waist, and fell to the ground in long folds.
Yes, that is how a "dress" works. It covers parts of your body and obeys the laws of gravity.
My hair hung loose and wavy down my back, ending just above my waist. I hadn't realized that my hair had grown so long. It was adorned with flowers and butterfly wings.
These butterfly wings move, and it turns out that there are fairies hanging out in her hair holding it in place. Kelsey says that they don't have to hang out there all night, and, uh...
Phiale shook her head. "Nonsense. They are honored to hold the tresses of one as fair as you. They say your hair is soft, and it's like resting in a cloud. They are happiest when they serve. Please let them stay."
This makes me uncomfortable. So fairies are like house elves, I guess? Also, we get more characters falling over themselves about how beautiful Kelsey is (with the added bonus of using the word "fair" because oof). This is the first time we're getting this kind of treatment from female characters, though, which just adds to the undertones of the scene.
The tree nymphs give her a bouquet of flowers, and Kelsey asks if they're expecting her to get married. They laugh and ask why, and she says that this is similar to how people get married in "[her] land." I'm not sure if this refers to the real world in general, or like, Oregon, because this is not a universal marriage custom. The nymphs laugh and say that if she did want to get married, her man is very handsome. Okay, then.
Kelsey joins the rest of the Greek pantheon, and Kishan is already out there. Kelsey laughs because he looks really uncomfortable, but he doesn't recognize her at first. When he does recognize her, he laughs, which makes Kelsey angry. Double standards, much? He says it's funny because he gets to see her all dolled up, while Ren had to fight a bunch of monkeys. He runs and grabs the camera to take a picture for Ren, showing that Kishan has some self control over his raging hormones. He gushes about how beautiful she is, because we've gone almost a whole page without someone bringing it up.
Kelsey thinks about how Ren would have liked it because it's like a scene out of Midsummer Night's Dream, and compares the two of them to Oberon and Titania. Does that make Kishan Bottom in this scenario?
Faunus introduces them to Queen Dryope, who does absolutely nothing in this scene or later in the book, so this is pointless. I don't even think she has dialogue. She's named after another character in Greek mythology. Interestingly, the mythical Dryope had a kid with the mythical Faunus, so I think there's something going on between them behind the scenes. Very saucy.
Food porn! You thought it was bad enough hearing about every bite of food Kelsey takes when she's eating stuff like pancakes? Now it's time for fairy food. Instead of describing otherworldly food, it's just a lot of pastries and sweets. The finale is a giant strawberry shortcake, which is an incredibly American dish being served by Greek fairies in Shangri-la through a Japanese gate in Tibet underneath Mount Everest.
What the fuck is happening.
Kelsey asks Faunus about the ark, and he attempts to allay some of my concerns about Kelsey's theory that the animals are all descendants of the ones on Noah's ark. Apparently, some of them left through the spirit gate and became the animals in the real world, and some decided to stay. Some of the other ones are descendants of animals that decided to return through the spirit gate. The law of Shangri-la is that none of the animals can hunt each other, so this apparently makes it so that obligate carnivores were able to spontaneously and instantaneously evolve the ability to eat plant matter.
Also, this still doesn't help! We have no idea if the spirit gate on Mount Everest is the only entrance into Shangri-La. We have had exactly zero evidence to the contrary, and the only other possible locations given to us by the Ocean Teacher were in Japan and China. I don't see many giraffes or gorillas running around on Mount Everest, do you? Also, we haven't seen any examples of extinct animals running around in Shangri-La, so I guess we can assume that a lot of this has happened pretty recently in the grand scheme of things. Ugh.
Kelsey asks if Faunus knows about the omphalos stone, and he says he's not familiar with it. Kelsey asks if he knows about a giant tree, and Faunus says that there isn't one in this world, but there are places they have no control over, so it might be in one of those.
"As long as you walk our lands beneath our trees you are safe, but once you leave their shelter we can no longer protect you."
Oh, so it's not in another dimension or anything, it's just across the street and you're too lazy to explore over there. Alright.
Faunus says that if they need guidance they can go sleep in the Grove of Dreams, which gives magical convenient visions of the future. Because getting the answers directly from a magical tree is easier than making our protagonists use their brains to figure out how to solve a problem. I looked this up to see if this was a thing in Greek mythology, and all I could find were a million references to Pokemon (it's related to Jirachi, if you're curious).
There's some commotion at the end of the table, and Faunus says that they've come at a good time because a tree is splitting right now!
It's written out like it's an actual birth scene, but with a tree. It's...really weird. The tree's branches are holding the "hands" in the branches of the neighboring trees, the trunk itself is visibly contracting, and the tree is making weird rumbling groaning noises. Then one of the branches drops off and there's a baby inside.
What the fuck is happening.
It's a baby boy, and there's much rejoicing among the Silvanae. Kelsey forgets how to have a conversation like a human being.
As Faunus walked us to the Grove of Dreams, I asked him, "So now we know where Silvanae come from, but what about the fairies? Are they born from trees too?"
He laughed. "No. Fairies are born of roses. When the bloom is spent, we leave it to seed. A bud swells, and when the time is right, a fairy is born with wings the color of the bloom."
"Do you live forever?"
What a random question. It's a complete non sequitur.
Anyway, no, they're not immortal, but they live for a long time. When they die, they're buried underneath the tree that birthed them and their memories are incorporated into the tree. This does not come back later for any kind of fact-finding mission (like, uh, asking the tree if there's a giant world tree around instead of sleeping in the Convenient Vision Grove), and suggests that underneath the whimsical fairyland they're in now, there's just a gigantic mass grave right underneath their feet. Eugh.
Also, fairies live as long as their rose plant does, which means they can live for quite a while if the plant is taken care of. They're only active in the early evening for some reason, even though it would make more sense for them to be awake during the day because that's when plants, you know, photosynthesize, and they're connected to the flower's life force or whatever.
Faunus drops them off at the Grove and tells them to expect dreams that will answer their questions. But there's, uh, only one bed!! This is literally the third time we've had this conversation in two chapters. Kishan says he'll sleep on the ground, and Kelsey says that they don't know if it will work if he does. So he agrees to sleep in the bed, but only if they sleep back to back.
Kishan muttered as he stowed his backpack. I caught snippets of phrases. There was something about fairy princesses, and how does she expect me to sleep, and Ren better appreciate, etc., etc. I stifled a laugh and rolled over onto my side.
Ha ha! Purposefully leading on a guy who I know is in love with me and thinking it's funny is great!
Kelsey falls asleep and dreams about Ren, because Of Course. In one dream, he doesn't know who she is, and in another he says that he loves her.
I dreamed of a long rope lit with fire and a black pearl necklace.
Now, I've read through the first three books of the series, and I think these are referencing the other two MacGuffins after this one. But I legitimately have no idea. She also dreams that she's swimming underwater with Ren, which I guess is foreshadowing for the next book, Tiger's Voyage
Kelsey wakes up, dismayed that she didn't dream about the omphalos stone. More importantly (for this book, anyway), she's face to face with Kishan and he's got his arms around her!! Romance!!!
Kishan calls her "honey" and asks for a kiss before he gets out of bed. Kelsey asks if he dreamed about Durga, and he seems confused that he's talking to Kelsey. Hmm, what does it mean?? (We'll find out in a couple chapters, if I remember correctly.)
Anyway, Kishan says that he dreamed about the stone, and says that she looks pretty, because he's still a bit of a creep. Kelsey wonders why she didn't dream about the stone, and Kishan says it's probably because she had something else on her mind. Yeah, our protagonist isn't invested enough in the Plot to actually contribute anything important.
They set off to find the omphalos stone, but before they set off for real, Kishan runs back into the Silvanae village for some reason, and doesn't tell Kelsey why, but he seems happy about something. Okay then.
And with that, the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
Hey, you know how I spent the entire first half of this spork whining about the fact that nothing was happening?
I would like to go back to that.
This chapter has been just such a what-the-fuck experience. None of this was hinted at before this chapter started. It just comes out of nowhere, and each scene comes together into a Mortal Kombat-style finishing combo onto my brain.
But hey, just in case you were wondering Shangri-la stopped at butchering Greek mythology...well...have fun in the next few chapters. Things are happening now at breakneck pace, which doesn't really give you a chance to process how weird it all is.
Next time, Chapter Nineteen: Bad Things! We meet a character with maybe the worst written out dialect I've ever seen in my life! Yes, this evaluation includes Circus Mario and Phet!
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