Chapter 12: Something New
Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, we got a mix of nothing happening and some shoddy worldbuilding that makes no sense. Also, Kelsey wants to date Kishan now.
This time, Ren further cements himself as an unlikable, petty bitch.
Actually, before I get started, I'd just like to say that I still don't have the foggiest idea why Houck decided to retcon how Kelsey's powers work.
Houck rightly realized that the way she'd written Kelsey's powers--the ability to shoot bolts of lightning--wouldn't work underwater. She'd be able to electrocute her immediate surroundings (like an electric eel) but she wouldn't be able to shoot bolts at a target that's far away.
So Houck's solution was to make it a concentrated burst of fire to avoid the problem with the lightning, somehow COMPLETELY overlooking the fact that fire doesn't work underwater either. Yes, underwater blowtorches are a thing, but those seem to work by shooting a pressurized stream of combustible gas into the water, which will burn for a very short time (requiring a constant stream of gas) over very short distances--nothing like we see Kelsey do, where she shoots beams of fire.
I would have accepted the kind of dumb explanation that Kelsey's powers work because Magic over this. They're divine powers received from a literal goddess! It would make sense that they don't necessarily follow the laws of physics! In trying to make Kelsey's powers more realistic, they stop making sense completely.
Or, better yet, make it so Kelsey can't use her powers at ALL while she's underwater! It could be like one of those stealth missions in a video game where you lose all your items, and your only option is to use your wits to avoid a confrontation altogether.
Ah. That's why Kelsey has to be able to use her powers. She HAS no wits to outsmart enemies with.
Chapter Twelve: Something New
We pick back up right after Kelsey asked Kishan to get dinner with her that night. Kishan says that they have dinner together every night, and Kelsey clarifies that she's asking him out on a date. Kishan accepts and says that they should go into town so they can be alone. He's very happy about this development, and Kelsey decides to go shopping to calm her nerves.
Yeah, there's another chapter where a large portion of the page count is shopping.
Mr. Kadam lends Kelsey a car and some credit cards, so it's time to go shopping!!! She buys some clothes and shoes to wear to her date and window shops for a while. She walks by a hair salon and she heads in. The receptionist asks if she'd like a haircut, and she tugs her long braid, finally agreeing to get it cut.
Geddit? Because Ren said he liked her braid? And she's not dating Ren anymore?
She tells the stylist to do what she wants. The stylist says to "trust her," which is a worrying thing to hear from a hairdresser. As her hair is being washed, another girl comes up and offers to give her a manicure, so she decides to splurge for her date with Kishan and get her nails done too.
Riveting stuff, I know.
Of course, Kelsey isn't allowed to have a conversation with other women that isn't about the men in her life, so they ask her all about Kishan and ask if he has a brother. Comedy?
She's shocked when the stylist cuts a few inches off of her hair and curls it.
She explained that my hair was now just past shoulder level and layered.
Given the amount of Drama caused by how short her hair is in the future, this...really isn't that short. Although I suppose that since she also gets it curled it would be pretty short. After she's finished getting her hair cut, Kelsey changes and goes to the restaurant to meet Kishan. Rest assured, we get to hear a detailed description of his outfit.
He wore a pair of dark blue jeans, faded along the thighs, and a long-sleeved gray shirt with embroidery details along the chest and back.
I don't caaaaare this is so booooringgggg
He scans the room and misses Kelsey at first because of her new look, which definitely isn't the first time this has happened in this series. He compliments her shirt and says that "[i]t makes her skin look like cream," which again reinforces the weird emphasis on pale skin in this book. He also notices that she cut her hair and she asks if he likes it.
"That depends. How long is it?"
I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder.
He grunted. "That's still long enough, so I like it."
God damn it, Kishan, I'm trying to be on your side here. She can wear her hair however she likes!
Actually, the reason he says this is to make a sexual joke, which is still weird in a book that won't actually say the word.
"Long enough for what?"
"Long enough for a man to run his hands through."
So there's that. I guess he doesn't really care that it's shorter now.
Now, there is someone who does care, but we'll get to that shortly.
Kishan asks why she asked him out, and Kelsey said that it was the right time. She says it's partly because of Ren, and partly because she didn't like being so angry with Ren and being with Kishan would help being around him on the ship. So, uh, every reason she gave was because of Ren.
We chatted through dinner, and he shared some funny stories about growing up a prince and hunting in the jungle.
Hey, these would have actually been interesting to read! It would provide some much-needed characterization for Kishan! It's weird, because if this was Ren talking, Houck would share every word he said because Ren is just That Awesome. Houck clearly favors Ren for the love triangle, so she doesn't even bother trying to make Kelsey's relationship with Kishan compelling.
They ride around on the motorcycle after dinner and they head back to the boat afterwards. Kelsey realizes she left the Jeep in town and Kishan says they'll send a crewmember to go get it. Yeah, the crewmembers, whose job it is to run the ship, and are in no way obligated to act as your personal servants. Ah, but they're the lower classes, so basic respect for other people doesn't matter. Ugh.
Kishan walks her back to her room and says they can take it as slow as she wants. Kelsey kisses him on the cheek and says goodnight, and he wraps one of her curls around his finger.
I mean, I'm actually alright with Kelsey's hair representing her relationships with Ren and Kishan. Mostly because Houck doesn't make Kelsey think "HEY MY HAIR REPRESENTS MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH REN AND KISHAN" like she usually does.
The next day is Wes's last day on the ship. Wes meets them in the dry garage, and literally whistles at Kelsey's haircut. We're supposed to find this charming, but receiving unsolicited whistles and requests to smile are literally Never appreciated. Kelsey hugs him goodbye, and Wes wishes her good luck in the future. As he picks his bags up, he tells her that if she ever gets tired of Ren or Kishan to look him up, because God forbid a male character not be interested in Kelsey.
This is, no joke, the last time Wes is present in the series.
WHAT?
Yep. After all that nonsense of picking him up, spending time with him, flirting with Kelsey--all that? It was all. Completely. Pointless. He contributes nothing useful to the plot, other than teaching the characters how to dive. Which could easily have been done by having Mr. Kadam teach them to dive, since it's completely reasonable for him to have learned at some point in the three hundred plus years he's been living on his own.
This is SUCH A FUCKING WASTED OPPORTUNITY it boggles my mind. He's so suspicious the entire time he's a character! Mr. Kadam specifically says that he's not one of the normal people he trusts to work with, and it's entirely possible that whatever background check they performed wouldn't turn up any dealings with Lokesh! Ren and Kishan say multiple times that they don't trust Wes and that something seems off about him. I pointed out that his explanation for why he was in India is kind of weak. Every time one of the main trio makes a reference to Ren and Kishan being tigers he picks up on it and comments on it, almost like he already knows their secret. While reading through the book for the first time, with no knowledge of where things were going, I literally left notes next to his passages to check if he betrays them at any point in the future because alarm bells were going off in my head that this guy is super suspicious.
AND NOTHING. COMES OUT OF HIS BEING A CHARACTER. HE IS ENTIRELY SUPERFLUOUS, AND THE ONLY REASON HE EXISTS IS SO YET ANOTHER MALE CHARACTER CAN HIT ON KELSEY.
I'm so fucking angry.
As Wes leaves, Kelsey hears the clicking of high heels and Kishan tries to pull her away from the ramp.
He stiffened, and I heard a simpering female voice say, "Why, aren't you the sweetest thing? Inviting me to spend a few days here with you!"
Ugh. This part. This is Randi, who exists to be a stereotype.
Also, who the hell agrees to go live on a boat with a complete stranger for a few days while you're presumably on vacation in a foreign country? That's how you get trafficked.
Kelsey "peek[s] over Kishan's large bicep" to see Ren walking up the ramp with a woman. He glares at Kelsey when he sees her, and Kelsey decides to be a shrill harpy about Ren receiving female attention from anyone that isn't her.
I glared right back, but he quickly looked away and smiled at the curvy piece of insubstantial cotton candy that had attached herself like a leech to Ren's arm.
I'm trying to parse what "curvy piece of insubstantial cotton candy" means. I can't figure out what image this is supposed to conjure in my head.
If you couldn't tell by this point, most of this chapter is Kelsey slut-shaming this girl for daring to hit on Ren. Because it's cute and charming when guys hit on Kelsey, but it's whorish and crass when girls hit on Ren. I hate this book.
The Barbie-shaped blonde turned to look at us. Her gaze flitted up and down my frame and, after quickly dismissing me, she turned her attention to Kishan. Her collagen-injected lips widened to something resembling a smile. "Wait a minute, gorgeous. You haven't introduced me yet."
See what I mean? She's a literal cartoon character.
Kelsey asks if she's from America, and Randi says she's from Beverly Hills. Kelsey says that she's from Oregon, and Randi responds in a way that no human being ever would:
She wrinkled her nose. "I could never live in Oregon. I need to have the sun. Oregon's much too cold. If I lived there, I'd never be able to lay out on the beach. But I can see laying out isn't something you like to do, so Oregon's probably the ideal place for you, then, isn't it? I think everyone should know their place in the world and stay in it. We's all be so much more comfortable then, wouldn't we? It's been so nice to meet you."
Houck still doesn't get that people don't just talk in paragraphs. Seriously, read this paragraph out loud. See how long it takes to get through that. Kelsey literally just sits through a solid 30-second monologue that bounces from topic to topic with absolutely no reaction.
As Harrison Ford reportedly said to George Lucas, "You can type this shit, but you can't say it." Or something along those lines.
Kelsey immediately decides that Randi is eeeevil.
Scene break! Kelsey is immediately unsuccessful at avoiding Ren, who specifically sought her out to be an Asshole.
Ren was glaring at me, livid. His fists were clenched at his sides. I set down my book and asked, "Is something wrong? What happened?"
"What happened? What happened? You cut your hair!"
He says that it's so short she can't even braid it anymore, and Kelsey says that she could probably make some small pigtails, but it doesn't matter anyway since she likes it.
"Well, I don't!"
I frowned at him. "What exactly are you upset about?"
"I can't believe you just went off and cut your hair without telling . . . anyone."
Kelsey retorts that Kishan likes it, and if he likes braids so much to tell Randi to braid hers for him. Ren storms off, furious.
This is inexcusable. Yes, Ren likes Kelsey to have long hair, as we established with that weird "braid fetish" conversation. But he's not dating her anymore. HE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HER. She's allowed to do whatever she wants with her hair!
And he's actually livid about this. Because how dare a girl who he's not dating not cater to his every whim? He's Ren! He's the greatest person who ever lived! Everyone has to respect his wishes at all times!
This, this, is the section that really cemented how much of an unlikeable asshole Ren really is. Because this is how he treats people who don't give him exactly what he wants. Before this scene, you can always make the argument that oh, he's doing all this shit because he Loves Kelsey. But this attitude displays a flagrant disrespect towards the very idea that Kelsey can be her own person outside of his own little sphere of control. Flipping out over a girl (who he is NO LONGER DATING, mind you) daring to cut her hair is controlling, and I hate him so much.
But we're supposed to think this is romantic. It shocks me that so many fans still talk about how much of a gentleman Ren is after this scene. Ugh.
Kelsey doesn't see Ren or Randi again until later that night when they meet for dinner. Randi says that she's hungry, but forces Ren not to eat any of the meat options.
She took a seat across from us and explained, "I'm very careful about what I eat. I only eat vegetables, and occasionally some fruit. It helps me maintain my figure."
And gives her nutritional deficiencies. Also, no one talks like this.
Kelsey mocks Randi by narrating that her plate only has a little bit of salad and some mango, and she refuses to eat the croutons.
Randi continued, "I've never eaten meat in any form. Not even eggs or milk. I just think animals are so filthy. I can't imagine eating them. I don't even like house pets. Especially cats. Their fur is so dirty. They lick themselves all over. And their little paws touch you everywhere." She shuddered. "I think animals should be kept in zoos, don't you agree? That's all they're good for, after all."
No one talks like this. People don't just ping-pong back and forth between random topics! This is a rambling mess!
Hurr hurr she doesn't like cats and Ren is a cat. Comedy.
She calls Kelsey fat for drinking papaya juice (no joke), and Kishan defends Kelsey.
Randi quickly backpedaled. "Oh, of course you wouldn't think so because you're such a gentleman, but you are biased after all." She pushed aside her plate. "Oh dear, I've eaten too much. Now I'll have to work out for an hour." Half of her salad was still on her plate.
Ah. Houck, I know this is supposed to be a joke about hurr hurr isn't she such a hag because she cares too much about her looks, but this isn't funny. This is literally a symptom of an eating disorder. Through that lens, Randi's obsession about not eating meat and constantly fixating on her and Kelsey's weight makes complete sense because she's clearly suffering from an untreated eating disorder. Which ISN'T FUNNY.
Kelsey's too worried about being fat to notice.
After Randi and Ren leave, Kishan and Kelsey literally have a food fight with sundae toppings like actual children. This exact scene is present in My Inner Life, a truly pestilent fanfiction where a self-insert marries Link from Legend of Zelda. I highly recommend listening to this dramatic reading of it, which I honestly quote regularly.
Kelsey and Kishan continue to avoid Ren and Randi by making meals with the Golden Fruit and holing up on top of the wheelhouse with the Scarf. It's kind of a cute scene where they blindfold each other and make random foods for the other person to guess. They plan on going swimming but Randi is hanging out by the pool. Kelsey, naturally, slut-shames Randi for having the audacity to wear a bikini at the pool. Randi asks Kelsey to get the serving girl (i.e., Nilima) and Kelsey says that Nilima isn't a servant.
Her top barely covered her heaving bosom.
I guess the word "boobs" is too juvenile for this series. Kelsey is nineteen, she wouldn't use the word "bosom." "Breasts," maybe, but only old ladies say "bosom."
They looked too perfect to be real and I briefly wondered how much something like that cost. Wow. What if one pops? I giggled.
Holy double standard, Batman! It's awful and horrible when Randi comments on Kelsey's appearance, but Kelsey is free to insult Randi's appearance at will!
Randi insults Kelsey some more and asks where Ren is. They say they'll find him and leave. Kishan offers a workout and a massage instead, which Kelsey agrees to. She asks if they should go find Ren, and Kishan says that he probably knows Randi's looking for him and is avoiding her.
They run into Nilima, who is the only person on the ship to care that Randi is insulting the crew (as everyone else only cares that she's insulting Kelsey).
The next morning, Kishan bursts into Kelsey's room dripping wet and only wearing a towel.
"What is it?" I tried to keep my eyes locked on his face and ignore the very nice bronze torso barely hidden under the skimpy white towel.
Last time, we got a mix of nothing happening and some shoddy worldbuilding that makes no sense. Also, Kelsey wants to date Kishan now.
This time, Ren further cements himself as an unlikable, petty bitch.
Actually, before I get started, I'd just like to say that I still don't have the foggiest idea why Houck decided to retcon how Kelsey's powers work.
Houck rightly realized that the way she'd written Kelsey's powers--the ability to shoot bolts of lightning--wouldn't work underwater. She'd be able to electrocute her immediate surroundings (like an electric eel) but she wouldn't be able to shoot bolts at a target that's far away.
So Houck's solution was to make it a concentrated burst of fire to avoid the problem with the lightning, somehow COMPLETELY overlooking the fact that fire doesn't work underwater either. Yes, underwater blowtorches are a thing, but those seem to work by shooting a pressurized stream of combustible gas into the water, which will burn for a very short time (requiring a constant stream of gas) over very short distances--nothing like we see Kelsey do, where she shoots beams of fire.
I would have accepted the kind of dumb explanation that Kelsey's powers work because Magic over this. They're divine powers received from a literal goddess! It would make sense that they don't necessarily follow the laws of physics! In trying to make Kelsey's powers more realistic, they stop making sense completely.
Or, better yet, make it so Kelsey can't use her powers at ALL while she's underwater! It could be like one of those stealth missions in a video game where you lose all your items, and your only option is to use your wits to avoid a confrontation altogether.
Ah. That's why Kelsey has to be able to use her powers. She HAS no wits to outsmart enemies with.
Chapter Twelve: Something New
We pick back up right after Kelsey asked Kishan to get dinner with her that night. Kishan says that they have dinner together every night, and Kelsey clarifies that she's asking him out on a date. Kishan accepts and says that they should go into town so they can be alone. He's very happy about this development, and Kelsey decides to go shopping to calm her nerves.
Yeah, there's another chapter where a large portion of the page count is shopping.
Mr. Kadam lends Kelsey a car and some credit cards, so it's time to go shopping!!! She buys some clothes and shoes to wear to her date and window shops for a while. She walks by a hair salon and she heads in. The receptionist asks if she'd like a haircut, and she tugs her long braid, finally agreeing to get it cut.
Geddit? Because Ren said he liked her braid? And she's not dating Ren anymore?
She tells the stylist to do what she wants. The stylist says to "trust her," which is a worrying thing to hear from a hairdresser. As her hair is being washed, another girl comes up and offers to give her a manicure, so she decides to splurge for her date with Kishan and get her nails done too.
Riveting stuff, I know.
Of course, Kelsey isn't allowed to have a conversation with other women that isn't about the men in her life, so they ask her all about Kishan and ask if he has a brother. Comedy?
She's shocked when the stylist cuts a few inches off of her hair and curls it.
She explained that my hair was now just past shoulder level and layered.
Given the amount of Drama caused by how short her hair is in the future, this...really isn't that short. Although I suppose that since she also gets it curled it would be pretty short. After she's finished getting her hair cut, Kelsey changes and goes to the restaurant to meet Kishan. Rest assured, we get to hear a detailed description of his outfit.
He wore a pair of dark blue jeans, faded along the thighs, and a long-sleeved gray shirt with embroidery details along the chest and back.
I don't caaaaare this is so booooringgggg
He scans the room and misses Kelsey at first because of her new look, which definitely isn't the first time this has happened in this series. He compliments her shirt and says that "[i]t makes her skin look like cream," which again reinforces the weird emphasis on pale skin in this book. He also notices that she cut her hair and she asks if he likes it.
"That depends. How long is it?"
I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder.
He grunted. "That's still long enough, so I like it."
God damn it, Kishan, I'm trying to be on your side here. She can wear her hair however she likes!
Actually, the reason he says this is to make a sexual joke, which is still weird in a book that won't actually say the word.
"Long enough for what?"
"Long enough for a man to run his hands through."
So there's that. I guess he doesn't really care that it's shorter now.
Now, there is someone who does care, but we'll get to that shortly.
Kishan asks why she asked him out, and Kelsey said that it was the right time. She says it's partly because of Ren, and partly because she didn't like being so angry with Ren and being with Kishan would help being around him on the ship. So, uh, every reason she gave was because of Ren.
We chatted through dinner, and he shared some funny stories about growing up a prince and hunting in the jungle.
Hey, these would have actually been interesting to read! It would provide some much-needed characterization for Kishan! It's weird, because if this was Ren talking, Houck would share every word he said because Ren is just That Awesome. Houck clearly favors Ren for the love triangle, so she doesn't even bother trying to make Kelsey's relationship with Kishan compelling.
They ride around on the motorcycle after dinner and they head back to the boat afterwards. Kelsey realizes she left the Jeep in town and Kishan says they'll send a crewmember to go get it. Yeah, the crewmembers, whose job it is to run the ship, and are in no way obligated to act as your personal servants. Ah, but they're the lower classes, so basic respect for other people doesn't matter. Ugh.
Kishan walks her back to her room and says they can take it as slow as she wants. Kelsey kisses him on the cheek and says goodnight, and he wraps one of her curls around his finger.
I mean, I'm actually alright with Kelsey's hair representing her relationships with Ren and Kishan. Mostly because Houck doesn't make Kelsey think "HEY MY HAIR REPRESENTS MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH REN AND KISHAN" like she usually does.
The next day is Wes's last day on the ship. Wes meets them in the dry garage, and literally whistles at Kelsey's haircut. We're supposed to find this charming, but receiving unsolicited whistles and requests to smile are literally Never appreciated. Kelsey hugs him goodbye, and Wes wishes her good luck in the future. As he picks his bags up, he tells her that if she ever gets tired of Ren or Kishan to look him up, because God forbid a male character not be interested in Kelsey.
This is, no joke, the last time Wes is present in the series.
WHAT?
Yep. After all that nonsense of picking him up, spending time with him, flirting with Kelsey--all that? It was all. Completely. Pointless. He contributes nothing useful to the plot, other than teaching the characters how to dive. Which could easily have been done by having Mr. Kadam teach them to dive, since it's completely reasonable for him to have learned at some point in the three hundred plus years he's been living on his own.
This is SUCH A FUCKING WASTED OPPORTUNITY it boggles my mind. He's so suspicious the entire time he's a character! Mr. Kadam specifically says that he's not one of the normal people he trusts to work with, and it's entirely possible that whatever background check they performed wouldn't turn up any dealings with Lokesh! Ren and Kishan say multiple times that they don't trust Wes and that something seems off about him. I pointed out that his explanation for why he was in India is kind of weak. Every time one of the main trio makes a reference to Ren and Kishan being tigers he picks up on it and comments on it, almost like he already knows their secret. While reading through the book for the first time, with no knowledge of where things were going, I literally left notes next to his passages to check if he betrays them at any point in the future because alarm bells were going off in my head that this guy is super suspicious.
AND NOTHING. COMES OUT OF HIS BEING A CHARACTER. HE IS ENTIRELY SUPERFLUOUS, AND THE ONLY REASON HE EXISTS IS SO YET ANOTHER MALE CHARACTER CAN HIT ON KELSEY.
I'm so fucking angry.
As Wes leaves, Kelsey hears the clicking of high heels and Kishan tries to pull her away from the ramp.
He stiffened, and I heard a simpering female voice say, "Why, aren't you the sweetest thing? Inviting me to spend a few days here with you!"
Ugh. This part. This is Randi, who exists to be a stereotype.
Also, who the hell agrees to go live on a boat with a complete stranger for a few days while you're presumably on vacation in a foreign country? That's how you get trafficked.
Kelsey "peek[s] over Kishan's large bicep" to see Ren walking up the ramp with a woman. He glares at Kelsey when he sees her, and Kelsey decides to be a shrill harpy about Ren receiving female attention from anyone that isn't her.
I glared right back, but he quickly looked away and smiled at the curvy piece of insubstantial cotton candy that had attached herself like a leech to Ren's arm.
I'm trying to parse what "curvy piece of insubstantial cotton candy" means. I can't figure out what image this is supposed to conjure in my head.
If you couldn't tell by this point, most of this chapter is Kelsey slut-shaming this girl for daring to hit on Ren. Because it's cute and charming when guys hit on Kelsey, but it's whorish and crass when girls hit on Ren. I hate this book.
The Barbie-shaped blonde turned to look at us. Her gaze flitted up and down my frame and, after quickly dismissing me, she turned her attention to Kishan. Her collagen-injected lips widened to something resembling a smile. "Wait a minute, gorgeous. You haven't introduced me yet."
See what I mean? She's a literal cartoon character.
Kelsey asks if she's from America, and Randi says she's from Beverly Hills. Kelsey says that she's from Oregon, and Randi responds in a way that no human being ever would:
She wrinkled her nose. "I could never live in Oregon. I need to have the sun. Oregon's much too cold. If I lived there, I'd never be able to lay out on the beach. But I can see laying out isn't something you like to do, so Oregon's probably the ideal place for you, then, isn't it? I think everyone should know their place in the world and stay in it. We's all be so much more comfortable then, wouldn't we? It's been so nice to meet you."
Houck still doesn't get that people don't just talk in paragraphs. Seriously, read this paragraph out loud. See how long it takes to get through that. Kelsey literally just sits through a solid 30-second monologue that bounces from topic to topic with absolutely no reaction.
As Harrison Ford reportedly said to George Lucas, "You can type this shit, but you can't say it." Or something along those lines.
Kelsey immediately decides that Randi is eeeevil.
Randi smiled at me evilly
See, told you.
Randi smiled at me evilly, the way the winner in a beauty pageant would smile at the runner-up. On the surface she was polite, but beneath the white smile was a layer of something very unpleasant.
Excuse me, but what part of that monologue was polite to you? She basically insulted you to your face!
Also, I think Randi is the first character in the entire book that doesn't immediately like Kelsey. Even Lokesh has the hots for her after seeing her once, and he's the villain! Every male character falls in love with her instantly! Nilima is the only named secondary female character that actually does stuff, and she sacrifices a whole lot for Kelsey for nothing in return! I think this is just Kelsey not knowing how to deal with a character that doesn't like her for the first time in her life.
Randi didn't walk up the stairs--she wiggled her way up them.
Yay, more slut-shaming!
She gives Ren a big sloppy kiss and they enter the boat. Kishan says that he knew she'd be coming aboard but didn't know she was, well, like that, and that they should avoid the both of them while she's here. Kelsey says that's probably a good idea.
Scene break! Kelsey is immediately unsuccessful at avoiding Ren, who specifically sought her out to be an Asshole.
Ren was glaring at me, livid. His fists were clenched at his sides. I set down my book and asked, "Is something wrong? What happened?"
"What happened? What happened? You cut your hair!"
He says that it's so short she can't even braid it anymore, and Kelsey says that she could probably make some small pigtails, but it doesn't matter anyway since she likes it.
"Well, I don't!"
I frowned at him. "What exactly are you upset about?"
"I can't believe you just went off and cut your hair without telling . . . anyone."
Kelsey retorts that Kishan likes it, and if he likes braids so much to tell Randi to braid hers for him. Ren storms off, furious.
This is inexcusable. Yes, Ren likes Kelsey to have long hair, as we established with that weird "braid fetish" conversation. But he's not dating her anymore. HE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HER. She's allowed to do whatever she wants with her hair!
And he's actually livid about this. Because how dare a girl who he's not dating not cater to his every whim? He's Ren! He's the greatest person who ever lived! Everyone has to respect his wishes at all times!
This, this, is the section that really cemented how much of an unlikeable asshole Ren really is. Because this is how he treats people who don't give him exactly what he wants. Before this scene, you can always make the argument that oh, he's doing all this shit because he Loves Kelsey. But this attitude displays a flagrant disrespect towards the very idea that Kelsey can be her own person outside of his own little sphere of control. Flipping out over a girl (who he is NO LONGER DATING, mind you) daring to cut her hair is controlling, and I hate him so much.
But we're supposed to think this is romantic. It shocks me that so many fans still talk about how much of a gentleman Ren is after this scene. Ugh.
Kelsey doesn't see Ren or Randi again until later that night when they meet for dinner. Randi says that she's hungry, but forces Ren not to eat any of the meat options.
She took a seat across from us and explained, "I'm very careful about what I eat. I only eat vegetables, and occasionally some fruit. It helps me maintain my figure."
And gives her nutritional deficiencies. Also, no one talks like this.
Kelsey mocks Randi by narrating that her plate only has a little bit of salad and some mango, and she refuses to eat the croutons.
Randi continued, "I've never eaten meat in any form. Not even eggs or milk. I just think animals are so filthy. I can't imagine eating them. I don't even like house pets. Especially cats. Their fur is so dirty. They lick themselves all over. And their little paws touch you everywhere." She shuddered. "I think animals should be kept in zoos, don't you agree? That's all they're good for, after all."
No one talks like this. People don't just ping-pong back and forth between random topics! This is a rambling mess!
Hurr hurr she doesn't like cats and Ren is a cat. Comedy.
She calls Kelsey fat for drinking papaya juice (no joke), and Kishan defends Kelsey.
Randi quickly backpedaled. "Oh, of course you wouldn't think so because you're such a gentleman, but you are biased after all." She pushed aside her plate. "Oh dear, I've eaten too much. Now I'll have to work out for an hour." Half of her salad was still on her plate.
Ah. Houck, I know this is supposed to be a joke about hurr hurr isn't she such a hag because she cares too much about her looks, but this isn't funny. This is literally a symptom of an eating disorder. Through that lens, Randi's obsession about not eating meat and constantly fixating on her and Kelsey's weight makes complete sense because she's clearly suffering from an untreated eating disorder. Which ISN'T FUNNY.
Kelsey's too worried about being fat to notice.
After Randi and Ren leave, Kishan and Kelsey literally have a food fight with sundae toppings like actual children. This exact scene is present in My Inner Life, a truly pestilent fanfiction where a self-insert marries Link from Legend of Zelda. I highly recommend listening to this dramatic reading of it, which I honestly quote regularly.
Kelsey and Kishan continue to avoid Ren and Randi by making meals with the Golden Fruit and holing up on top of the wheelhouse with the Scarf. It's kind of a cute scene where they blindfold each other and make random foods for the other person to guess. They plan on going swimming but Randi is hanging out by the pool. Kelsey, naturally, slut-shames Randi for having the audacity to wear a bikini at the pool. Randi asks Kelsey to get the serving girl (i.e., Nilima) and Kelsey says that Nilima isn't a servant.
Her top barely covered her heaving bosom.
I guess the word "boobs" is too juvenile for this series. Kelsey is nineteen, she wouldn't use the word "bosom." "Breasts," maybe, but only old ladies say "bosom."
They looked too perfect to be real and I briefly wondered how much something like that cost. Wow. What if one pops? I giggled.
Holy double standard, Batman! It's awful and horrible when Randi comments on Kelsey's appearance, but Kelsey is free to insult Randi's appearance at will!
Randi insults Kelsey some more and asks where Ren is. They say they'll find him and leave. Kishan offers a workout and a massage instead, which Kelsey agrees to. She asks if they should go find Ren, and Kishan says that he probably knows Randi's looking for him and is avoiding her.
They run into Nilima, who is the only person on the ship to care that Randi is insulting the crew (as everyone else only cares that she's insulting Kelsey).
The next morning, Kishan bursts into Kelsey's room dripping wet and only wearing a towel.
"What is it?" I tried to keep my eyes locked on his face and ignore the very nice bronze torso barely hidden under the skimpy white towel.
Um...if the towel is both "skimpy" and high enough to hide his torso, I don't think it would also cover the, uh, lower bits.
Anyway, Randi busted in on his shower to ask him where Ren is. Kelsey says that she probably has no idea where he is, especially when he still has to be a tiger for twelve hours of the day.
He says he'll finish up in hers and Kelsey says she'll make sure no one barges in.
He ducked his head through the door and grinned. "Just so you know, you are welcome to barge in on my shower anytime."
I laughed. "Good to know."
Why is it that I'm more okay with Kishan making jokes like this? I guess it's because they're actually explicitly dating, and Kishan's established to have kind of a joking personality anyway. When Ren does this it feels really skeevy, like he expects Kelsey to actually do what he says, but Kishan seems like he's just having a good time. I dunno.
Kelsey heads off to breakfast and Randi pounces on her, asking her for help finding Ren. She says that if Kelsey doesn't help her, she'll just move on to the next best option, i.e., Kishan. Well, at least she's up front about it.
Kelsey says that she doesn't love them because they're rich, which is, uh, rich coming from her. You know, the person swanning about in a gigamegahyperyacht with literally no budget instead of doing quest things.
She does call Randi a "witch" though. So there's that. I guess "bitch" is too strong of a cuss word.
Kelsey activates her tracker and finds Ren hiding in the garage as "my white tiger." Glad to see the narration is still hardcore Relsey when the two of them actively hate each other right now. Kelsey asks what he was thinking bringing Randi on board, and says that she and Kishan will keep her busy while he has to be a tiger. She goes off and rejoins Kishan, who agrees to entertain Randi because Kelsey said they would. They go swimming, and while Kelsey and Kishan swim laps Randi tans on the side of the pool. Kelsey says that it's probably to show off her "artificial bosom" rather than to actually, uh, tan.
Randi tells Kelsey that she'll end up snagging either Ren or Kishan, because Houck doesn't think you got it the last time Randi said this. Before Kelsey can respond, Ren shows up again, so she and Kishan sneak off to go watch a movie.
That night Ren escorts Randi off the ship. He whispers something to her and Kishan smirks since he can hear it with his super-hearing.
"What? What is it?" I asked.
He whispered, "Ren called her a sukhada motha. 'A delightful weed.'"
Nine people have highlighted that, by the way.
Randi flirts with Kishan, because that's her entire character, and then saunters off, "swiveling her hips like a church bell."
Thus ends Randi's relevance to the book. She showed up, did nothing but be annoying and give Kelsey an opportunity to slut-shame her (justified because she's Mean) and be hypocritical, and then leave in the same chapter.
This book promised me dragons, dammit.
Kishan says that his mother would have hated her, but would have liked Kelsey. Because always remember that how good of a person you are depends on how much you would personally like Kelsey. God, I'd be like the arch-villain in this universe.
The Deschen lifts anchor and everyone breathes a sigh of relief that Randi's gone, and the chapter ends.
Closing Thoughts
Wow, this chapter is awful.
All of the stuff with Randi is supposed to be comedic, but it's really not. Randi is painted as really stupid, but she's also self-aware enough to state in her dialogue that she's trying to attract a rich husband and doesn't care who it is. There's an element of tragedy to her because she's clearly suffering from an eating disorder and is very insecure about her appearance, but she's constantly demonized for it. But when Kelsey comments about how she's plain and constantly talks about how she's surprised people are attracted to her, we're supposed to find this endearing and relatable, when this is the same thing.
It's okay when Wes flirts with Kelsey, and Ren and Kishan are totally unjustified in not liking Wes for this, but when Randi flirts with Ren, she's an evil whore. Every other character's opinions of characters are entirely identical to how Kelsey feels about them.
This lets me talk about an interesting thing about protagonist-centered morality. I usually try to avoid the term "Mary Sue," because I think that pointing to certain traits (i.e., dead parents, differently colored eyes, magical powers) in a vacuum doesn't actually hit the root of the problem. These traits can be used well if the writing is good. When I use the term "Mary Sue," what I mean is pretty much exactly this--the entire fabric of the universe bends around the main character. Characters inexplicably like her immediately, and people who don't are unconditionally bad people. Her opinions and ideas are rarely challenged, so she's free to make fun of people (which other characters agree with because she's always right), but when other people do the same things, she can feel righteous indignation at being wronged. Characters don't feel like they exist outside of their relationship with the protagonist.
Using that definition, Kelsey is unquestionably a Mary Sue.
Anyway. Next time, Chapter Thirteen: Lady Silkworm! Now that all of this nonsense on the boat is finished up, we can actually get back to the Plot!
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