Chapter 18: Making Up Is Hard to Do
Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, Kelsey and Kishan finally made out, but then Ren crashed their date and threw their stuff overboard, because Ren is a childish asshole. That's literally all that happened (other than some whining from Kelsey about her hurt leg).
This time, the Drama comes to a new height because Ren...has gotten over his mysterious amnesia!
Which wasn't all that mysterious, because we literally watched it happen in real time in the last book. That doesn't stop Kelsey from being confused about it here, though.
Chapter Eighteen: Making Up Is Hard to Do
This sounds like the title to a really bad love ballad from like the 80s. There's synth harp in the background.
Kelsey and Kishan look around forthe mysterious voice Ren's voice, and they see him standing on the roof of the deck. Ominously. He growls at them (because of course he does) and jumps down to their level.
He descended from above dressed in white, barefoot, his blue eyes blazing, and landed in a crouch.
WHY DOES IT MATTER IF HE'S BAREFOOT OH MY GOD
Take that out of the sentence and it's so much better!
He descended from above dressed in white, his blue eyes blazing, and landed in a crouch.
It gets the point of the scene across so much better without being distracted by Kelsey's weird obsession with his bare feet!!!
He stood slowly and stalked toward us like a dark angel full of the fury of God.
Note: this is a reaction to him crashing their date, destroying their stuff, yelling at them, and threatening them.
Kishan says that Ren's not acting like himself. I beg to differ. This is completely in character for him. Kishan physically stands in front of Kelsey to protect her from Ren, and tells her to run if Ren attacks. GuessHouck Kishan forgot about Kelsey's magic lightning/fire powers that work in an instant.
Kishan tells Ren that he won't let him hurt her, and Ren says that he has no interest in hurting Kelsey, but he's going to "destroy" Kishan. Ren starts yelling in Hindi (to preserve suspense, I guess?) and Kishan gets angry and tells Kelsey to run. Just as she's getting ready to run away, Ren collapses, holding his head and screaming.
We get some really repetitive prose again:
I had to go to him. He needed me. His anguish seeped into my body until it became a living entity. I had to vanquish it. I couldn't let him suffer like this, couldn't allow him to feel this pain. I knew somehow that I could destroy this blackness, this darkness that overshadowed his mind, his soul.
"I had to go to him. I had to go to him. I had to stop it. I had to stop it. I had to stop it. I knew I could destroy this blackness, this blackness that overshadowed (because it's black) him him."
It's exhausting to read.
It continues by repeating things over and over:
Under the hurt, under the layers of torment, there was something solid, something strong, something unbreakable. It was back. The bridge between Ren and me had been rebuilt. It was hidden under waves of pain. It was flooded over, but it was there, and it was rock-hard and firm.
Saying the same things with different words makes things more dramatic, right?
I could feel my limbs trembling, echoing his shaky movements.
This is shockingly similar to the bad writing in YIIK, a game that isn't very popular but has a really bad repetition problem. The example being, "I felt the elevator shake, vibrating with motion." Which says the same thing three times without conveying any actual information.
Anyway, Kelsey doesn't actually do anything, but he gets better after a couple of minutes. Kishan asked what happened, and Ren says that "the veil of concealment has been lifted," which is a really weird way of describing amnesia. The conversation goes about as well as you'd expect when these three characters don't have a brain cell between them.
"A veil? What veil?"
"The veil in my mind. The one Durga put there."
"Durga?"
"Yes," he replied softly.
I want to tear my hair out.
He says that he remembers everything now, and he and Kelsey lock eyes and it's very Sultry and Magical. Kishan grabs Kelsey and says that they're going to get Mr. Kadam, and that Ren should stay there. He agrees, so he and Kelsey start leaving. Ren decides to be dumb and asks Kelsey to stay with him. Of course Kishan doesn't let her, because that would be stupid. They have no idea what's happening--it might be a weird plot by Lokesh or something. It isn't, but at least Kishan has the sense to be a bit cautious about it.
Kelsey's basically in shock, which means that while Kishan and Mr. Kadam have the important conversation about what the hell is happening, we're treated to Kelsey purple-ly describing how her ~connection~ with Ren is back and how she's happy about it.
Even as I sat here decks away from him, I could feel the warmth of his presence as if a soft blanket had been wrapped around my soul, around my heart. It held me and protected me. It sheltered me, and I knew I wasn't alone anymore. I'd been like a colander, a bowl that could hold onto the major stuff but the precious liquid drops of emotional connection were constantly draining out of me.
So there's that. Also, did Houck really have to describe a colander as a bowl? We're not idiots, we know what a colander is.
Mr. Kadam says that it looks like Ren's gotten his memories back, and asks Kelsey if she'd like to talk to him now or wait until later. She waffles back and forth.
"Okay." I nodded maniacally. "I should see him, right? You think I should see him, don't you?"
I stood and took a few steps and then turned. "No. Wait. I can't. What do I say to him? How do I explain everything?"
Which is a fair reaction to have, but it doesn't really fit into the whole picture Houck's been trying to paint of Kelsey as grounded/self-possessed/confident/etc. The only consistent character in this series is Ren, and he's just consistently rude and awful. I guess Mr. Kadam too, but he's such a non-character that I don't think he counts.
Kelsey says that she'll see him now if Kishan goes with her. She goes back to her room first and changes out of her date clothes, which she's still wearing after Ren threw his tantrum.
Kishan, even though he told her that he'd be with her while they talked, peaces out and says that he'll meet up if she needs him. Which is something that Ren would never do--Kishan actually trusts Kelsey enough to let her be in the same room as another man. I never thought that this would be how low the bar was, but here we are.
Ren sees that Kelsey is nervous and immediately downplays how uncomfortable she is.
He tilted his head. "You're scared. You don't need to be."
I dropped my gaze to my hands.
He went on, "You're acting like you did when I first revealed myself to you at Phet's house."
"I can't seem to help myself."
"I don't ever want you to be frightened of me, priya."
Hmm, maybe it's reasonable for Kelsey to be a bit nervous around you because 1) she's had several conversations with him (that he now remembers!) where she expressed her fears about being abandoned by someone she loves, which he did by both breaking up with her and losing his memories, 2) Houck still doesn't think we know what caused the amnesia in the first place and keeps telling us that it's because of something Lokesh did, so it's natural to be suspicious when Ren randomly gets his memories back for seemingly no reason, and 3) the fact that when he got his memories back he was seriously trying to kill Kishan. WEIRD.
He says that something triggered his memories to come back, and Kelsey asks what it was. He says it's not important, which is a super suspicious thing to say if Lokesh is involved in any way. I mean, he's not, but Kelsey doesn't know that (even if she should).
Ren says that he did it to himself, and Kelsey asks why. Need I remind you about the conversation from the second book:
"Don't give up! Not when we're so close!"
His eyes shifted. "There is an option I could consider."
"What is it? What option?"
"Durga," he paused, "has offered her protection, but she asks a heavy price. It's not worth it."
"Anything is worth your life! Take it! Don't think twice about it. You can trust Durga. Do it! Whatever the price is, it doesn't matter as long as you survive." [Talk about repetitive dialogue. Oof.]
[snip]
He pressed his forehead to the bars. "The only thing I couldn't bear is if he hurt you. I won't allow it. I won't let him find you, Kelsey. No matter what."
"What do you mean?"
He smiled. "Nothing, my sweet. Don't worry."
And then Kelsey angsts about feeling their ~connection~ break.
Like? In hindsight, seeing that Ren has amnesia, wouldn't it be super obvious what happened? Just, ARGH.
Ren explains what the amnesia did in basically the same terms that you'd be able to figure out on your own given the conversation from the previous book.
"Durga offered to help me block you out and even planted a subliminal aversion to being near you. The idea being that if somehow I was rescued, even then I would stay as far away from you as possible."
"That included you not being able to touch me? The burning you felt?"
"Yes. That way, I'd avoid you, and Lokesh couldn't use me to find you. [snip] Forgetting you was the only way I could really protect you. The only way to save you."
This plan makes no sense. First, when Ren was Lokesh's prisoner, he didn't know where Kelsey was. He was captured in Oregon. It makes sense that Kelsey would go to his mansion, but he had no way of knowing if she would, when she'd leave, what the second prophecy was, where they would go to find the Scarf, anything. LOKESH HIMSELF WAS WAITING FOR THEM TO GET THE SCARF SO HE COULD USE THE MAGICAL VISION OR WHATEVER TO FIND HER.
Second, how would Lokesh use Ren to find them after he escaped? We saw that Lokesh implanted a tracker in Ren's arm, but Ren immediately took it out. If Ren hadn't taken it out, the amnesia/aversion wouldn't have helped protect Kelsey because it's a tracking device, and Ren still hung out with Kelsey ANYWAY. Lokesh didn't try to use any magical means to try to find them after Ren escaped, either, so the amnesia literally did nothing but cause Drama.
Third, what exactly made Ren the only source of this information such that giving him amnesia would completely protect Kelsey? Lokesh didn't care about finding Kelsey until he saw her DURING THE RESCUE MISSION. Why did Lokesh need information about Kelsey when he didn't even plan on doing anything with it? Remember--he wants to capture her so he can father a super-baby or whatever (ick). He only decided to do this AFTER THE RESCUE MISSION.
Yes, he wants the Damon Amulet, so I guess he used Ren as bait to get Kelsey there. But that doesn't require knowing Kelsey's location at all, since he's trying to draw her to him. Which is what happened. Because the amnesia plan only works in the long term if Kelsey succeeded in rescuing Ren, which means that Lokesh would know her location because she'd be at his camp and--
My brain hurts so bad trying to understand how this is supposed to have worked.
Anyway, Ren apologizes for how he treated her during his amnesia and explains what happened from his point of view. This is pointless, because most of what he's talking about is stuff that Kelsey was there for, and we don't get any new information that he hasn't already told her.
"Then one day, the three of you came and saved me. I didn't know who you were. I felt like I should know you, but I couldn't stay around you as a man without great pain. Being around you filled the emptiness though. It was worth the physical pain. I don't think Durga expected that. The emotional pull of you would override the physical discomforts of being close. So we came together again. But this time I was limited, blocked. As a tiger I could be close, be your companion, feel you near, and I fell for you again."
Literally none of that was new information. He says that he broke up with her to prove that they didn't Need each other, and even though he "paraded other women" around her, "all [he] could think about was that cowboy having his hands on you." You know, removing any kind of agency or choice from Kelsey in determining whether she actually liked Wes or not.
Um. There's a troubling bit when he's talking about how he'd give everything up again to protect her, which is. Uh.
"You are more important to me that all the world, and I would sacrifice all of the world to make you happy, to keep you safe. Please believe me when I say that."
Normally the profession of love involving sacrifice involves self sacrifice. Ren is talking about personally destroying the world (using the word "sacrifice," which connotes a very Aztec-like ritualistic killing, which, yikes) for Kelsey. Eek.
It gets worse!
Kelsey says that she believes him and tries to turn in for the night.
"We can talk about this more tomorrow, Ren. It's way past midnight now, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight."
"Goodnight?" he asked, puzzled.
"Yes. Goodnight." I took two steps away from him and felt his hand on my arm.
"Wait. I'll walk with you."
So yeah, Ren seems unhappy with how this conversation turned out.
I quickly glanced away from his confused face and hesitated briefly before I spoke. "Umm . . . you'd better not. Kishan is . . . waiting for me."
His face darkened. "You're . . . still going with him?"
I sighed. "Yes."
"But didn't anything I say make a difference to you?"
[snip]
"I know, Ren, but . . . it doesn't mater. I'm . . . I'm with Kishan now."
He dropped my hand as his blue eyes turned icy. "What do you mean you're with Kishan now?"
Hooooooly shit. This reveals so much about Ren as a character, and it's incredibly ugly. "I said all the right stuff, so why don't you automatically reciprocate my feelings? I'm entitled to a relationship with you because I'm such a nice guy!!!"
This is the ugliest way you can portray a character. AND HE'S THE LOVE INTEREST! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO READ THIS AND THINK IT'S ROMANTIC.
Uh, the only other thing worth mentioning is this kind of funny line:
"I can be with you again. I can touch you."
So what if I felt limited, stifled? I could learn to adapt to it like Chinese girls who learn to walk on bound feet.
I read that sentence out loud to my sister and the face she made was amazing. That's a really bad simile given how uh, horrific the foot binding practice is. Also, if you look closely, Houck uses the present tense to describe this, implying that this is a thing that she thinks still happens. Yikes.
She's not done with the stupid similes!
Heartstrings fully taut, binding my emotions in place, pinching me like tight stays on a corset, I pulled on some clothes and reluctantly made my way up to the wheelhouse.
Corsets only "pinch" if you tightlace, which was a much less common practice than people think. I can speak from experience, because I've actually worn a corset before.
Kelsey finds a note with a ~"blue silk rose"~ attached to it, so it's obviously from You Know Who. There's a poem and, confusingly, a pair of pearl earrings. Where, uh, where did Ren get those from? They're in the middle of the Spirit World or whatever, and Kelsey generally points out when something is made using the Scarf, which she doesn't do here. Does Ren just carry these around at all times so he can try to guilt Kelsey into dating him when the opportunity arises?
Know you, perchance, how that poor formless wretch--
The Oyster--gems his shallow moonlit chalice?
Where the shell irks him, or the sea-sand frets,
He sheds this lovely lustre on his grief.
--Sir Edwin Arnold
Let me keep my pearl.
--Ren
My dude, you can't "keep" something that isn't yours to begin with. Ren broke up with Kelsey, and Kelsey has decided to stay with Kishan. Ren isn't entitled to Kelsey just because he dated her at one point, no matter how much he thinks he does. (And he definitely does, as we'll see in the future, so that's not just me exaggerating what's happening.)
Luckily, Mr. Kadam is around to save me from this Drama by bringing up the Plot (finally), and he says that he and Kishan have figured out what the markings on the sky disk mean. Basically, they describe a series of "obstacles" between their current position and the next dragon, so it's a map.
Mr. Kadam asks how Kelesy's doing, and Kelsey says that she's not ready to talk about it yet. Mr. Kadam says that she can talk to him about it whenever she's ready, which is kind of a nice character moment for him, and that's the end of that scene, as well as the rest of the Plot for this chapter. Ugh.
Later, Kelsey feels a piece of paper in her jacket pocket, and it's another poem (Sonnet #116, if you're curious). This makes Kelsey angry and she finds Ren to yell at him. She bursts into his room while he's changing and ogles his chest, because fanservice? She asks what he's trying to do and tells him to stop.
"It looks like a Shakespeare poem, Kells. You like Shakespeare so what's the problem?"
"The problem is that I'm no longer entertaining poems from you."
Now this is kind of a stretch (and people like to throw this word around a lot even when it's not necessarily applicable), but Ren really seems like he's gaslighting Kelsey. The poems are obviously an attempt to win her back from Kishan (which even Kelsey picks up on, and she's dumb). So when she confronts him about it, he tries to make her think that her assumption (that the poems are supposed to be romantic) is crazy, because he's obviously just sharing the works of an author she likes with no ulterior motive! There's no problem, so what's the big deal? You're acting like a crazy person and imagining an intent that totally doesn't exist!
It's super manipulative and gross, and I am filled with seething rage.
All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I kept backing up until I hit the wall. He pressed his hands against it on either side of my head and leaned in close to me. I stubbornly thrust out my chin, refusing to be intimidated by him.
He's a psychopath! How that he's not dating Kelsey, he's treating her just like all the guys he threatened for dating her! We're supposed to think this is ROMANTIC!
Ren starts nuzzling her face (uhh...what) and kissing her. Kelsey turns her face away and he continues kissing her neck. I am super uncomfortable, because Kelsey doesn't want to kiss him (well, she does, but she says she doesn't) and she's literally trapped up against a wall by a man who is much stronger than her.
I DON'T LIKE THIS
During all of this Ren is saying quote unquote romantic dialogue that sounds like it's from fucking Hannibal Lecter.
"Mmm, you taste delicious. Do you know how good it feels to be able to touch you without pain? To kiss you?" He pressed tingling kisses along the length of my jaw, and whispered, "I want to drown in the pleasure of being close to you."
It gets worse!
Kelsey physically pushes him away using "all [her] strength" but he refuses to leave her alone! THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING, HOUCK!
"That's it, Ren. I mean it. Read . . . my . . . lips. I want Kishan. Not you."
Now, if you're a normal person, you would interpret that as Kelsey saying she wants Ren to leave her alone.
Ren, of course, interprets this as an invitation to kiss her. He's, um, pretty rough about it too.
Suddenly, he yanked me into his arms. One of his hands splayed against my back, and the other slipped into my hair. He angled my head and crushed his mouth against mine.
Kelsey, of course, loves it. I'll get into why this S U C K S at the end of the chapter.
He was like the ocean, so vast, so full of life, so essential to the world. So essential to my world.
Ughhh
Um, there's a lot of prose so purple it goes into ultraviolet, and it's all wrapped up in this really overwritten ocean metaphor.
But I was cherished by this dark Poseidon, and though he had the power to crush me utterly, to drown my in the purple depths of his wake, he held me aloft, separate.
I...what?
Dark Poseidon???
HUH????
This all goes on for five paragraphs, which is insane.
Sighing, I asked, "What's interesting?"
"Despite your protestations, I would say that your lips definitely want . . . me."
I hate Ren. So so so so much.
Kelsey literally runs away from him, and he chases after her like a psychopath. The ship lurches and he physically drags her to the wheelhouse.
We entered at the same time and got stuck together in the door.
Comedy? Slapstick comedy??? After one of the most disturbing scenes of relationship drama that I've ever read in fiction?
The ship lurched again and I fell into the bookcase and hit my head.
Comedy????
Anyway, the ship is under attack! Oh no! There's a giant fish jumping around and trying to tip the boat over. Kelsey zaps it with some lightning, which makes it angry, so it jumps out of the water and tries to eat Ren (do iiiiiiit). It knocks him into the water, so Kishan jumps in to get him out of the water. Kelsey grabs the Scarf and makes a ladder up the side of the boat while zapping the fish as they climb up. Then they drive away, and that's the entire fight scene.
Wow. That was really short and lame.
Anyway, it proved the "obstacles" that the sky disk referred to exist, and Kelsey goes to sulk in her room.
I can't let Ren get me alone. I just don't have the willpower to resist him.
He really is like Kilgrave. It's awful.
She feels the boat start moving again, so she goes to the wheelhouse to sit with Nilima for a little while. Kelsey asks Nilima for some advice, and Nilima tells her to write her feelings down and maybe it will help.
"Then I suggest you write about both of him. Write of their strengths and weaknesses. Record what you love about them. Put down what you wish was different. It may help you to see your thoughts on paper."
So the advice...is to make a pros and cons list. THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT TO AN EPISODE OF FRIENDS.
So she makes a pros and cons list, and notices that Kishan's list is a lot shorter than Ren's, so she spends a lot of time with him trying to fill it out. She even tries to replicate the stupid spooning session she shared with Ren when her lightning powers got supercharged (while they were fixing that star a few chapters ago, if you forgot). Ren, who is apparently spying on them, sees what Kelsey's doing and smirks at her because he's a bastard.
That night while she's sitting out on the deck, Ren shows up and wants to talk to her. It's basically a rehash of their previous conversation where he says that she actually loves him and doesn't love Kishan. She says that he had his chance and that it wouldn't be fair to Kishan to get back together with Ren.
"You're forgetting something, iadala. Love is not a consequence. Love is not a choice. Love is a thirst--a need as vital to the soul as water is to the body. Love is a precious draft [sic: that's "draught," Houck, not "draft"] that not only soothes a parched throat but also vitalizes a man. It fortifies him enough that he is willing to slay dragons for the woman who offers it. Take that draft of love from me, and I will shrivel into dust. To take it from a man dying of thirst and give it to another while he watches is a cruelty I never thought you capable of."
So, basically, "Physical attraction is equal to love. The fact that my love is unrequited is your fault, and refusing to return my feelings is the equivalent of murder." That's, uh. NOT GREAT. Ren seriously feels entitled to Kelsey just because he has feelings for her.
Kelsey says he's being overdramatic (which he most definitely is), and that trade some Shakespeare back and forth.
Ren pressed on, "I die a little death every time we're separated, Kelsey."
I swallowed the guilt and let pride take over. "Lucky for you, cats have nine lives. I only have one life and one heart, and it's been jerked around so much I'm surprised it still beats."
"It would help if you stop offering your heart to every man you meet," he suggested dryly.
"I don't fall in love with every man I meet despite what you think, Mr. Exaggeration." I poked him in the chest. "At least I don't parade scantily-clad suitors with artificial bosoms around. Besides, you pushed me away, not the other way around. It's your own fault."
"Well, I didn't expect that you'd immediately settle down with someone else now, did I? . . ."
Why is he complaining about this? He knew about Kishan's feelings for her! He knew they'd be on the same ship! He told her to date Kishan!
"It's a small ship, I figured. But no, leave Kelsey alone for five minutes, and she suddenly has a line of boyfriends. Every man on board immediately moves in, don't they?"
Ooh, here we have the age-old, "You won't date me, so you're a whore" line of thought. Charming!
He angrily ran a hand through his hair. "I know what I said. It made sense at the time. But even so, a part of me believed you'd never do it."
"I fully intended to stick you in a box until I could date you again, and now I'm mad you didn't wait for me even though that's what I told you to do."
Kelsey says that it's different this time because Kishan's involved now.
"There's always someone else involved. I have to repeatedly bring our relationship, bring us, back from the brink, and frankly, I'm becoming an expert on yanking you away from moving on with other men. How many is it now? Ten? Twenty?"
Seriously. Fuck Ren. Literally one of the worst love interests I've ever had the displeasure of reading about. He's officially irredeemable after this because he's throwing a temper tantrum about Kelsey DOING WHAT HE SAID TO DO. Also, he's conveniently forgetting about the fact that HE DID THE SAME THING. HE WAS LITERALLY PARADING AROUND WOMEN IN BIKINIS DURING THE STAR FESTIVAL, WHICH IS WHAT HE'S UNFAIRLY ACCUSING *KELSEY* OF.
Uh, let's see. They argue for a while and Ren threatens violence, again.
"No! You're just in love with me as I am with you, and if I have to beat that into your thick head then so be it."
What a perfect gentleman.
He starts kissing her (again) and calls her Kate from Taming of the Shrew. Kelsey isn't impressed, which is fair, because I don't think I'd like to be compared to Kate, either.
She leaves and goes to bed, dreaming about Ren hunting her. She wakes up shrieking that she isn't a gazelle, and Kishan makes a weird comment about how long her legs are and how he'd like to chase her around so he can look at them.
Kishan says that they're at the green dragon's island, so it's time to get back to the Plot!
In the next chapter. Because this one's over.
Closing Thoughts
This chapter is so, so bad.
Ren is...well, Ren is a thoroughly unpleasant character who forces advances on Kelsey because she's totally asking for it, guys. He insults her when she refuses him, and pulls out the Nice Guy TM rhetoric, calling her, basically, a whore for moving on and dating one (1) other person after he broke up with her. He equates not dating him with actually killing him and constantly expects her to just drop everything because he didn't expect her to actually do what he said. He's gotten to the point where he could rescue kittens from a burning kitten orphanage, and he'd still be the biggest asshole in the room, because treating someone that you supposedly ~*~love~*~ like he's treating Kelsey is something that he can't come back from.
Kelsey has different problems, but they're still very troubling. Houck, for some goddamn reason, has written Kelsey to constantly resist Ren's advances, but it's okay because she secretly wants to be with him despite not saying anything or acting in a way that would actually demonstrate that to Ren! So what ends up happening is that Ren doesn't actually know that Kelsey loves him and he still literally forces himself on her despite not actually knowing if she's into it. On Kelsey's side of things, the way Houck writes this relationship is incredibly damaging to the young teenage demographic this bullshit is aimed at. Because what it's saying is that if you're physically attracted to someone who treats you the way Ren does, that means you actually love him, and you secretly want him to treat you like that. Because, obviously, physical attraction is synonymous with True Love, and you're meant to be together.
It's actually disgusting.
Granted, it's in character for Ms. "If you have to ask to kiss me, the answer is no," but it still sends a really gross message.
But, hey, at least we're finally getting back to the dragons?
Too bad this next dragon sucks.
Next time, Chapter Nineteen: The Green Dragon's Hunt! More weird mixing of mythology and Kelsey being useless.
Last time, Kelsey and Kishan finally made out, but then Ren crashed their date and threw their stuff overboard, because Ren is a childish asshole. That's literally all that happened (other than some whining from Kelsey about her hurt leg).
This time, the Drama comes to a new height because Ren...has gotten over his mysterious amnesia!
Which wasn't all that mysterious, because we literally watched it happen in real time in the last book. That doesn't stop Kelsey from being confused about it here, though.
Chapter Eighteen: Making Up Is Hard to Do
This sounds like the title to a really bad love ballad from like the 80s. There's synth harp in the background.
Kelsey and Kishan look around for
He descended from above dressed in white, barefoot, his blue eyes blazing, and landed in a crouch.
WHY DOES IT MATTER IF HE'S BAREFOOT OH MY GOD
Take that out of the sentence and it's so much better!
He descended from above dressed in white, his blue eyes blazing, and landed in a crouch.
It gets the point of the scene across so much better without being distracted by Kelsey's weird obsession with his bare feet!!!
He stood slowly and stalked toward us like a dark angel full of the fury of God.
Note: this is a reaction to him crashing their date, destroying their stuff, yelling at them, and threatening them.
Kishan says that Ren's not acting like himself. I beg to differ. This is completely in character for him. Kishan physically stands in front of Kelsey to protect her from Ren, and tells her to run if Ren attacks. Guess
Kishan tells Ren that he won't let him hurt her, and Ren says that he has no interest in hurting Kelsey, but he's going to "destroy" Kishan. Ren starts yelling in Hindi (to preserve suspense, I guess?) and Kishan gets angry and tells Kelsey to run. Just as she's getting ready to run away, Ren collapses, holding his head and screaming.
We get some really repetitive prose again:
I had to go to him. He needed me. His anguish seeped into my body until it became a living entity. I had to vanquish it. I couldn't let him suffer like this, couldn't allow him to feel this pain. I knew somehow that I could destroy this blackness, this darkness that overshadowed his mind, his soul.
"I had to go to him. I had to go to him. I had to stop it. I had to stop it. I had to stop it. I knew I could destroy this blackness, this blackness that overshadowed (because it's black) him him."
It's exhausting to read.
It continues by repeating things over and over:
Under the hurt, under the layers of torment, there was something solid, something strong, something unbreakable. It was back. The bridge between Ren and me had been rebuilt. It was hidden under waves of pain. It was flooded over, but it was there, and it was rock-hard and firm.
Saying the same things with different words makes things more dramatic, right?
I could feel my limbs trembling, echoing his shaky movements.
This is shockingly similar to the bad writing in YIIK, a game that isn't very popular but has a really bad repetition problem. The example being, "I felt the elevator shake, vibrating with motion." Which says the same thing three times without conveying any actual information.
Anyway, Kelsey doesn't actually do anything, but he gets better after a couple of minutes. Kishan asked what happened, and Ren says that "the veil of concealment has been lifted," which is a really weird way of describing amnesia. The conversation goes about as well as you'd expect when these three characters don't have a brain cell between them.
"A veil? What veil?"
"The veil in my mind. The one Durga put there."
"Durga?"
"Yes," he replied softly.
I want to tear my hair out.
He says that he remembers everything now, and he and Kelsey lock eyes and it's very Sultry and Magical. Kishan grabs Kelsey and says that they're going to get Mr. Kadam, and that Ren should stay there. He agrees, so he and Kelsey start leaving. Ren decides to be dumb and asks Kelsey to stay with him. Of course Kishan doesn't let her, because that would be stupid. They have no idea what's happening--it might be a weird plot by Lokesh or something. It isn't, but at least Kishan has the sense to be a bit cautious about it.
Kelsey's basically in shock, which means that while Kishan and Mr. Kadam have the important conversation about what the hell is happening, we're treated to Kelsey purple-ly describing how her ~connection~ with Ren is back and how she's happy about it.
Even as I sat here decks away from him, I could feel the warmth of his presence as if a soft blanket had been wrapped around my soul, around my heart. It held me and protected me. It sheltered me, and I knew I wasn't alone anymore. I'd been like a colander, a bowl that could hold onto the major stuff but the precious liquid drops of emotional connection were constantly draining out of me.
So there's that. Also, did Houck really have to describe a colander as a bowl? We're not idiots, we know what a colander is.
Mr. Kadam says that it looks like Ren's gotten his memories back, and asks Kelsey if she'd like to talk to him now or wait until later. She waffles back and forth.
"Okay." I nodded maniacally. "I should see him, right? You think I should see him, don't you?"
I stood and took a few steps and then turned. "No. Wait. I can't. What do I say to him? How do I explain everything?"
Which is a fair reaction to have, but it doesn't really fit into the whole picture Houck's been trying to paint of Kelsey as grounded/self-possessed/confident/etc. The only consistent character in this series is Ren, and he's just consistently rude and awful. I guess Mr. Kadam too, but he's such a non-character that I don't think he counts.
Kelsey says that she'll see him now if Kishan goes with her. She goes back to her room first and changes out of her date clothes, which she's still wearing after Ren threw his tantrum.
Kishan, even though he told her that he'd be with her while they talked, peaces out and says that he'll meet up if she needs him. Which is something that Ren would never do--Kishan actually trusts Kelsey enough to let her be in the same room as another man. I never thought that this would be how low the bar was, but here we are.
Ren sees that Kelsey is nervous and immediately downplays how uncomfortable she is.
He tilted his head. "You're scared. You don't need to be."
I dropped my gaze to my hands.
He went on, "You're acting like you did when I first revealed myself to you at Phet's house."
"I can't seem to help myself."
"I don't ever want you to be frightened of me, priya."
Hmm, maybe it's reasonable for Kelsey to be a bit nervous around you because 1) she's had several conversations with him (that he now remembers!) where she expressed her fears about being abandoned by someone she loves, which he did by both breaking up with her and losing his memories, 2) Houck still doesn't think we know what caused the amnesia in the first place and keeps telling us that it's because of something Lokesh did, so it's natural to be suspicious when Ren randomly gets his memories back for seemingly no reason, and 3) the fact that when he got his memories back he was seriously trying to kill Kishan. WEIRD.
He says that something triggered his memories to come back, and Kelsey asks what it was. He says it's not important, which is a super suspicious thing to say if Lokesh is involved in any way. I mean, he's not, but Kelsey doesn't know that (even if she should).
Ren says that he did it to himself, and Kelsey asks why. Need I remind you about the conversation from the second book:
"Don't give up! Not when we're so close!"
His eyes shifted. "There is an option I could consider."
"What is it? What option?"
"Durga," he paused, "has offered her protection, but she asks a heavy price. It's not worth it."
"Anything is worth your life! Take it! Don't think twice about it. You can trust Durga. Do it! Whatever the price is, it doesn't matter as long as you survive." [Talk about repetitive dialogue. Oof.]
[snip]
He pressed his forehead to the bars. "The only thing I couldn't bear is if he hurt you. I won't allow it. I won't let him find you, Kelsey. No matter what."
"What do you mean?"
He smiled. "Nothing, my sweet. Don't worry."
And then Kelsey angsts about feeling their ~connection~ break.
Like? In hindsight, seeing that Ren has amnesia, wouldn't it be super obvious what happened? Just, ARGH.
Ren explains what the amnesia did in basically the same terms that you'd be able to figure out on your own given the conversation from the previous book.
"Durga offered to help me block you out and even planted a subliminal aversion to being near you. The idea being that if somehow I was rescued, even then I would stay as far away from you as possible."
"That included you not being able to touch me? The burning you felt?"
"Yes. That way, I'd avoid you, and Lokesh couldn't use me to find you. [snip] Forgetting you was the only way I could really protect you. The only way to save you."
This plan makes no sense. First, when Ren was Lokesh's prisoner, he didn't know where Kelsey was. He was captured in Oregon. It makes sense that Kelsey would go to his mansion, but he had no way of knowing if she would, when she'd leave, what the second prophecy was, where they would go to find the Scarf, anything. LOKESH HIMSELF WAS WAITING FOR THEM TO GET THE SCARF SO HE COULD USE THE MAGICAL VISION OR WHATEVER TO FIND HER.
Second, how would Lokesh use Ren to find them after he escaped? We saw that Lokesh implanted a tracker in Ren's arm, but Ren immediately took it out. If Ren hadn't taken it out, the amnesia/aversion wouldn't have helped protect Kelsey because it's a tracking device, and Ren still hung out with Kelsey ANYWAY. Lokesh didn't try to use any magical means to try to find them after Ren escaped, either, so the amnesia literally did nothing but cause Drama.
Third, what exactly made Ren the only source of this information such that giving him amnesia would completely protect Kelsey? Lokesh didn't care about finding Kelsey until he saw her DURING THE RESCUE MISSION. Why did Lokesh need information about Kelsey when he didn't even plan on doing anything with it? Remember--he wants to capture her so he can father a super-baby or whatever (ick). He only decided to do this AFTER THE RESCUE MISSION.
Yes, he wants the Damon Amulet, so I guess he used Ren as bait to get Kelsey there. But that doesn't require knowing Kelsey's location at all, since he's trying to draw her to him. Which is what happened. Because the amnesia plan only works in the long term if Kelsey succeeded in rescuing Ren, which means that Lokesh would know her location because she'd be at his camp and--
My brain hurts so bad trying to understand how this is supposed to have worked.
Anyway, Ren apologizes for how he treated her during his amnesia and explains what happened from his point of view. This is pointless, because most of what he's talking about is stuff that Kelsey was there for, and we don't get any new information that he hasn't already told her.
"Then one day, the three of you came and saved me. I didn't know who you were. I felt like I should know you, but I couldn't stay around you as a man without great pain. Being around you filled the emptiness though. It was worth the physical pain. I don't think Durga expected that. The emotional pull of you would override the physical discomforts of being close. So we came together again. But this time I was limited, blocked. As a tiger I could be close, be your companion, feel you near, and I fell for you again."
Literally none of that was new information. He says that he broke up with her to prove that they didn't Need each other, and even though he "paraded other women" around her, "all [he] could think about was that cowboy having his hands on you." You know, removing any kind of agency or choice from Kelsey in determining whether she actually liked Wes or not.
Um. There's a troubling bit when he's talking about how he'd give everything up again to protect her, which is. Uh.
"You are more important to me that all the world, and I would sacrifice all of the world to make you happy, to keep you safe. Please believe me when I say that."
Normally the profession of love involving sacrifice involves self sacrifice. Ren is talking about personally destroying the world (using the word "sacrifice," which connotes a very Aztec-like ritualistic killing, which, yikes) for Kelsey. Eek.
It gets worse!
Kelsey says that she believes him and tries to turn in for the night.
"We can talk about this more tomorrow, Ren. It's way past midnight now, and I'm exhausted. Goodnight."
"Goodnight?" he asked, puzzled.
"Yes. Goodnight." I took two steps away from him and felt his hand on my arm.
"Wait. I'll walk with you."
So yeah, Ren seems unhappy with how this conversation turned out.
I quickly glanced away from his confused face and hesitated briefly before I spoke. "Umm . . . you'd better not. Kishan is . . . waiting for me."
His face darkened. "You're . . . still going with him?"
I sighed. "Yes."
"But didn't anything I say make a difference to you?"
[snip]
"I know, Ren, but . . . it doesn't mater. I'm . . . I'm with Kishan now."
He dropped my hand as his blue eyes turned icy. "What do you mean you're with Kishan now?"
Hooooooly shit. This reveals so much about Ren as a character, and it's incredibly ugly. "I said all the right stuff, so why don't you automatically reciprocate my feelings? I'm entitled to a relationship with you because I'm such a nice guy!!!"
This is the ugliest way you can portray a character. AND HE'S THE LOVE INTEREST! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO READ THIS AND THINK IT'S ROMANTIC.
Uh, the only other thing worth mentioning is this kind of funny line:
"I can be with you again. I can touch you."
Hee hee
Kishan meets up with Kelsey back in her room and asks if she's alright. She says she is and he leaves to go to bed. She doesn't sleep very well and wakes up in the morning to Angst about what she should do. It's written in typical Kelsey fashion, which is to say it's complete nonsense.
Ren just wants to pick up where we left off. Can I do that? Can I hurt Kishan like that? Am I that kind of a person? What do I feel for Kishan? More than friendship, surely. He's steady, reliable, comforting. Sheesh! I sound like I'm describing an old car. So what does that mean? He's the Pinto to Ren's Corvette? No. That's not true either. I guess the real question here is what do I feel for Ren?
Why is she talking about cars? What is happening?
She eventually resolves to stay with Kishan because breaking up with him wouldn't be fair to him. And while that's true, I'm not sure trapping him in a loveless relationship is necessarily the better alternative here.
I read that sentence out loud to my sister and the face she made was amazing. That's a really bad simile given how uh, horrific the foot binding practice is. Also, if you look closely, Houck uses the present tense to describe this, implying that this is a thing that she thinks still happens. Yikes.
She's not done with the stupid similes!
Heartstrings fully taut, binding my emotions in place, pinching me like tight stays on a corset, I pulled on some clothes and reluctantly made my way up to the wheelhouse.
Corsets only "pinch" if you tightlace, which was a much less common practice than people think. I can speak from experience, because I've actually worn a corset before.
Kelsey finds a note with a ~"blue silk rose"~ attached to it, so it's obviously from You Know Who. There's a poem and, confusingly, a pair of pearl earrings. Where, uh, where did Ren get those from? They're in the middle of the Spirit World or whatever, and Kelsey generally points out when something is made using the Scarf, which she doesn't do here. Does Ren just carry these around at all times so he can try to guilt Kelsey into dating him when the opportunity arises?
Know you, perchance, how that poor formless wretch--
The Oyster--gems his shallow moonlit chalice?
Where the shell irks him, or the sea-sand frets,
He sheds this lovely lustre on his grief.
--Sir Edwin Arnold
Let me keep my pearl.
--Ren
My dude, you can't "keep" something that isn't yours to begin with. Ren broke up with Kelsey, and Kelsey has decided to stay with Kishan. Ren isn't entitled to Kelsey just because he dated her at one point, no matter how much he thinks he does. (And he definitely does, as we'll see in the future, so that's not just me exaggerating what's happening.)
Luckily, Mr. Kadam is around to save me from this Drama by bringing up the Plot (finally), and he says that he and Kishan have figured out what the markings on the sky disk mean. Basically, they describe a series of "obstacles" between their current position and the next dragon, so it's a map.
Mr. Kadam asks how Kelesy's doing, and Kelsey says that she's not ready to talk about it yet. Mr. Kadam says that she can talk to him about it whenever she's ready, which is kind of a nice character moment for him, and that's the end of that scene, as well as the rest of the Plot for this chapter. Ugh.
Later, Kelsey feels a piece of paper in her jacket pocket, and it's another poem (Sonnet #116, if you're curious). This makes Kelsey angry and she finds Ren to yell at him. She bursts into his room while he's changing and ogles his chest, because fanservice? She asks what he's trying to do and tells him to stop.
"It looks like a Shakespeare poem, Kells. You like Shakespeare so what's the problem?"
"The problem is that I'm no longer entertaining poems from you."
Now this is kind of a stretch (and people like to throw this word around a lot even when it's not necessarily applicable), but Ren really seems like he's gaslighting Kelsey. The poems are obviously an attempt to win her back from Kishan (which even Kelsey picks up on, and she's dumb). So when she confronts him about it, he tries to make her think that her assumption (that the poems are supposed to be romantic) is crazy, because he's obviously just sharing the works of an author she likes with no ulterior motive! There's no problem, so what's the big deal? You're acting like a crazy person and imagining an intent that totally doesn't exist!
It's super manipulative and gross, and I am filled with seething rage.
All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I kept backing up until I hit the wall. He pressed his hands against it on either side of my head and leaned in close to me. I stubbornly thrust out my chin, refusing to be intimidated by him.
He's a psychopath! How that he's not dating Kelsey, he's treating her just like all the guys he threatened for dating her! We're supposed to think this is ROMANTIC!
Ren starts nuzzling her face (uhh...what) and kissing her. Kelsey turns her face away and he continues kissing her neck. I am super uncomfortable, because Kelsey doesn't want to kiss him (well, she does, but she says she doesn't) and she's literally trapped up against a wall by a man who is much stronger than her.
I DON'T LIKE THIS
During all of this Ren is saying quote unquote romantic dialogue that sounds like it's from fucking Hannibal Lecter.
"Mmm, you taste delicious. Do you know how good it feels to be able to touch you without pain? To kiss you?" He pressed tingling kisses along the length of my jaw, and whispered, "I want to drown in the pleasure of being close to you."
It gets worse!
Kelsey physically pushes him away using "all [her] strength" but he refuses to leave her alone! THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING, HOUCK!
"That's it, Ren. I mean it. Read . . . my . . . lips. I want Kishan. Not you."
Now, if you're a normal person, you would interpret that as Kelsey saying she wants Ren to leave her alone.
Ren, of course, interprets this as an invitation to kiss her. He's, um, pretty rough about it too.
Suddenly, he yanked me into his arms. One of his hands splayed against my back, and the other slipped into my hair. He angled my head and crushed his mouth against mine.
Kelsey, of course, loves it. I'll get into why this S U C K S at the end of the chapter.
He was like the ocean, so vast, so full of life, so essential to the world. So essential to my world.
Ughhh
Um, there's a lot of prose so purple it goes into ultraviolet, and it's all wrapped up in this really overwritten ocean metaphor.
But I was cherished by this dark Poseidon, and though he had the power to crush me utterly, to drown my in the purple depths of his wake, he held me aloft, separate.
I...what?
Dark Poseidon???
HUH????
This all goes on for five paragraphs, which is insane.
Sighing, I asked, "What's interesting?"
"Despite your protestations, I would say that your lips definitely want . . . me."
I hate Ren. So so so so much.
Kelsey literally runs away from him, and he chases after her like a psychopath. The ship lurches and he physically drags her to the wheelhouse.
We entered at the same time and got stuck together in the door.
Comedy? Slapstick comedy??? After one of the most disturbing scenes of relationship drama that I've ever read in fiction?
The ship lurched again and I fell into the bookcase and hit my head.
Comedy????
Anyway, the ship is under attack! Oh no! There's a giant fish jumping around and trying to tip the boat over. Kelsey zaps it with some lightning, which makes it angry, so it jumps out of the water and tries to eat Ren (do iiiiiiit). It knocks him into the water, so Kishan jumps in to get him out of the water. Kelsey grabs the Scarf and makes a ladder up the side of the boat while zapping the fish as they climb up. Then they drive away, and that's the entire fight scene.
Wow. That was really short and lame.
Anyway, it proved the "obstacles" that the sky disk referred to exist, and Kelsey goes to sulk in her room.
I can't let Ren get me alone. I just don't have the willpower to resist him.
He really is like Kilgrave. It's awful.
She feels the boat start moving again, so she goes to the wheelhouse to sit with Nilima for a little while. Kelsey asks Nilima for some advice, and Nilima tells her to write her feelings down and maybe it will help.
"Then I suggest you write about both of him. Write of their strengths and weaknesses. Record what you love about them. Put down what you wish was different. It may help you to see your thoughts on paper."
So the advice...is to make a pros and cons list. THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT TO AN EPISODE OF FRIENDS.
So she makes a pros and cons list, and notices that Kishan's list is a lot shorter than Ren's, so she spends a lot of time with him trying to fill it out. She even tries to replicate the stupid spooning session she shared with Ren when her lightning powers got supercharged (while they were fixing that star a few chapters ago, if you forgot). Ren, who is apparently spying on them, sees what Kelsey's doing and smirks at her because he's a bastard.
That night while she's sitting out on the deck, Ren shows up and wants to talk to her. It's basically a rehash of their previous conversation where he says that she actually loves him and doesn't love Kishan. She says that he had his chance and that it wouldn't be fair to Kishan to get back together with Ren.
"You're forgetting something, iadala. Love is not a consequence. Love is not a choice. Love is a thirst--a need as vital to the soul as water is to the body. Love is a precious draft [sic: that's "draught," Houck, not "draft"] that not only soothes a parched throat but also vitalizes a man. It fortifies him enough that he is willing to slay dragons for the woman who offers it. Take that draft of love from me, and I will shrivel into dust. To take it from a man dying of thirst and give it to another while he watches is a cruelty I never thought you capable of."
So, basically, "Physical attraction is equal to love. The fact that my love is unrequited is your fault, and refusing to return my feelings is the equivalent of murder." That's, uh. NOT GREAT. Ren seriously feels entitled to Kelsey just because he has feelings for her.
Kelsey says he's being overdramatic (which he most definitely is), and that trade some Shakespeare back and forth.
Ren pressed on, "I die a little death every time we're separated, Kelsey."
I swallowed the guilt and let pride take over. "Lucky for you, cats have nine lives. I only have one life and one heart, and it's been jerked around so much I'm surprised it still beats."
"It would help if you stop offering your heart to every man you meet," he suggested dryly.
"I don't fall in love with every man I meet despite what you think, Mr. Exaggeration." I poked him in the chest. "At least I don't parade scantily-clad suitors with artificial bosoms around. Besides, you pushed me away, not the other way around. It's your own fault."
"Well, I didn't expect that you'd immediately settle down with someone else now, did I? . . ."
Why is he complaining about this? He knew about Kishan's feelings for her! He knew they'd be on the same ship! He told her to date Kishan!
"It's a small ship, I figured. But no, leave Kelsey alone for five minutes, and she suddenly has a line of boyfriends. Every man on board immediately moves in, don't they?"
Ooh, here we have the age-old, "You won't date me, so you're a whore" line of thought. Charming!
He angrily ran a hand through his hair. "I know what I said. It made sense at the time. But even so, a part of me believed you'd never do it."
"I fully intended to stick you in a box until I could date you again, and now I'm mad you didn't wait for me even though that's what I told you to do."
Kelsey says that it's different this time because Kishan's involved now.
"There's always someone else involved. I have to repeatedly bring our relationship, bring us, back from the brink, and frankly, I'm becoming an expert on yanking you away from moving on with other men. How many is it now? Ten? Twenty?"
Seriously. Fuck Ren. Literally one of the worst love interests I've ever had the displeasure of reading about. He's officially irredeemable after this because he's throwing a temper tantrum about Kelsey DOING WHAT HE SAID TO DO. Also, he's conveniently forgetting about the fact that HE DID THE SAME THING. HE WAS LITERALLY PARADING AROUND WOMEN IN BIKINIS DURING THE STAR FESTIVAL, WHICH IS WHAT HE'S UNFAIRLY ACCUSING *KELSEY* OF.
Uh, let's see. They argue for a while and Ren threatens violence, again.
"No! You're just in love with me as I am with you, and if I have to beat that into your thick head then so be it."
What a perfect gentleman.
He starts kissing her (again) and calls her Kate from Taming of the Shrew. Kelsey isn't impressed, which is fair, because I don't think I'd like to be compared to Kate, either.
She leaves and goes to bed, dreaming about Ren hunting her. She wakes up shrieking that she isn't a gazelle, and Kishan makes a weird comment about how long her legs are and how he'd like to chase her around so he can look at them.
Kishan says that they're at the green dragon's island, so it's time to get back to the Plot!
In the next chapter. Because this one's over.
Closing Thoughts
This chapter is so, so bad.
Ren is...well, Ren is a thoroughly unpleasant character who forces advances on Kelsey because she's totally asking for it, guys. He insults her when she refuses him, and pulls out the Nice Guy TM rhetoric, calling her, basically, a whore for moving on and dating one (1) other person after he broke up with her. He equates not dating him with actually killing him and constantly expects her to just drop everything because he didn't expect her to actually do what he said. He's gotten to the point where he could rescue kittens from a burning kitten orphanage, and he'd still be the biggest asshole in the room, because treating someone that you supposedly ~*~love~*~ like he's treating Kelsey is something that he can't come back from.
Kelsey has different problems, but they're still very troubling. Houck, for some goddamn reason, has written Kelsey to constantly resist Ren's advances, but it's okay because she secretly wants to be with him despite not saying anything or acting in a way that would actually demonstrate that to Ren! So what ends up happening is that Ren doesn't actually know that Kelsey loves him and he still literally forces himself on her despite not actually knowing if she's into it. On Kelsey's side of things, the way Houck writes this relationship is incredibly damaging to the young teenage demographic this bullshit is aimed at. Because what it's saying is that if you're physically attracted to someone who treats you the way Ren does, that means you actually love him, and you secretly want him to treat you like that. Because, obviously, physical attraction is synonymous with True Love, and you're meant to be together.
It's actually disgusting.
Granted, it's in character for Ms. "If you have to ask to kiss me, the answer is no," but it still sends a really gross message.
But, hey, at least we're finally getting back to the dragons?
Too bad this next dragon sucks.
Next time, Chapter Nineteen: The Green Dragon's Hunt! More weird mixing of mythology and Kelsey being useless.
I liked the YIIK reference. YIIK is a good story told badly by a hipster.
ReplyDeleteTHIS story is a bad story told by an incel. The seething hatred for women and lack of belief in men's self-control really stands out. I don't understand how a woman could write this novel: maybe Colleen Houck is actually a genius.