Chapter 2: Getting Reacquainted

Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!
Last time, we had a semi-okay chapter about Kelsey's new and awkward dynamic with Ren now that he has amnesia and doesn't remember her.  "Semi-okay" is dependent on the assumption that you're on board with the whole amnesia thing in the first place.  I think I explained why I am emphatically not okay with it in the last chapter.

Anyway!  This time, Houck gives us a monster of a chapter where...not much happens.  Houck explores Ren's mysterious aversion to Kelsey a bit more.  Uh, lots of light flirting with both brothers?  Let's get into it.

Chapter Two: Getting Reacquainted

Hey, wasn't Ren and Kelsey's relationship just so compelling that you wished you could experience it all over again?  But worse because it's the result of a forced amnesia subplot?  No?  Too bad!

A few days after overhearing Ren and Kishan's conversation about how great Kelsey is, Mr. Kadam calls them to meet in the kitchen.  No, it's not about Lokesh, but he does have an idea for how to avoid the problem they had before about not being able to find Ren--tracking devices.  He pulls out a box.

Inside was a black velvet bundle that unrolled to reveal five thick syringes with needles the size of a giant porcupine quill.

"The syringes were the size of something most people don't have a reference for off the top of their heads, forcing this sporker to find a picture from the internet."

These seem...too big.

So, yeah, they're going to tag everyone with tracking devices in case they get captured again.  Woo.

Hey, do you want to know about RFID tags, in detail, even though literally none of the information is useful or comes back later as a plot point?  No?

Too bad!  Mr. Kadam is here to exposit about nonsense again!

His info dump goes on for like two pages.

They're usually used to track animals.  Kelsey, because she's an idiot, asks if its for whales and sharks.  Mr. Kadam says that those kinds of animals get different tags that are designed to fall off after a while.  Ren comments that it looks similar to what Lokesh used to tag Ren.  Now, this could have been an interesting plot point if Ren wasn't aware that Lokesh could track him, but this idea was promptly abandoned when Ren dug it out of his arm right after being rescued.

Which begs the question, why did Lokesh tag Ren in the first place when Ren was captured and being held in a single location that he couldn't escape from?  And then let him know that he was being tagged, which let him destroy the tracking device instantaneously upon rescue?  Lokesh is dumb, too.

Kelsey complains (shocker, I know) about how it looks like it would hurt to inject.  Mr. Kadam says that they don't have to use them if they're not comfortable with it, but Ren thinks they should, so they do.  Mr. Kadam further exposits that they're similar to the microchips implanted in pets, which contain a serial number for identification.  He further exposits that the chips are encased in "biocompatible glass" to protect the chips from the moisture inside the body, and that RFID tag use is not widespread in humans.  However, they're being used more for medical history to provide quick access to allergies and current medications.

None of this matters in the slightest, and Mr. Kadam is literally just talking to create filler.

Mr. Kadam injects one of the tags into Kishan's arm, and Kelsey wusses out, unable to look at it.

I mean, hey, I wouldn't like to see it either, but I also haven't been literally killed by vampiric monkey spirits or mauled by a bear.  It's not that bad.

Hey, did you want to hear about the tags they use for whales and sharks now, even though that's even less relevant than the RFID tag information?  Mr. Kadam is still talking, so you will whether you want to or not!

Large marine animals (like whales) get satellite tags that transmit GPS coordinates, depth, and speed.  They're external and attached to a battery, which is designed to detach once the charge is gone.

Mr. Kadam calls Ren over and begins prepping him for tagging.  He's still not done talking.

He further exposits that there are some internal tags given to marine animals that record pretty much the same thing, as well as things like heart rate and body temperature.

Hey, Houck, WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME READ THIS???  It's so booooringggggg

Mr. Kadam finishes up with Ren, who tries to reassure Kelsey by saying, "Easy as peach pie."  Er, isn't the expression just "easy as pie"?  It's not nearly as bad as the stupid "alligator tears" thing in the last book, but it's still...odd enough that it's distracting.

Mr. Kadam says that the tags he's using right now aren't on the market because most people don't want ID tags implanted into their skin because of the possibility of identity theft and government surveillance.  No mention of the somewhat sizable portion of wingnuts who think RFID tags will usher in the apocalypse by representing the number of the beast in the book of Revelation.

"Almost every technological development can be used for either the benefit or detriment of mankind."

We live in a society.

Anyway, Mr. Kadam explains that he got them through his mysterious "military contacts," and totally not the black market, you guys.  Anyway, their tags are super special and can do everything he just long-windedly described and more, such as transmitting constantly and below sea level.  Goody.

Now it's Kelsey's turn!  She freaks out and Mr. Kadam talks her through the procedure.  He applies a topical numbing agent and warns her that it's still hurt a bit.  Kishan takes her hand because Shipping.  Kelsey almost passes out and realizes that she's afraid of needles.  Does this ever come back?  No!

Kelsey looks at Ren, who smiles at her and her pain ~magically disappears~ because Kelsey's brain is physically incapable of focusing on two things at the same time.  Ooh, Ren smiled at me, I can no longer feel pain!

She imagines...poking his face (but, like, in a sexy way?) and feels their emotional connection spark back up faintly.  You know, this emotional connection, which is apparently now a Thing, even though it wasn't really in the last book.  I thought her description of feeling the connection sever when the amnesia kicked in was poetic, I didn't know she meant it was an actual thing!

(Also, what happened to the dumb little "love plant" analogy in the first book?  Yeah, it was dumb, but it was more specific than a vague ~emotional connection~ or whatever.)

I wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, a flicker of something real, or something I fabricated, but it captured all of my attention.

This isn't the first time the phrase "it captured my attention" has been used, and it sure has been awkward every time.

My entire being was focused on Ren, to the point that when Mr. Kadam pulled out the needle and replaced it with a cotton ball, I realized that I'd dropped Kishan's hand completely.

This is a hysterical image.  Just Kelsey gazing open-mouthed at Ren like a dead fish because all of her mental real estate is taken up with "Ren is hot."

Anyway, Kishan preps Mr. Kadam for tagging while he talks even more!  They can access each other's tags with cell phones, which he hands out to everyone.

A couple minutes later, Mr. Kadam gives Kelsey some aspirin.  THE RETURN OF MY NEMESIS.  WHY DOES SHE TAKE ASPIRIN FOR EVERYTHING.  TYLENOL, ALEVE, IBUPROFIN--THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER CHOICES!!!

Kelsey tries to fall asleep but is unable to because she isn't comfy, which means we get to hear her complain more.  Ren knocks on her door and she invites him in.  Kelsey asks he wants to go out and talk on the veranda, but Kishan's out there, a thing he just does now.  This is slightly justified with the whole Lokesh situation, but it's still weirdly possessive.  He asks how her hand is doing, I think just so that he can show off the fact that his is already healed.  Rub it in, Ren.

Nah, it's actually just an excuse to hold her hand, because Shipping.  Kelsey blushes so he pokes her in the face (but in, like, a sexy way), which makes her blush more.

"You're blushing."

Yeah, Ren, we're aware.  Kelsey just described it to us.

Kelsey apologizes and Ren says that it's not a problem because "[i]t's . . . quite becoming."  THRILL as you read about the same romance for the second time!  Because Ren is totally all over her right away, despite not remembering her at all and being physically repulsed by her presence.

Oh, yeah.  His mentioning that he feels a "need to escape" when he's around her?  That wasn't metaphorical.  Kelsey notices a bead of sweat on his forehead and asks what's wrong.  She asks what's going on, and Ren clarifies that he literally feels like something's burning inside when he makes physical contact with her and feels really sick when he's in the same room--throbbing headache, nausea, the works.

Kelsey sends him to the other side of the room to test how range affects the physical reaction.  It kicks in if he looks at her, but the farther away he is the better he feels.  Touching her at all is excruciating, apparently, like "red hot coals."

Now that Ren is on the other side of the room, Kelsey's brain can function and she says, hey, you touched my foot at the end of the last book and you were fine!  Ren says that it was on a pillow and he barely touched it, and it still hurt.  He just didn't notice because he was still in so much pain from being tortured for five-ish straight months.

Man, watching Houck scramble over herself to try to retroactively explain things instead of actually planning things out beforehand is so fun.

Kelsey continues to ask questions about Ren's feeling to escape.  Even from a distance, the longer she's in range the more the feeling builds until he has to leave.

"Hmm, maybe you have PTSD."

"What's that?"

Oh no.  Kelsey, an idiot, is about to try to explain what PTSD is.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder.  It's a condition you get when you've been exposed to terrible trauma and high stress levels.  Soldiers in combat usually have it. [. . .]"

The way this is phrased, it sounds like Kelsey is saying that the majority of soldiers in combat have PTSD, rather than (correctly) saying that people who have PTSD are usually soldiers in combat.  As my Civil Procedure professor was fond of saying, WORDS MEAN THINGS!  You can't" just slap them together and hope what you're trying to say gets through, at least when you're writing a book!

"Remember when you told Kishan that when you heard my name, all you could picture was Lokesh torturing you, questioning you?"

"Right.  There's still some of that, I guess.  But now that I know you better I don't associate you with him as much anymore. [. . .]"

Because that's how a complex psychological disorder like PTSD works!  You just get over it with no effort!

Kelsey says that they should think about getting him a therapist, and Ren laughs and tells her that any therapist would think he was crazy for saying he was a tiger.  He also says that he was also a soldier so he's used to violence.

"It wasn't the first time Lokesh has tortured me."

Holy shit, how did I miss this the first time I read the book?  Lokesh has apparently DONE THIS BEFORE?  WHEN?

I'm not kidding, when would Lokesh have had the ability to torture Ren extensively before?  He only revealed that he was an antagonist right when he turned Ren into a tiger.  Ren immediately escaped and lived in hiding for three hundred years in various zoos and circuses.  None of which involved Lokesh in any way.

This is a crazy thing to just drop into dialogue with no further explanation.  One of our protagonists has been tortured more than once by the same person and no one else mentions this.

Anyway.  Ren's magically over any PTSD he got from being tortured for months.

He's been talking with Kishan about things too (which happens off-screen, natch, because that would be an interesting conversation).  Kishan's been telling Ren about their experiences with Kelsey to try to help him remember.  He's also talked about Yesubai and about how he and Kelsey have become close.  Kelsey quickly changes the subject and says that if being around her causes pain, they should probably just avoid each other.

Ren says that's dumb and decides to build up a tolerance.  He sits back down on the bed and asks Kelsey to tell him about their first date.  This is the stuff I hate about amnesia plots, folks.  Now I have to read a summary of a thing I already read and didn't like.

Anyway, she tells him about the date he literally forced her into participating in at the end of the first book.  How romantic.  He doesn't remember anything involving her, but he remembers eating at the restaurant and feeling happy.  The summary goes on for a really long time, and the only really worthwhile thing I'm getting out of it is the fact that Ren seems really stuck on the fact that he was flirting with the waitress and he can't remember doing it.  Kelsey threatens to punch him and make him sick because he seems satisfied that the waitress was into him, and they start play-fighting, because this book is dumb.

When she gets too close, he doubles over in pain and says that it's about all he can take for the night.  I, too, would be looking for a convenient excuse to get away from Kelsey.

A few days later, our tiger's curse adventure started up again.

Uh,  title drop?  Woo hoo?

Also, YAY NOT AS MUCH FILLER AS THE OTHER BOOKS.  STILL SOME BUT IT'S ONLY THE SECOND CHAPTER AND WE'RE DOING PLOT STUFF!

We set off to visit the shaman Phet who had finally replied to Mr. Kadam's courier and indicated that he wanted to see "Tigers, Kahl-see, and Durga's special gifts."

Nooooo not Phet, he's the worst.

Kelsey hopes that Phet will be able to reverse Ren's amnesia.  They pack up their gifts and weapons in the Jeep and get ready to head out to Phet's hut.

We were all wearing hiking boots and smooth seamless cargo pants that Ren had made with the Divine Scarf.

"Clothe all of India" who?

Ren apparently did some research online to make the clothing super awesome and he's such a good designer, you guys.  Kelsey wears matching hair ribbons to show that she likes the color he picked out.

Kishan wore a brick-red shirt of the same fabric, but it had a pocket on the side seam, while Ren wore a seamless cerulean-blue shirt that clung to his muscular frame.

Gee I care so much about the fact that Kishan's shirt has a pocket and Ren's doesn't.

Kelsey teases Ren about how tight his shirt is and asks if he can even breathe in it.  So I guess he looks like he's fucking vacuum-sealed in, which is pretty funny.

Kishan jumps in the car, and Ren whispers in Kelsey's ear that her shirt is pretty tight as well, which makes her blush.  Not enough YA love interests point out the protagonist's boobs.

Kelsey avoids getting into a conversation with either of them in the car, but she listens into theirs and is surprised at how nice they're being to each other.  Kishan explains what happened when Ren and Kelsey met Phet the first time.  Ren remembers seeing Phet, but doesn't remember Kelsey being there.

Then, despite the fact that Kelsey just said she avoided talking with them, she says that she tells Ren about the amulet she's wearing and the henna tattoo that Phet gave her and how the tattoo lets them get into the magical cities so they can get the MacGuffins.

Gee, it sure is fun to read stuff that I already know.

They get to the Yawal Animal Sanctuary (even though THEIR MANSION IS INSIDE THE SANCTUARY--CONSISTENCY, WHAT'S THAT?) and Ren takes off to get away from Kelsey after spending so long in the car with her.  As they hike, Kishan reminisces about hiking through the jungle with Kelsey in Shangri-la.  He says that he likes being alone with her, and confesses that he heard her conversation with Ren a few nights before.  He empathizes with her about how it sucks, and lets her know that he's there if she needs him.  Then he takes her hand, just in case you didn't get the fact that he's in love with her.

As they hike, Kelsey compares Ren with Kishan yet again, which I'm sick of.  Anyway, when they were in Oregon, Ren would talk pretty much constantly because he hated not being able to communicate with anyone as a tiger.  Kishan's the opposite, and likes to live in the moment.  There, I summarized another page of waffling.

They catch up with Ren at Suki lake (which still has a very Japanese name), who doesn't like the fact that she and Kishan are holding hands.

"It's about time you two caught up.  You're slower than honey in the refrigerator. [. . .]"

That is...a weird simile.

They get ready for lunch, and Kelsey whips out the Golden Fruit.  Ren tells her to give him whatever.

"I thought you didn't like my cooking."

Yeah, it's not cooking if you're magically conjuring food out of thin air.

Ren asks for chocolate and peanut butter cookies, because that's a joke or something?  I have no idea if it's supposed to be funny.

Note that it's Kelsey's job to get food ready because she's the Designated Girl of the group.  It's fine.  I'm fine.

When she finishes laying out a picnic blanket, the two boys come over and go immediately for the food.  Kelsey stops them and makes them wipe their hands with "bacterial" wipes.  Not anti-bacterial wipes, which means I guess they're spreading E. coli around.

This is also weird--why is Houck insisting on making Kelsey's relationship with her two boyfriends maternal?  It's super incesty and gross!

She also gets annoyed with them for eating so much food, even though she has a magical object that can create unlimited amounts of food with a thought, because Houck still thinks Man Eats Lots is a good joke.

Ren and Kishan start trading stories about the different foods they ate as tigers--buffalo, boars, jackals, etc.  This ruins Kelsey's appetite, and Ren makes a "joke" that Kelsey's about the right size to hunt and eat, to which Kishan agrees.  They jokingly offer to play hide and seek, which Kelsey declines.  She does say she wouldn't run away from them, to which Ren responds that the chase is the fun part of a hunt, but the capture would be the fun part of hunting Kelsey, which makes her blush again.

Ren sure likes making dirty jokes in a book that won't deign to use the word "sex."

Kelsey makes a tent with the Scarf, and they get ready to spend the night and meet Phet in the morning.  Kelsey's a bit overheated, so Kishan gets a cool cloth of water (out of the ether apparently, because it's not like they have a refrigerator on hand), and Kelsey jokes that she should make a milk bath with the Fruit to cool off a bit.

Kishan considered and grinned.  "A giant bowlful of milk with you in the middle might be a little to much for us cats to resist."

Kinky.

Anyway, she complains that the tent is too hot and goes to sleep outside with Ren and Kishan.  She falls asleep with her head on Kishan's back, because Shipping.

She wakes up the next morning asleep on Ren.  She immediately apologizes if she hurt him, and he says it didn't hurt when he was a tiger, for Reasons.  I don't have any idea why that is, and I've read this book twice.

He turns into a tiger and rubs up against her leg and starts purring, which is a Thing.

Kishan cleared his throat, stood, and stretched.  "Since the two of you are . . . getting reacquainted, I'm going to stretch my legs a little, maybe do a little stalking just for fun.

CHAPTER TITLE DROP!  Also, yes, his dialogue is missing quotation marks at the end, because this book was edited by monkeys!

Kelsey pulls up the cell phone tracker to figure out how it works, which would have probably been a good idea to do before leaving on the mission in case Lokesh shows up again.  But whatever.

After a little while of this, Ren tells her to get into the tent and zip it up.

"It doesn't have zippers.  The Scarf can't make them.  What's out there?"

Yeah, it might not be able to make metal, but it can make a non-metal zipper.  It was able to make a near-perfect replica of a jade stone!  Even if that's not the case, it can't make fabric ties or velcro?  This is dumb, and it doesn't even matter that it doesn't have a zipper.  It's just here to waste my time and not make sense.

But anyway, there's a cobra, because Houck realized that they were in the jungle without getting attacked by a random panther, or a random rock falling out of the sky.  So now we have a tepid little random animal encounter!  Joy.

Ren growls at the snake, which makes it raise its head and show off its underbelly.  Why would a snake, even a cobra, try to attack a tiger?  They eat like...mice and birds.

Anyway, it shows off its hood and spits venom at Ren, narrowly missing his eyes.  Kelsey shouts that it's aiming for his eyes, and sees that her bag starts moving.  Fanindra slithers out and opens her hood at the cobra, which rubs up against her and leaves.  Gee, that sure was pointless.

Wait, it had a point.  It's so we can have this conversation:

"She calmed him down pretty quickly."

The tent had become dark.  Ren's blue eyes and smile flashed in the dimness.  I felt a light touch on my jaw.  "Pretty women have that effect on men."

Because everything has to relate back to romance!

Also, yes, the entire point of that scene was to show us again that Ren still loves Kelsey even though he doesn't remember her.

Kishan gets back and makes a weird noise as he enters the camp.  Kelsey asks what it was, and Ren tells her that it's called "chuffing," which tigers do as a greeting.

If you're curious.

Kelsey points out that Ren never did that to her.

He shrugged.  "Never wanted to, I guess."

Wow, pointless!  Actually, it seems like Houck did some actual research on tiger behavior and wanted to show it off.

Now, we have a weird little bit:

Kishan grunted.  "Is that what it's called?"  He elbowed Ren.  "Now I guess I know what all those lady tigers were saying.  Where did you learn that?"

Yeah, Kishan doesn't know what it means even though he was the one doing it?  Why would he chuff if he has no idea what it means?  Well, the joke is that he's hot by tiger standards, har har.

Ren asks if there's anything he'd like to share about all the lady tigers, and asks if he's an uncle.  Kelsey steps in and threatens to tell Kishan about the breeding program the zoos tried out with Ren.

Ha ha, what a humorous little aside!  Seriously, though, this would be fine if it ended here, but Houck takes it just a bit too far into just being annoying, like she does with most of the jokes in this series.

"Fine," I sighed.  "Let's get this all out in the open.  Kishan, did you ever engage in any . . . promiscuous activities with female tigers?"

"What do you think?"

"Just answer the question."

"Of course not!"

"That's what I thought.  Ren, I already know you didn't either, though the zoo tried very hard to get you to breed.  Now no more teasing or fighting about that subject, or I'll shock you with lightning.  I expect you both to be on your best off-the-leash behavior."  I grinned.  "Hmm . . . perhaps we shoud invest in shock collars for the two of you.  Nah, better not.  It would be way too tempting for me."

So yeah, that's a conversation in the book.  Also, someone needs to tell Houck that people don't just speak in paragraphs during a conversation.

Anyway, Kelsey tells them a story before bed, because that's a Thing she does now after the second book.  We don't have to read the whole thing this time around, but we do get a summary of the story with the lion and the mouse (which Kelsey changes to a tiger and a porcupine quill).  The two start talking about kill stories, which Kelsey doesn't like (although this one is also mercifully summarized, because this chapter is Too Long).

Later that night, Kelsey keeps tossing and turning in the tent, and Kishan pokes his head in.  She says that she sleeps better in the jungle with a tiger nearby.  Kishan turns into a tiger and she snuggles up against him.  Ren, because he's annoying, pushes his way into the tent as well and sprawls out on top of Kelsey, so she uses the Scarf to make the tent bigger.  Kelsey kisses the top of Kishan's head, and Ren sticks his head into her face until she kisses him, too.  Comedy?

Anyway, the chapter ends with Ren purring, which is a thing tigers cannot do.  Kelsey goes to sleep, and I'm done with this chapter.

Closing Thoughts

Yeah, this chapter is mostly filler, especially when I don't remember the tags actually coming into play in this book at all (although I think they do in book four).  But at least they're going to meet up with Phet for Plot stuff in the next chapter!  And I'll excuse some of the filler because it's about Kelsey renegotiating her relationship with Ren, which is something that would actually happen in this situation.  However, any points I give it for that reason are immediately taken away because it's done in such a boring way!

Ren is physically unable to be around her as a human, and he's still all over her!  Their relationship is almost identical to their relationship in the first book!  That's boring!

Not to mention the implications involved in Ren's actions.  He's unable to be with her for longer than a few minutes at a time--it is physically impossible to date her.  But he still doesn't like it when other people express interest in her or even touch her.  It's a gross "If I can't have her, nobody can" mentality that's never actually explored in the book because Houck bends over backwards so much to tell us how Great and Nice Ren is, even when his actions show us the exact opposite!

Anyway, next time, Chapter Three: Phet!  Yoda's back, and his purpose is to make me want to kill myself with badly-written dialect and to give Kelsey relationship advice.

But still!  Chapter three and we already have plot stuff happening!