Chapter 6: The Star Festival

Hello, and welcome back to our irregularly scheduled nonsense!

Last time...well, nothing really happened.  Plot-wise, I mean.  Well, they talked about the prophecy some, and they have some idea of where they need to go, but that was really it.  Other than that, we just got to witness really awkward flirting.  We also got to witness Ren starting to show his true colors a bit--and he's an asshole.  And I really do mean that he's only starting to suck--he really becomes an irredeemable bastard later in this book.

This time, more awkward flirting and filler!  Oh boy!

Actually, before I get started, I'd like to issue a slight correction to what I wrote last time regarding the Parvati-Shiva story.  You know, the one with the shark.  I said that Houck seems to have made the entire thing up from nothing with only a very sketchy website as inspiration.  That's not entirely correct.  I refined my Google searching after thinking about it a bit more, and I was able to come across a more reputable source for the Nandi Shiva shark thing.  I mean, it's still Wikipedia, but it's usually a decent source for mythology and religious beliefs.

The problem is that I assumed Indra was involved in the story in any way, which he very much isn't.  So searching for a story with both Shiva and Indra with these facts won't turn anything up.  If you cut Indra out, the story makes a lot more sense--Nandi turned into a large fish/whale, and Shiva pretended to kill him in order to win Parvati back because he missed her.  Also, the reason Parvati was a mortal in the first place seems to be different--it looks like she wasn't punished for not loving her husband enough (which has, uh, troubling implications).  In actuality, she was sent to be a mortal to atone for not paying attention to her husband's explanation of the vedas, which is kind of a big deal when her husband is Shiva.  The real version only has one god-turned shark, which really makes a lot more sense.  Also, there's no necklace, but I give Houck a pass on this one because the idea of Durga's MacGuffins in general is okay, even if they have nothing to do with this story.

I was correct in thinking it was fucking stupid that Houck just clumsily shoved Indra into the story.  It's literally only to manufacture a love triangle and I Hate It So Much.

So, uh.  My bad!

Unrelated to this book, though, I found a story that Houck clearly lifted elements from in the fourth book (namely, the abduction of Sita by Ravana).  Normally, this would be fine, since that's basically how the entire Percy Jackson series operates (which is Really Good at referencing Greek mythology without hitting you over the head with it), but it seems super scummy to me here.  That's because in every other instance, Houck likes to flex that she's done research by making the character say, "Hey, this is just like when [X] did [Y] in [Z] story!"  She...doesn't do that with this one, and things just play out in the narrative.  Which really makes me think she's trying to pass it off as her own plot when every other reference to mythology is explicitly spelled out.

But that's a problem for later.

Chapter Six: The Star Festival

Mr. Kadam explains that they'll get on the yacht in Mumbai, sail around the coast of India, and pick up their instructor in Goa.  He'll teach them how to dive until they drop him off and they can continue on to the City of Seven Pagodas.  Kelsey is surprised that they're leaving so soon (as am I, because we're already leaving for the Plot and we're only 20% of the way through the book).  Mr. Kadam assures her that they'll still have plenty of time for nonsense filler because they'll "be traveling fairly slowly."  Awesome.  Filler on a boat.

Mr. Kadam even points out that they're capable of getting there in a couple of days, but he's deliberately traveling slowly so they can learn how to dive.  Which would make sense if they weren't being actively pursued by the bad guy in a giant boat with an easily identifiable name around the coast at a snail's pace.  Because the yacht is called the Deschen.  Yeah, the woman Lokesh obsessed about, since she's REN AND KISHAN'S MOTHER, as he helpfully told us in the prologue.  HOW HAS HE NOT FOUND THEM YET?

Also, even though time is supposedly of the essence, they're not leaving for another week, because Houck really likes writing filler.  No, they're waiting for the Star Festival, so they can celebrate that instead of doing anything useful!  Kelsey asks what the Star Festival is, and Ren says that it's the Chinese equivalent to Valentine's Day.

"What happens during the Star Festival?  What are the traditions?"
"Let me ask the same question twice in a row with decreasing quality!"

Kishan says that it's been a couple centuries since he's celebrated, but there's fireworks, food, dancing, and girls.  So, uh, like every generic holiday ever.  Neat.

Ren cuts in and says that it's for people to wish for the person they want to marry, because now Houck's worldbuilding is bending over to accomodate Kelsey's love triangle.  Then Ren exposits about the holiday in China, which is called the Night of Sevens.  And there's just so much wrong with this explanation:

"In China it's called the Night of Sevens and is supposed to occur on the seventh day in the seventh month of the year, but the date isn't as important as the stars. [. . .]"

Except, uh, the position of the stars is entirely dependent on the date, because that's how astronomy works.  The stars will be in the same position at that time of the year because...that's where they are at on this date in the lunar calendar.

"The celebration begins when the stars Orihime and Hikoboshi align, so when you write your wish, you are literally wishing on a star. [. . .]"

Orihime.  And.  Hikoboshi.

For those unfamiliar with Asian lanugages, these are Japanese names.  This is a Chinese holiday.  Japanese is not the same as Chinese.  This book is stupid.

Hey, time to flex my research, which I can do because this is my blog and not a novel!  There is a Chinese holiday called the Qixi Festival, which can be translated as either the Night of Sevens or the Double Sevens festival that takes place on the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, just like Ren describes.  However, since this is a version of the festival celebrated in India due to a fictional character having Tibetan ancestry, I suppose I'll let the "Star Festival" thing slide.

The actual story behind the Qixi Festival is that a weaver girl named Zhinu fell in love with a cowherd named Niulang.  Their love was forbidden, so they were sent to opposite sides of the Silver River, which is the Milky Way.  Once a year, magpies form a bridge so the two lovers can be with each other--this can be seen by the convergence of three stars in the sky.

So yeah, basically nothing like Ren just described.

Kelsey asks what she's supposed to wear and Ren says he'll make something for her, because he wants to control what she wears now.

Over the next week, they pack for their voyage on the Dawn Treader Deschen by gathering up any useful research materials to bring with them.  I guess the Internet doesn't exist out on the open ocean.   Also, why are they even waiting to leave again?  Just so they can go to the festival?

Meanwhile, Kelsey is hanging out with Ren again like nothing happened, which made their whole argument really pointless.  If you're writing a story and go to the trouble of setting up character conflict, follow through.  I know that they made up or whatever, but there is zero residual awkwardness from Kelsey blowing up at him, and now they're best buds again until Kelsey flips out at him again.  There's no actual...character development; instead, we just get brief moments of conflict that are immediately and anticlimactically resolved.

Anyway, Kelsey complains about the fact that he still can't be around her for very long, which has already been established and reestablished by this point, so it serves no point.

Anyway, that's all the information we get about the week they sit around doing nothing--no new information or anything character-related.  Which makes me wonder why Houck didn't just say that the Festival was the next day instead of a week later.  It would make more sense to stick around for a day while packing than it does to sit around writing sad poetry for a whole week.

On the day of the festival, Ren gives Kelsey the dress he got her for the night.

"What?  How did a week go by so quickly?"

Because Houck mercifully skimmed over it and nothing happened.

Anyway, Kelsey's writing in her journal, and Ren tries to sneak a peek at it, because he's annoying.  He asks what she's working on, and she says she's writing a poem, and Kelsey immediately refuses to show it to him because he'll laugh at it, which says a lot about Ren.  He sits down and asks her questions until she agrees to show him, and she asks him not to judge too harshly because it's her first one.

Ren bowed his head.  "Of course, strimani.  I am always the perfect gentleman."

HA

If your character has to literally say his character traits out loud to make the reader belief them, that's not a good sign.

Anyway, I'm not a huge fan of it.  It's all free-form (which is all I can ever write if I write poetry, because I am Bad at writing poetry), but it at least it's not as florid as all of Ren's poetry.

Love is About Grooming

I--

No.

Love is about grooming
It starts . . . 
Sweet smelling lotion is smoothed over rough skin
Cologne is splashed on freshly shaved cheeks
Shiny faces, starched shirts, short skirts
Colored lips, cheeks, and hair
We glisten

We are plucked, plumed, perfumed and powdered
We buy flowers, chocolates, candles, and jewels
It's not real

Real love is drab, rough, stubbly
It's mothers changing diapers
It's toenail trimming, nose wiping, morning breath
Trade in your high heels for tennis shoes and house slippers
Mousy manes
Tangled tendrils

Love's chap-lipped, ear waxy, prickly bearded,
And jagged nailed
It's a back scratching, hairy legged, there's something
between your teeth, Dear, feeling

Real love
Is plucking hairs from your husband's back
Emptying Grandpa's bedpan
Wearing sweats on a Friday night
Saving money, not spending it
Wiping feverish faces with cool towels

Lionesses lick clean their cubs
Monkeys pick bugs off backs
Humans wash dead mothers' hair before burial

Love is about grooming

So, yeah.  Maybe it's because I'm still dying from the flu, but this feels like a fever dream.

It also feels nothing like how a nineteen-year-old girl would write about love with no previous relationship experience.  Like, I get that this is how Houck would view love, because she's a middle-aged mom.  But this is Kelsey writing the poem, and Kelsey's an idiot horny teenager.  Like, have you seen the way she lusts over Ren's sculpted pecs and bare feet?

Anyway, Kelsey asks what Ren thinks about it, and he says that it's "morose" but that he likes it.  He then immediately criticizes her use of monkeys as a comparison because monkeys groom each other for food and not because they love each other.  Stay classy, Ren.

He says that it's clear that she has a "great capacity for love," whatever that means, and apologizes for hurting her.  He gives her the dress, and says to save a dance for him.

And now it's time for Kelsey to play dress-up!

After he left, I walked over to my bed and pulled back the gift's tissue wrapping.  Inside was a gorgeous silk Chinese dress.  I carefully held it up to me.

Lol what a weird way to phrase that

It was Ren's favorite color.  The dress was a blue gradation that started with a soft royal tone from the neck to mid-chest and changed to a dark zodiac blue--the color of the sky at night.

Christmas.  Ren's giving her clothes the color of his eyes again, natch.  Kelsey says that it's Ren's favorite color, but then describes two completely different colors in a gradient, so this makes no sense.  Royal blue is like the opposite of soft because it's a very saturated color.  Kelsey describes a color as "zodiac blue," whatever the fuck that means, and then immediately tells us that the night sky is dark blue, which anyone who's ever seen the night sky already knows.  It's just two short sentences and they're so bad, guys.

Anyway, it's totally blinged out with gold and silver stars, moons, and planets.

?????

There's also some dragons on it, because China.

She notices that there's still a tag on it, which means he went out and bought it instead of using the Scarf.  Hey, why is that, exactly?  To show that he's rich, I guess?  Which we already know, since they've already talked about spending the rest of the book on his fancy yacht after leaving his fancy mansion.

Mr. Kadam knocks and brings in her shoes and hair clips, and says that Nilima will be up shortly to help her get ready, because every character is suddenly very invested in making Kelsey pretty for the festival for some reason.  Actually, Mr. Kadam shows up so he can exposit about the style of dress (natch).  It's a qipao, similar to what Deschen wore, and will probably make her stand out at the festival, because Kelsey is the only one allowed to look Special.

Except, um, the qipao that Kelsey just described--the clasp at the neck with the long slit down the side--wasn't popularized in China until the 1920s-1930s, and even that was in Shanghai and not Tibet.  Considering Deschen died in the 17th century, this makes no sense.

Traditional Qing dynasty qipao

The qipao Houck is describing.

Nilima materializes some time later, dressed in a beautiful orange lehenga.  Houck doesn't actually tell us what a lehenga is, so here's what Nilima is wearing if you're curious:

Yay, fashion!

Nilima ties her hair into a bun and uses one of the jeweled combs that Mr. Kadam dropped off.  There's a pair of matching earrings.  This is just straight-up clothing porn at this point.  It's about as exciting as when Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way tells us which band T-shirt she's wearing.

I stood in front of the closet's full-length mirror to get the whole picture.  I was shocked that the girl in the mirror was me.  I looked exotic.

Oh nooooo

I really don't like the implications of Kelsey using the word "exotic" in connection with playing dress-up.  It really shows how surface-level all of the cultural stuff really is in this book.  Kelsey never develops a connection with any of the cultures she interacts with--it's all for aesthetic reasons.  It's kind of icky.

Anyway, Kelsey spends the next three paragraphs waxing poetic about how hot she is.  This is not a joke.

I'd firmed up from all my workouts with Kishan, and it showed.  My waist was smaller, and my arms were toned.  My hips were still about the same size, which made me look curvier.

I normally call out male authors who make their female characters describe their bodies like this, because it's a thing that real women really don't do (or, at least anyone I've interacted with, anyway), so it's really weird that Houck also does it.  Kelsey just...clinically describes how curvy and tall and hot she looks as she stares at herself in the mirror.

I looked like a woman, not a girl anymore.  I felt . . . desirable.  I stopped tugging at my dress, dropped my hands, and smiled.

Now that Kelsey is Hot and therefore Worthy of Love, all of her confidence issues are resolved, and she's perfectly happy now.  That's...not how that works.

I'd never thought of myself as beautiful.  I always chose comfort over style.  But tonight, I was pleased enough with my appearance that I might even be able to stand up to Ren and Kishan.

OH NO I HATE THAT

So, uh, the only way Kelsey can even hope to match her male love interests is due to her feminine wiles.  I hate that so much, I can't even describe it.  It plays on a lot of gross stereotypes of how women can only have power through sex/seduction.  I hate it.  So much.

Kelsey descends the stairs like a girl on Prom night, and meets Mr. Kadam and Nilima at the bottom.  Ren and Kishan aren't there, as they've gone on ahead (so they can each have their own scenes where they can see how Hot Kelsey is, and that's not a joke either).  Kelsey compliments Mr. Kadam's suit, and he says, "Thank you for the compliment, but nothing compares to you ladies.  I'll be the envy of every man at the festival."

Kelsey is nineteen, and Nilima is his great-great-etc.-granddaughter.  Ew.

Mr. Kadam gets them into a Rolls Royce and complains they can't take the MacLaren due to not having enough seats.  I only bring this up because it's a neat bit of characterization for Mr. Kadam that isn't vomiting exposition all over us, which is a nice change of pace.

They get to the Star Festival, and it's very Pretty, with lanterns and streamers decorating everything.  Mr. Kadam gets them some pieces of paper and tells them to write their wishes down and tie it to the tree in order for it to come true.  Knowing not a whole lot about how the Qixi festival is celebrated, I haven't been able to find anything to connect this tradition with the actual festival.  Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about that, though!

Kelsey writes her wish, and doesn't tell us even though it would make sense to do so in a first-person perspective, but whatever.  It's not the first time we've had this problem since it took up like a third of the second book.

We wandered among the groups of people as we headed toward a large fountain in the center of the town.  It shot water in high arcs and was lit with rotating colored lights.  It was beautiful.

It's like I'm there.

All of a sudden Kishan is there, even though Houck didn't describe him showing up.

Kishan greeted Mr. Kadam and Nilima and then turned to me, exhaling in a husky breath, "You look . . . lovely.  I have never seen anyone quite so beautiful."

See, I told you they'd already left so they could each tell Kelsey she was pretty.

Kishan's also attracted the attention of some young ladies, because he's hot.

Kishan and Kelsey go off to dance, and Kelsey asks where Ren went.  Kishan said he ran off right when they got there saying he had to go do something.  Even though they just went off to dance, Kishan says they should get something to eat, so they do.  Kelsey says that there are a lot of carts selling small dishes like tapas.  This is a thing in China--xiaochi carts!  Fun fact, when I studied abroad in Beijing for a summer, there was a xiaochi cart right outside of our classroom every morning that sold jianbing, which are basically spicy filled egg crepes.  I think I had one like every day.

Mmmm...

There was also a variety of Chinese appetizers, egg rolls, wontons, and dim sum.

Um, I don't think "dim sum" is a specific food like egg rolls and wontons.

Kishan makes fun of her for not liking curry despite being in India.

"It's probably better that way.  I don't want to pop out of my dress."

"Hmm," Kishan looked at me and teased, [sic--you can't look a sentence, Houck] "perhaps you need to eat more, then."

And yet another racy joke in a series too proud to say the word "sex."  The tone of this series really is all over the place.

After a while, they run back into Mr. Kadam and Nilima, who pulls Kelsey aside to go to the lantern ceremony.  Basically, unmarried women each take a lantern and describe the man they want to marry, and either place the lantern on the fire if they feel the man is near, or on the water if they feel he's far away.

Now, Houck seems to have mixed up the Qixi Festival with the Lantern Festival, which is kind of a second Valentine's day celebration, among other things.  Houck fails at research.

Anyway, after hearing this explanation, Kishan winks at Kelsey, which makes her feel pressured about what she's going to do.  Kelsey and Nilima join the other girls participating in the ceremony.  Nilima puts hers in the water, because all secondary female characters in these godforsaken YA paranormal romances aren't allowed to be interested in romance, as that would horn in on the protagonist's action.  Kelsey complains about having to pick between burning the lantern or putting it in the water with Nilima's.  Kelsey briefly thinks about Li, and immediately dismisses the thought, and thinks about how both men she loves are close by in India, so she burns her lantern.  Wow, that wasn't even a hard decision, because it applies to both points in the love triangle.  Kishan cheers, for obvious reasons.

Kishan dances with Kelsey some, and then explains that it's tradition for dances to last for one song, after which the next suitor in line gets to dance with her.  Kelsey has a couple randos in line to dance with her, which annoys Kishan.  Eventually it's Kishan's turn again (guess we just completely skip over the non-hot randos).

As Mr. Kadam left to get me a drink, my golden fan slipped off my wrist.  I looked at it and stamped my foot in frustration.

Ah, so she's having a literal tantrum like a five-year-old.

A voice "purr[s] silkily" behind her that he can get it for her, and it's Ren!  He's wearing a shirt that matches her dress, because of course he is.  Then he fucking undresses her with his eyes for like a whole paragraph:

His eyes followed the slit of my dress.  Though he didn't touch me, I felt his gaze caress me, moving up my bare leg slowly and purposefully from my ankle to the top of my thigh.  I swayed, feeling a little light-headed.

Which, sure, whatever, trashy YA paranormal romance.  But there's nothing beyond kissing and cuddling in this series!  Which makes scenes like this feel really out of place!

He stood slowly and openly admired the rest of my costume, before finally settling on my face.

Yeah, Kelsey just referred to a style of fashion that people still definitely wear (although admittedly not as much in the modern era) as a "costume."  Yikes.

They flirt with some bad food references.  I would say that they're puns, but puns typically require some sort of play on words, and these are just words.

"I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone.  You are a feast for the senses."

I smiled softly.  "I don't know about a feast.  Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre."

Ren wrapped my hand around his arm.  "Not an hors d'oeuvre.  The dessert.  And I plan to spoil my appetite."

Congratulations, you've ruined mine!

Ren says something to Mr. Kadam, and when Kelsey asks what he said, Ren explains that he's going to keep Kelsey company for the rest of the night.  Hey, couldn't he have asked, uh, Kelsey before just deciding what she's doing for the rest of the festival?  I mean, she'd obviously say yes, but it's still nice to ask.

Kishan sees the two of them and tries to get their attention, but Mr. Kadam holds him back.  See, he really does ship Relsey.

Anyway, Ren takes Kelsey away from the rest of the celebration, and shows her where he's been all night.  There's an old mango tree in the middle of an empty courtyard with hundreds of colored pieces of paper tied to it.  Kelsey says that it's pretty, and Ren says that it took him a long time to finish, and Kelsey is surprised that they're all his wishes because she's an idiot.

Now Ren explains the story of Zhinu and Niulang about the origin of the Qixi Festival, except he does it wrong because Ren is dumb and Houck can't do research correctly.  He points to a star in the sky:

"That one is Vega and the other one next to it is Altair. [. . .]"

Again, these are not the Chinese names of the stars, and it's not even consistent with the Japanese names he gave them earlier.  I will note that the Wikipedia page for the Qixi Festival uses the names Vega and Altair, but that's because it was identifying the stars as parts of constellations identified in Western countries.

"The Chinese version of the story is that Vega and Altair were lovers who were kept apart by the Sky King."

And now Houck has confused herself into thinking that the non-Chinese names of the stars are the names of the people in the story, which is not even close to accurate.

The Sky King may or may not be a character in the original Chinese story, but he is in the Japanese version that is derived from it, so I won't complain about that too much.  Ren doesn't say that the Sky King is the girl's father, which is kind of necessary information for the story to make sense.

"He created a great river, the Milky Way, to separate them. But Vega wept so much for her lover that the Sky King took pity on them and allowed to come together once a year."

Not really.  Just like in the Chinese version of the story, a flock of magpies took pity on Zhinu/Orihime, and form a bridge once a year for the two lovers to meet in the middle.  Houck fails at research once again.

Kelsey, because she's dumb, asks Ren what all the wishes are, and he says that his wish is to find a way across the river to be with her again.

I brushed a strand of his hair gently away from his forehead.  "That's my wish too."

God, this is just that scene from Tangled.  "You were my new dream" is a much better line.

Ren kisses her and starts to lose it a bit, and Kelsey says she'd rather spend time with him than kiss him.  So he quotes some more Shakespeare at her.  Gag.

Kelsey asks to look at the wishes he wrote, and he says they won't come true if she does.  So she quotes some Shakespeare back at him to say that they shape their own destinies.  She says that she chose him before and she chooses him again even with the anti-Ren beams she's giving off.  Ren says that she might not feel that way in the future if they can't fix him, since they can't be together and have kids (which is the closest we get to the sex talk in this book).  This is weirdly reminiscent of Edward's refusal to sleep with Bella in Twilight.  Or turn her into a vampire.  It's been a while, and I don't remember.

Kelsey says that they don't know what will happen, and Ren insists that he just Knows Better than her, because he's such a gentleman.  Kelsey still decides to dance with him and watch the fireworks, though, because Kelsey has the backbone of a dead slug and does whatever Ren wants.  What happened to standing up for herself because she's Hot now?

Afterwards, Kelsey thanks Ren for the tree and the flowers (which is I think the first time the flowers are mentioned...) and Ren says that they're lilacs, which symbolizes him asking her if she still loves him.  Lilacs actually seem to be a symbol of old love, which is pretty much the opposite.

"You already know the answer to that."

"I'd like to hear you say it."

What part of "I chose you before, and I choose you again" isn't clear enough for him?  He just likes to force her to do random stuff!  It's weird!

Kelsey says she still loves him and says that he loves her, which you'd think resolves the love triangle once and for all.  It does not.  Oh boy, does it not.

Kelsey grabs some of his wishes from the tree before they leave, and they're all very Romantic.

I want to give her the best of everything.

I want to make her happy.

I want to remember her.

I want to touch her.

I want to love her.

Twenty-two people have highlighted this.  I have no idea why, except for how ~*~romantic~*~ it is.

That's the end of the chapter.

Closing Thoughts

So, yeah, that sure was a pointless chapter.  Unless you're invested in the love triangle, I guess, which I am decidedly Not.

What would you say if I told you this isn't the only chapter where Kelsey does nothing but dance with various men at a party?

Next time, Chapter Seven: The Yacht!  It's the spiritual sequel to the chapter about the plane from the first book, because the entire chapter is about how fancy the yacht is.  At least it's not forty pages long.